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Memories and Lies

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Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from MarcusSLazarus
Review:
Any chance of some more in this series?

Even without the possibilities of the Predator showing up- for the record, even if vampires were easy prey for it so far, I'm hoping the likes of Angel and Spike will be more effective against him-, it should DEFINITELY be interesting to see what Harry/Dutch thinks of Faith/Dana and vice-versa...
Review By [MarcusSLazarus] • Date [24 Jul 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from DeaconKrow
Review:
Hey, Great story idea but I'm having a hard time reading through it. The dialogue is ok, but really disjointed and way too formal. You do get a bit of slang in there but it's written like a letter to your boss. Try to relax a little and try reading through the dialogue out loud. See if it sounds like something you would say in casual conversation with a friend. Also remember the little things. Details are your friend. Best of luck to you in your future writing.
Review By [DeaconKrow] • Date [9 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from AnFan
Review:
This is a nice start of a story. I like how you've brought things along so far. It seems a bit early for you to bring in a hunter, since getting Faith/Dana reconnected with her family looks like it will take more than just saying 'here they are' to each of them. Though, if the hunter learns of the slayers, which the demons are afraid of, and wants to plan a new hunt later it makes more sense. It would also be a good tie in for all parts of your story so that it came together some time in the future.

I hope you plan on writing more. If not, thanks for sharing what you did.
Review By [AnFan] • Date [19 Oct 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from JediKnight
Review:
Very nice job on this story so far, I hope to read more of this soon.
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [1 Sep 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from eriktheviking
Review:
A great confrontation between Harry and Xander, although I wouldn't have thought Poncho was old enough to be married twenty years.
Comments from author:
glad you enjoyed it, yeah maybe twenty years was an error on my part when I look back at it. I've done my best to create a decent and belieable background for Poncho something you don't see in the movie. So far I think it works, I will try and change that mistake at some pont and decrease it abit.(razial)
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [20 Aug 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Hanzo
Review:
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
Review By [Hanzo] • Date [19 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from Eureka
Review:
Oh shoot! Predetor on the Hellmouth!
Review By [Eureka] • Date [18 Aug 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from DarthPayne
Review:
Oh bugger, Xander and Dutch against a Yautja?

Should i feel sorry for the hunter?

Btw, which type of Hunter is it? Predator 1? Predator 2? Alien Vs Predator 1? Alien Vs Predator 2?

Or from one of the many comics, books or games?
Comments from author:
Yeah should be a real fun fight and as to your question it is a predator like the one from the first film as I liked that film best (razial)
Review By [DarthPayne] • Date [18 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from Moontrap
Review:
Interesting idea for a story. It will be neat seeing how OMEGA deals with the supernatural, and the Council of Watchers. Thank you for letting us read your work, and I can't wait to read more of it.

Sincerely

John
Review By [Moontrap] • Date [3 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from lillyb
Review:
great work,
Review By [lillyb] • Date [27 Jul 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from Narf
Review:
Hell of good start here keep up the good work thanks and bye.
Review By [Narf] • Date [23 Jul 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from Yshury
Review:
Great Story. Please more!
Review By [Yshury] • Date [21 Jul 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from (Current Donor)Ironbear
Review:
Not bad, so far. Interesting idea and concept.

Minor quibble: in canon, "Lover's Walk" occured more than a month after "Faith, Hope, and Trick", and Willow and Xander hadn't had the fluke until "Homecoming", so Cordelia and Xander a) should be together still at that point, and b) Xander shouldn't be remembering kissing Willow as that hadn't happened yet.

If you're changing the timeline on that in order to have those events have happened before FH&T in order to have Xander and Cordy already broken up (and specifically for those reasons), then you'll need to do some rewrite to introduce those changes in story context, and to edit out Faith from being around during Homecoming et al. Otherwise, it's a bit jarring to anyone who does know and remember the canon sequence.
Review By [(Current Donor)Ironbear] • Date [21 Jul 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from cjcold
Review:
Nice chapter.

I suggest that Xander take a picture to prove his words when he sees Harry.

Look forward to Harry's reaction the Watchers and supernatural, guess he can use the mission against the Predator to show that there are "more things in heaven and Earth than most dream of".

Wonder what Harry will do to the Watchers when he finds out about them.

Look forward to Dana's reaction to finding out it was all a lie.

More soon please.
Review By [cjcold] • Date [21 Jul 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from Hanzo
Review:
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
Review By [Hanzo] • Date [21 Jul 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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