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Harry Potter and the Goddess (of the) Dawn

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Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from FallenGods
Review:
An original and interesting start. Though i'm not sure where you could take Dawn's character from there, without her either destroying the world or admitting she was wrong and tearing down the new character you've built. Perhaps if Giles and Co were motivated by the desire to preserve their Dawn as she was, or the belief that the power was inherently evil and refused to give Dawn a chance to explore it, or even a choice in her future. She could be a more sympathetic protagonist. But I'd like to see your own plans for her development. Also making Dawn look more like Buffy, this is a real fixation for you, huh? ;-)
Finally this is one of the best lines I've read in a long time "His father had described it as ‘A game of Speed Chess with twenty players, three boards, a prize no one knew the real value of, and a rulebook with several pages that had mysteriously gone missing’." well done.
FG
Comments from author:
Hey there.
When I saw a review pop up under this heading I admit I winced, because this story, as it stands, is just the palest shadow of what I want it to be. I have a Novel's worth of plot all figured out for this, with some fairly awesome set pieces scattered along the way.
Of course, there's exactly one person to blame for all of that still being in my head, and not on the page, and that's me, so I should probably stop my whining and get serious about writing, huh?
^_^

Anyway, concerning Dawn's character in this one.
There's a theme that I've been revisiting over and over since I first started writing that also shows up here--that characters, even main characters, don't have to be perfect, or even good guys, or even likable guys for us to be interested in what they're doing and why they're doing it. My earliest Faith stuff features a fairly hard-core version of her, and yet I really, really loved getting into her head and seeing where she would go.
As time goes by, I'm more and more fascinated by the idea of characters who are seriously removed from what you'd expect the 'hero' of a story to be (removed even from a more standard 'villain protagonist' type). It's really interesting to go against expectations like that... and I'll admit that I take it as a challenge to plop such a person down, front and center in the story, show you that there are lots of negative things about this person... and then write them in such a way that they're true to all of that, and yet still manage to get you to like them anyway.
Bratty!Dawn, both in this story and in 'All your Base' is a perfect example of that (whether I succeeded in the 'likable' part is totally for you to decide, of course :-).
The opening bits of this story barely even hint at what I want to do with her; the Harry Potter setting has a specific issue associated with it that REALLY rubs me the wrong way, much as I love the overall package, and Dawn's situation ties directly into that. I hope to move this forward; I imagine the storyline will provoke a bit of commentary and controversy when I finally do.
Heh. Heh. Ahem.

Anyway, the Dawn-to-Buffy thing... yep, I've come back to that a couple of times. As far as 'creator thumbprints' go, there are quite a few things that show up in basically ALL of my stories (I'm actually a little surprised I don't get called out on them by readers, as they usually feel VERY blatant to me as I write, but yes, there are themes and specific bits that I just love too much to leave out unless including them will absolutely wreck the story). Dawn's (non)resemblance to Buffy is a very minor one, to be honest. In 'All your Base' it's has little effect on the story (except maybe in later chapters, assuming I get there), while in this one it has a LOT of impact, and actually informs quite a bit of the plot later on.

So, thanks for commenting, and reminding me of what I want to do with this one.
In a perfect world I'd be able to write full-time and throw out new chapters every couple of days, but then I'm sure most writers wish that. If I could just improve my time-management skills....
Review By [FallenGods] • Date [14 Apr 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Duquette
Review:
Lovely, but alas, it tis no more.
Review By [Duquette] • Date [8 Apr 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from LunasMeow
Review:
*Ah, a challenge! CAN I make you like/respect Draco?*

Anyone else, doubtful. You, what with how you tend to make your characters actually grow up a bit, unlike Rowlings did? Difficult, but not unlikely.

*That is to say, I've got a lot of it plotted and outlined, and I completely LOVE how it plays. On the other hand, it does hinge on reworking the whole friendship dynamic of the books, which is pretty much what everyone loves about them. So, lots of people might well hate it.
I'm not a fan of Ron's either, or of Draco (in the books), but when I read them, or watch the movies, I am intensely annoyed by how JK took the easy way out by painting Slytherin as being SO ridiculously petty and evil, for no reason other than that they were petty and evil. Every Gryffindor was brave and true, everybody was so.... I guess 'so obvious' is what I mean.*

This, I *think*, would actually be a more welcome change than you suspect. While it is true that most of the *younger* audience that forms most of the book's fanbase enjoy that, most of the HP fanfiction I've read that actually succeeds in telling a story as long as the books and keeping readers the entire time show that being sly and ambitious doesn't make you inherently evil, and that being bold and brave can make you a bully as easily as a hero. Your regular readers tend to like the realism in your fantasy worlds (hows that for an oxymoron?) and that's what keeps us coming back for more.

*But one thing that really, really bugged me, and that might utterly turn lots of people off (including you, from your comment above) is the blood purity thing. Because... why not? There's plenty of cases in fantasy where bloodlines absolutely matter... etc, etc etc...*

You mistake me, probably due to me not explaining thoroughly. I can see blood purity actually mattering, say keeping magic in the family causing the gene for magic to be passed down more frequently, as it has a chance of coming from both parents and their genetic lines, and even strengthening the gift, making wizards from old lines more powerful than the "mudbloods" (who would be thereby even more powerful than the "muggle-born") except in rare cases. I only objected to it in this particular series because it was shown by the author to not really matter over and over again. While this was probably due to her target audience being children and her wanting to be politically correct by not supporting seperatism or racism of a sort (magical vs muggle) which is obviously a horrible thing to teach children, my point was that I *could* stand the blood purity stuff if it was actually something real instead of the nonsense she painted it as. If you put in into your fic as a real, workable thing like you described, that probably will stop too many people from being put off. You'll probably just need to actually explain it mid-fic though, perhaps in a class lesson? Maybe in "History of Magic" as an explanation of the history of the words "muggle" and "mudblood"? And how they were originally used before they became derogatory terms? That would give Hermione something to think about, though she would still have a point about *how* the words are used now as derogatory terms rather than simply descriptive ones.

*I do plan to post at least a few chapters of this one before the end of the year, just to see how the character dynamic I have in mind actually works (and if the story really will provoke as much hate mail as I suspect it will).

Guess we'll see.
I think I can write a sympathetic Draco, while still keeping him Dracoish. Dawn, with a bit of Glory stirred in might put lots of people's teeth on edge, though. Harry... is still Harry. Everyone else has to try and deal with a situation that veers off from the books in a VERY sharp way.*

Basically, you've just forced me to read this fic, even if I hadn't already been planning on doing so. Can't wait to see how you work things.
Review By [LunasMeow] • Date [21 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from LunasMeow
Review:
Okay, so I just mentioned how I love all your characters, but a part of me thinks that Draco will be an integral part of this fic. I *hate* Draco with a passion. He's such an insufferable fool, who for all his arrogance and blood purity bullshit, would be redeamable *if* he actually had any talent or was at least not such a coward. However, he doesn't seem to have a single redeaming quality about him. I love the idea of Glory's powers being "picked up" by someone, (after all, the powers of a God/Godess don't just "go away" even if they're killed) and so I have to read this and see what you do with it, but it's difficult to imagine my liking Draco in any possible way. Much like I hate Ron. But then that's pretty normal since he's just a hugely jealous hypocrite and not a good friend at all... But then that's another subject enitrely. Still, nice to see you doing something new, yet again.
Comments from author:
Ah, a challenge! CAN I make you like/respect Draco?

But okay, yeah, that is admittedly a tough one. And this story is giving me some trouble.
I'm currently about halfway through rewriting/expanding chapters one and two, at which point I'll repost it.
Or... well, not sure. I mean, I like what's here, basically (except for the Draco POV stuff, which has to be redone entirely), but I changed my mind about the story structure, and a couple of other things.
I have to say, the story itself is going to be... iffy.
That is to say, I've got a lot of it plotted and outlined, and I completely LOVE how it plays. On the other hand, it does hinge on reworking the whole friendship dynamic of the books, which is pretty much what everyone loves about them. So, lots of people might well hate it.
I'm not a fan of Ron's either, or of Draco (in the books), but when I read them, or watch the movies, I am intensely annoyed by how JK took the easy way out by painting Slytherin as being SO ridiculously petty and evil, for no reason other than that they were petty and evil. Every Gryffindor was brave and true, everybody was so.... I guess 'so obvious' is what I mean.

But one thing that really, really bugged me, and that might utterly turn lots of people off (including you, from your comment above) is the blood purity thing. Because... why not? There's plenty of cases in fantasy where bloodlines absolutely matter; take Aragorn, for one example off the top of my head. The Dunedain Rangers carry the blood of Numenor (sp?) in them, and it's expressly noted that this gives them significant advantages over 'common' men. Intermarriage dilutes it over time, and eventually it fades and is gone. This is not to say that Boromir or Faromir or anyone who is not of that blood is in any way less brave or heroic, but it IS true that Aragorn and his kin are part of something old and very powerful, and they bring something extra to the table when it comes to waging the war against Sauron (or, in Aragorn's case, in ruling as king, afterwards).
So, with the Potterverse, when Hagrid or whoever brings up blood purity that first time, and then scoffs at it as being ridiculous, my question (because I am contrary and difficult) was--how do you know that? It's easy to assume, but do you KNOW?
The only real evidence is Hermione's skill, which I'll grant you is persuasive, but biology is messy, and one anomaly does not invalidate a theory.

Anyways, that's a large part of what I wanted to explore here; what if, in this version of things, the Slytherins are (A): not all stupid, and petty, and ugly and (B) What if they also happen to be RIGHT.
Just because something strikes people as being unfair doesn't mean it isn't true. (look at the life expectancy charts, and how women typically get several more years than men--what the hell? Not fair, at all, but nature doesn't care about fair)

I do plan to post at least a few chapters of this one before the end of the year, just to see how the character dynamic I have in mind actually works (and if the story really will provoke as much hate mail as I suspect it will).

Guess we'll see.
I think I can write a sympathetic Draco, while still keeping him Dracoish. Dawn, with a bit of Glory stirred in might put lots of people's teeth on edge, though. Harry... is still Harry. Everyone else has to try and deal with a situation that veers off from the books in a VERY sharp way.
Review By [LunasMeow] • Date [7 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from (Current Donor)JanessaRavenwood
Review:
Here's another story that needs some love...no updates in a year! Tsk, tsk...
Comments from author:
I'm definitely in a Dawn mood now, and I think this could be a really great story.
So, don't be surprised if this one kicks back into motion fairly soon.
Review By [(Current Donor)JanessaRavenwood] • Date [31 Jul 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from lunalurker
Review:
And once again Dawn tries to get everyone killed through sheer blind selfish brattyness. The urge to throttle her is a very familiar one indeed, so you are writing her pretty spot-on for the show. Poor Scoobies... well, poor everyone else too at this point.
Review By [lunalurker] • Date [1 Nov 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from aveave
Review:
This is a great story. I hope you are going to write next chapter soon.
Review By [aveave] • Date [20 Sep 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from (Past Donor)RumorGoddess
Review:
I'll admit. I'm intrigued, though a little wary about reading a 100+ chapter story about all 7 years at Hogwarts. Is there going to be a time jump at any point?
Comments from author:
Hey, I agree that sounds fairly intimidating.
I imagine, if I can get this rolling again, it will be just a retelling of their first year, showing the changes that Dawn's presence creates in the storyline.
Draco and Harry will both be travelling in very different arcs, once they enter Aurora's gravity field.

Thanks for reading, and commenting.
Review By [(Past Donor)RumorGoddess] • Date [15 Sep 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from yakoba
Review:
very cool story! I look forward to reading more :)
Review By [yakoba] • Date [15 Aug 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from rpgwarrior
Review:
Just being merged with the Buffyverse pretty much forces the HPverse to be a grittier place, where dark magic can do very bad things to your mind. This rarely gets handled well, but I'm willing to bet you can. The joke that is the DADA class becomes a serious problem in any sort of real fusion.

I've always liked the idea that Glory's powers have to go SOMEWHERE. The power of a god is something that should just continue to exist. I figure of the people that are hanging around you can justify Dawn, Buffy, and Willow having what it takes to absorb at least some of Glory's essence.

I feel bad for Giles here. He is in a no-win situation at this point, he can't just give in to Dawn's attempts to rename herself, or her temper tantrums. But I honestly think he would be handling her better, even if he just fakes it, in an attempt to keep her from going crazy the minute she gets away.

I don't really mind being a brat, but I hope at some point she does pull herself together. Or at least is a bit better behaved once she is away from Giles. Draco definately needs to be toned down though. He doesn't have to be as incompetent as in the books, but he is still only eleven. Eleven year olds just aren't that capable without being completete sociopaths.

The line
"Aurora!" she shrieked, at the top of her lungs, shoving his hand away and stamping her foot over and over in frustration and fury. "I'm Aurora, and I'm a Goddess and I want my Sister and these Stupid spells won’t Stop me for much Longer and then--!"

really worked for me, it shows that bits of Glory are bleeding through. I hope that continues, because imo she lacks the experience to really keep herself just herself when bits and pieces of a creature as old as Glory are shoved into her. I can't help but wonder how long it will be until Glory's minions track down their new goddess.

Great to see you writing again.
Comments from author:
Ack.
::facepalm::

Okay, I feel embarassed that you read this story with the knowledge that I wrote it.
o_O

Sigh.
All right, that's not quite fair to the story, I suppose. I DO care about this story... some.... It doesn't seem possible for me to write something I genuinely don't care about (even if it's as silly as this one).
So, when you, and other very clever and insightful people read this and offer honest and insightful commentary, I'll try not to writhe in embarrassment TOO visibly.

A 'Serious' HP verse:
Well, yes, there is some of that, sure. I'm rereading the books at the moment, and Hogwarts (and the curriculum) do seem hopelessly inadequate to actually prepare someone for life in the big, bad world. Not only are half the courses entirely pointless, several of the professors are completely useless as well. If Dumbledore seriously cared about the welfare of his students, would he really let things go on in that fashion?

Glory's Power: Dawn, as it turns out, is ENTIRELY suited to claim that power, which I'll explain as I go along. Willow 'looks good on paper', if you know what I mean, but I'll detail why she didn't go there. Buffy?
*_*
Oooooh. I hadn't thought of that.
Hm. Hmmm.
Okay, not for this story, but for some other story... Yes.
Yesssssssssssssssssssss.

Giles:
I suppose that yes, he should have done better, or done more, to help Dawn. In the show he would have, because there would have been a real need to preserve the status quo, and keep things contained in Sunnydale. For the purposes of this story, I'm saying that he just can't deal with her, especially while wracked with grief over Buffy, and while dealing with a Willow who is perhaps beginning her 'spiral out of control' phase (just not in the same direction as before). When offered an alternative, he took it, and handed off one of his problems to someone else.

Character Issues:
Bratty Dawn, well, yes, I do loves me the bratty-girl characters, huh? I know that sort of thing triggers insta-hate in some readers (I've certainly heard about it in regards to the 'Buffy at mutant high' story), but I just love writing that stuff.
And, much like in that other one, I do hope that in time, with more time spent with the character, more interaction with other people, and all that stuff, that she'll become more sympathetic for the reader.
Draco: Yes, yes, oh gods yes, I swear I'll fix it. Reworking chapter two at the moment, basically from scratch, and I swear he'll be more recognizable as a real live human boy when I'm finished. That was a case of me being bitten in the ass quite hard by my 'write it and post it all in one go' approach. If I'd taken time to look it over and think about it, maybe I would have seen the glaring problems there. Draco 2.0 will be bright, and semi-smooth, but not an Android.

'The Line':
Yeah, that honestly is my favorite bit of the story so far; it really does feel like Glory, doesn't it? While also showing that it's Dawn, given that she's not being 100% selfish, because getting Buffy back is a large part of what's driving her. Granted, there's a certain selfishness to that also, but still.

Minions?
We'll see.
(in multiple ways, actually).

As always, thank you for the excellent and thought-provoking reviewage.
Review By [rpgwarrior] • Date [12 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from jimk
Review:
You make Dawn ridiculously immature, yet you make Draco at eleven, ridiculously mature. You complain in a comment about how immature and stupid Draco is in canon yet you sort of do the exact same thing except to the opposite extreme. Fanfiction is for doing different things so, I'm not saying you can't do that if you wish. People who are Draco fangirls will probably love this fic and more power to them.

I do think that for purposes of believability you might have been much better off having them in fourth or fifth year to make Draco believable the way you seem to wish to portray him. As it is at eleven years old his character seems very off.

Yeah, I hear what you are saying in your reply on Dawn which is why I mainly focused on Draco. I do think you made Dawn ridiculously immature but as you point out, you can make an argument for that which is why I don't say her character is off or unbelievable. However, I also think the same thing can be said about Draco's character in canon so in Dawn's case you are sort of doing the same thing to her character that you complain about regarding canon Draco. While I think the characterization of Dawn was extreme and seems to be in almost the worst possible light it is a completely plausible characterization even if that makes her an unpleasant character who is hard to see in any sympathetic manner.
Comments from author:
Hey there.

Well, I both agree and disagree with you here, though not in that order.
Dawn, I think, is pretty much as she should be, given what's happened to her.
De-aged, both in body and in mind. Orphaned, AGAIN (Buffy was more her mother than Joyce ever was), 'Betrayed' by everyone around her, when they all decided it was best to leave Buffy dead, infused with Hellgoddess power (and petulance, and bitchiness, sense-of-entitlement), and the list goes on.
The difference between this and canon Draco is that he has none of those mitigating factors. He's simply a twat, and a stupid one, for no better reason than 'he's the bad guy, and evil is dumb'.

Now, on the other side of things, Draco IS broken. I was aiming for 'bright kid raised with wealth and privilege who has been taught etiquette and manners' and ended up overshooting the mark by quite a bit.
More than one person has pointed this out, and I AM listening.
So, rewrite ahoy!
Going back to rework him asap.

For shipping purposes, I would rather have started later in the series, I agree, but it felt like the story wanted to be told from the beginning, especially because I needed to be able to mess around with Harry before he makes certain choices.

Thank you for the comments.
It's a very helpful thing to hear what people don't like (even if it costs my ego a few hit points of damage in the process). If enough of you agree on a point, I will (usually, not always) see what I can do to mend it.

Later.
Review By [jimk] • Date [10 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from CrystalBlaze
Review:
Some people are remarking on Dawn's immaturity, but I'm going to give you a Judith Chalmers style tip; Don't Bother.

Firstly, Dawn picked up minor traits of Glory when she absorbed the bitch's powers, and Glory, it must be said, was not exactly the most steady or staid of women.

Second, she's a Summers, and Summers girls get stubborn and childlike when told they have to grow up and just take it like a bitch.

Third, Giles suggested they kill Dawn before, and this time he fucking tried it. Simply put, she regards the Scoobies as the goddamn enemy and she may have a point!

You want her to play the tweed game in the face of THAT?!? Not Likely!!
Comments from author:
Hi there, and thanks for the excellent and supportive comments!

I appreciate seeing that some people are right there with me, with 'Immature Dawn'.
I'll grant that Draco is broken, and needs to be reworked to sound more like a bright kid instead of a college student, but I like Dawn right where she is.

The Giles thing--actually she doesn't remember that he tried to kill her (though she feels strangely uneasy around him, and doesn't know why), and doesn't quite have access to the memory of his successful murder of Glory/Ben, but she still blames him for her sister staying dead when she didn't have to be. To a lesser extent she blames the others for the same reason, except for Spike, who was on her side, and was punished for it (that will be covered in upcoming chapters).

I completely agree with your take on Summers Girls ^_^!
Even 16 year old (and older) Buffy could be amazingly childlike, sullen, pouty, and stubborn, and that was with the whole Slayer destiny/duty/responsibility thing acting as a counterweight.
Dawn has NO such thing pulling her in the other direction; so far as she's concerned, she is totally free to do whatever she wants to do in order to get whatever she wants, subject only to the accepted rules of society... and those are actually more of a guideline, really.

Thank you again for reviewing; thoughtful and insightful comments make me happy!
Review By [CrystalBlaze] • Date [10 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Meneldur
Review:
This is... intriguing. And it has great potential. But at the same time, it's hard to accept on some levels.
See, Dawn is being very immature. Way too immature, even if she was aged down to eleven and absorbed glory's power. What does that mean, anyway? Does she have Glory's attitude/memories? And what of her false memories, which would give her the mental age of 15? Where did those disappear to?
Also, the whole leaving Sunnydale with no guidance makes little sense. Yes, it may be that they can't help her, but why would people at Hogwarts be able to harness the power of a goddess? Willow seems much more powerful and in control of her greater powers compared to people at Hogwarts. Willow fought and defeated gods. True resurrection is impossible to them, yet Willow manages it.
Which is another issue - why would Willow, who was so adamant in canon about resurrecting Buffy, so that she even delved and preformed dark rituals (she let herself be possessed by the God of the Dead!), suddenly decide to stop? I can understand Dawn's 11 year old attitude and actions, but how did that affect Willow?
Really, I think the main problem here is that if this supposed to have a similar vibe to Methods of Rationality, you've got a syncing problem. The HP characters seem to be all upgraded, whereas the BtVS characters have all been downgraded. I'm not saying it won't work, but for now it clashes horribly - seriously, even if Draco isn't an idiot ass like he is in canon, how can he be getting the better of Giles? Also, Draco's attitude in comparison to Dawn is quite sexist - 'all pureblood girls are spoiled princesses, while all pureblood boys are perfect family heirs'. Not to mention illogical when considering the fact that some pureblood girls (Daphne Greengrass, for example) are probably the heirs of their families.
I think I'm going on too much. In any case, this may very well work excellently, and it certainly has potential - I'm just trying to point out the rather large potential problems that come with this crossover.
Review By [Meneldur] • Date [10 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from borgrabbit
Review:
Feel sorry for adults haiku:

Problem child rising
Careless of intrigue coming
Petulance storming

I wonder if that was Yog Sothoth in the portal?
Nice chapter.
Review By [borgrabbit] • Date [10 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Doodle
Review:
Excellent fic/chapters. 10,000/100


Can you give me an estimate on how long before Dawn breaks the Binding spell on Her Power(s)? (I'm capitolizing the H because she's a Goddess now)


When she breaks the Binding spell will she have all the Powers/Rights/Abilities/Gain More Power As Your Worshiped-Prayed To/Conjuration/etc. as a Goddess like the Gods' and Goddesses' from that Percy Jackson series and/or that/those Xena and Hercules shows?
Comments from author:
::Excellent fic/chapters. 10,000/100::

Sweet!

::Can you give me an estimate on how long before Dawn breaks the Binding spell on Her Power(s)? (I'm capitolizing the H because she's a Goddess now)::

Aw, crap, if she hears you talking like that she's going to insist I write it like that too, and that'll just be weird!

Hm. Don't want to give too much away, but I would estimate the spells binding her will be broken roughly... 144 minutes after her arrival at Hogwart's (+/- 5 minutes).

Worship?
I've not read the Percy Jackson stuff, and have some issues with Herc and Xena, but the subject is likely to be addressed, yes.

Thanks for the reviewage!
Review By [Doodle] • Date [9 Aug 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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