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Retaining The Line

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Review of chapter "Only So Far...For Now." from JinaSolo
Review:
More please!

This story has potential.
Review By [JinaSolo] • Date [29 Apr 14] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Only So Far...For Now." from lillyb
Review:
this is really good, keep going
Comments from author:
Thanks.

Keep Reading.
Review By [lillyb] • Date [6 Aug 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Taking A Stand" from Dustmote
Review:
Very good beginning. I look forward to the continuation.

I have noticed in reading fanfic that most writers either make Xander sound like a 5 year old emotionally or a 50 year old. You are somewhat in the latter category, but you do have a reason for it (4 years abroad and in constant training.)

You may want to have the other characters in the story (Willow and Jesse, mainly) feel a little strange, like hanging out with a much older sibling.

Keep up the good work.

Dustmote
Comments from author:
Your point is well concieved, i have noticed that particular insight in most stories as well. You are right, i should have them be more akward around Xander. And yes, the training does give me that particular excuse. I am trying to come up with an in between on Xander's mentallity. A young soul, burdened by duty and experience type.

As it is only towards the begining, i am still trying to establish certain...foreshadows for the story and its characters. I have alot of ideas that i am attempting to have come together.

I ask you to wait just a little longer and hopefully you will see that small change that makes it for you.

Thanks.
Review By [Dustmote] • Date [3 Aug 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "New and Unexpected" from Difdi
Review:
Heh, as annoyed as Xander is (canonically) with Angel, I imagine a Turn Evil or two would be rather cathartic. It'd probably work, since the demon *is* still there, just suppressed...
Comments from author:
Just wait dude.
Review By [Difdi] • Date [31 Jul 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Taking A Stand" from (Moderator)JoeHundredaire
Review:
The character is Jesse McNally, E not IE. Also, I'm not sure how old your Xander is because your story is remarkably vague but in real world California (as opposed to TV California), a teenager can't drive until fifteen and a half, at which point they take driver's education classes and receive a permit. With a permit, they can only drive if an adult of 25 years or older is in the car with them. When they turn 16, they can obtain a full license and even then, they can't drive after 11PM, before 5AM, and never with anyone under 20 years of age in the car with them (meaning no giving rides to friends after school). After a calendar year of having the license or reaching 18, whichever happens first, the restrictions disappear. So really, Xander can restore a car but contrary to popular belief, he can't do anything with it until college. No impressing girls, probably no driving home from Bronze or research parties, etc.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Driver%27s_license_in_the_United_States
Comments from author:
Okay, for the first concern. You are correct that Jesse should be spelled as with the "E" and not the "IE". I am sorry about that. I have a friend that spells his name with an "IE" and not just the "E", and I got used to spelling it as such.

For the second, Xander within the story is 16. If you pay attention within the first two seasons, you will find out small tid bits of his birthdate. It is not an exact date, but to popular belief he was born in August of 1980. Making him by story canon, as well as within the belief that he is actually the oldest (Outside of Giles) in the core Scooby Gang (Buffy,Xander,Willow, and Giles).

As for the license, well it is said that the Sunnydale PD is an inept police force at best. So using that as the main reason is a good cue for thought. On the outside, as a California resident. I turned 16 on Sept. 22 1996, the same year that the first season is held to be staged in. At that time, the California office of Transportation (THE DMV) did not impose those particular restrictions outside of mass population areas such as Sacramento, L.A., San Francisco, and other major cities with public transportation as a medium until the fall of 2002. So in effect you are correct, and at the same time in correct, as in popular belief Sunnydale is an area of populace of less than 100,000 people and had not a known public transportation alternative. As for the driving curfew restrictions, yeah, you are probably right. But I never paid any attention to them. So why should a fake TV or story based character do so.

Thank you for your insight, I shall endeavor to make things within the story more factual from now on. Maybe.
Review By [(Moderator)JoeHundredaire] • Date [15 Jul 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Taking A Stand" from BlueEyedJedi
Review:
Interesting Beginning. Excellent foreshadowing. I wonder how will a fresh eyed Xander react to Angel out side the fog of jealousy?

Peace
Review By [BlueEyedJedi] • Date [12 Jul 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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