Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

The Third Man

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Chapter 8: Secrets & Further Revelations" from Chikageko
Review:
Your history teacher killing Bella is more believable than the canon of Molly weasley killing Bella... What everyone seems to forget about that little piece of bs is that Harry's sacrifice kept anyone from his side dying from voldemort or his followers spells and Molly faced Bella, most dangerous duelist feared on the same level of voldemort himself only after harry died the second time. She was also stated during the brief battle to have been struck by several of Bella's spells and lest range uses all deadly curses.
No, your OC history professor is a much more reasonable opponent than and angry redheaded housewife and smother mother. The only thing really complaint worthy about your OC is that having a competent and non-droning-sleep-inducing history teacher would likely have changed the plot of the original story in a number of ways, none of which you've mentioned.
Comments from author:
many thanks! It's nice to see someone is still reading the story and having some thoughts and good observations about it, so even bigger thanks for the review. Yeah, I admit the storyline with the magic not working properly is lame, I'm not sure it gets better in the following chapters - probably still not gonna satisfy a good critic. At the danger of sounding like an even lamer excuse I must say I began to write it as a pure romance-story, centered on Giles and Helen, everything else was rather supposed to be "background". Still, if you'd read further, you'd find that - admittedly, far from explaining the why - it's not like the OC can't fight vampires - but that she cannot fight them in Sunnydale, what with the Hellmouth and all. the reasons for her lost, or rather "impaired" magic are more complex, and dealt with and at least partly explained in the second part of the series - I have a bad habit of a retrospective storytelling, sorry.
Thanks for the idea with the wheezes! It's a shame I haven'T thought of that when it was practically offering itself with George being a part of the story.
Well, about the OC being the history teacher and changing the original story - that may be so, although I wrote later, she only came to replace Professor Bins from the fifth year on, and surely it would have had some impact on Harry/Hermione and the whole Hogwarts gang as well as on the outcome of some things - I deal with that partly in later chapters, again - retrospectively. Yet on the other hand since the main focus of the story remains in Sunnydale, on Giles and Helen - or at least it should, i'm not sure it works out that well sometimes - I didn't find it necessary to get into that as long as it has no relevance for their present.
Thank you again, it is the first story I've ever written, not too many reviews either so i'm super grateful for such insights and pointers as you offered
Review By [Chikageko] • Date [24 Sep 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 7: Of nightly walks, dreams and some jokes" from Chikageko
Review:
Sorry bout the double post. Odd errors on my iPad
Review By [Chikageko] • Date [24 Sep 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 7: Of nightly walks, dreams and some jokes" from Chikageko
Review:
I'm gonna be really disappointed if you don't start sending her wheezes to use as fighting tools in sunny hell now. It's bad enough you went with the lost magic storyline, those NEVER make sense when it's done to harry, let alone anyone else.

Ha well, despite my irritation with the use of bad plot devices and the continued death of dr Gregory (why does no one ever save the man?) I've rather liked your writing style.

Be cool to see George take Angels place as Buffy's main squeeze too, though I doubt that's going to happen.

And what in the world gave you the idea wizards couldn't fight vampires? Particular breeds being resistant to magic, sure, that makes a sort of sense, but every single breed I've watched or read about take bad damage when set on fire and the sunny hell breed straight up IGNIGHT if you stick a lit ciggerette to their skin! A simple incendio, or even candle lighting charm for Merlins sake, would allow a wizard to tear through this breed like tissue paper! Even as weakened as you've made her spamming a candle lighting charm should still be well within her capabilities.
Review By [Chikageko] • Date [24 Sep 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Two - Involuntary Approaches" from (Current Donor)JanessaRavenwood
Review:
This story has promise, but I note two things:

1) While Giles has the speech patterns of a native Brit, Helen frequently sounds more like a native Californian.

2) How exactly is she managing to walk around with a 9.5" wand in her jeans on a normal basis without everyone noticing it? I own a few HP-type wooden wands myself, and that really does not work.
Comments from author:
Hi, many thanks for your notes! and both good points.
about 1) I'm sorry about this, it may be because Giles I could mostly imagine more clearly, after seven seasons of Buffy one knows better what he would sound like in certain situations, with Helen it's different as an OC, even though I do have a clear image of her personality, I've never heard her speak. English isn't my first, not even my second language, so it's sometimes difficult for me to tell - or it doesn't occur to me immediately when a sentence doesn't sound right. Helen was born in Italy, grew up in Romania and went to school in Germany, and only after that spent the last few years in England, so maybe that would have left some traces on her accent, but it probably still wouldn't sound Californian :) So, I'll try to give it more thoughts before I write her speech.
2) I guess that was very reckless of me, I did not think it through, just wrote down some number without checking much, so thank you for pointing it out. I should have gone with either a shorter wand or thought of something else for a way to "store" it in one's clothes
Review By [(Current Donor)JanessaRavenwood] • Date [31 Jul 14] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 38 - "Treasure Hunt"" from Hecatonchires
Review:
I quite liked that chapter
Comments from author:
though embarrassingly belated - thank you :)
Review By [Hecatonchires] • Date [18 Aug 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 33: A narrow escape" from JJDudeman
Review:
"The other way 'round"... nice tease. Simple enough we feel dumb for not getting it, but I've no freaking clue if we even have the info to guess what it's about yet.
Poor Buffy, emotionally incapable of killing the murdering vampire and letting him run loose for so long because you can't just get over emotional issues because you want to.
Comments from author:
please, please don't feel dumb for not getting it - you see, not even Giles, who usually knows just about everything, is getting it and neither is Helen just yet, so :) I'll try to uncover it step by step in the coming chapters (I must admit that I still need to think it through properly so that it won't get too phony), though I also have a lot work on the Council-Death-Eaters front, therefore it might not all be revealed at once.
Yeah, I felt sorry for Buffy too, wondering how it must have felt when your boyfriend is suddenly a vicious monster, but he still looks the same... goose-bumps
Review By [JJDudeman] • Date [14 May 13] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 32: Secundus Travers" from JJDudeman
Review:
Interesting - nice job with making an interesting OC. I gotta tell you, my primary motivation by this point is finding out if Helen will ever get some justice. Hermione's disapproval is so very, very heavy. Kingsley shrugging off her 'little problem that she can't get over.' No one even seems to grasp the weight of the public disapproval or that she can't be in wizard public without someone verbally condemning her (and why doesn't she EVER say that to Kingsley!?!) The woman's been traumatized and is suicidal, and only George cares. Cares enough to whisper to people that that really isn't the whole story. Oh, and yell at Hermione. ... Grr, frustrating. Of course, in my opinion they should have turned in Rita Skeeter in the HP books, so my loathing of people who crucify others by public opinion is obvious.
Impressed you've kept things going this long, really hope you're able to see things through so we can get answers to all these interesting questions you've been setting out for us over the course of the story!
Comments from author:
thanks a lot for this lovely review! I don't get much comments on the OC, so I really appreciate that you shared your thoughts. I guess Helen actions - like not ever saying anything to Kingsley :), I'll see what I can do about it - might not always be understandable, but at least I'm hoping to write her as a convincing, a probable and well imaginable character.
And yes, I'm there with you on Rita Skeeter, she should have been turned in right then in the books for all the stuff she had written, odious woman, on the other hand - this way I could easier "recycle" her and she was very handy in the earlier chapter :)
I hope to continue for quite some time with this, I had planned ahead a bit - possibly until mid-season 5, I'm only afraid that at some point it will get so long that people might get tired of it or get scared off by the length, but I'll take my chances :)
thanks again for reading, hopefully I'll be able to offer the answers if not to all, so at least to most of the questions.
Review By [JJDudeman] • Date [8 May 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 27: Moments of Happiness - Part 1" from Kindleflame
Review:
I like this story! Helen and Giles make a good couple. I had a few questions about Helen. How good is she at magic? I know she had some problems with it in the past. Is she a good dueler? I think she was a auror right? Is she capable of any wandless magic? If not please consider it! Harry was capable of it in a fashion as well as Dumbledore. Tootles!
Comments from author:
Hey, many thanks for your comment! Well, right now she isn't too good at magic (might change in the future ;)), meaning she can perform all sorts of spell now, but they would cause her trouble afterwards - it is costing her too much energy, making her sick. I imagine earlier, before the ritual where she tried to "de-magic" herself :) she was pretty powerful, possibly an excellent dueller and could perform spells without a wand (and she still can as she proved to Rodolphus, but it messes her whole system). I must confess I haven't thought about Harry and Dumbledore doing wandless magic, so I cannot really compare Helen to them right now, therefore thanks a lot for the hint at those two, I guess I should check the books again.
I hope I could answer at least partly, thanks again for reading and do ask more, if there are other things.
Review By [Kindleflame] • Date [2 Mar 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 7: Of nightly walks, dreams and some jokes" from Martin
Review:
I like the story idea, but the story itself doesn't seem to flow very well for me.
Review By [Martin] • Date [18 Feb 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 22: The fever" from AllenPitt
Review:
Should be an interesting story--Voldemort's group doesn't seem to have benefitted from all those books, while Quentin hasn't (visibly) been paid. Maybe each got something more long term? V. got a new way to resurrect, maybe? Quentin's ideal would be a way to control the slayer, probably.
Comments from author:
Hey, sorry for replying this late, too late and thank you once again for your thoughts. Yes, I'm too thinking of some rather long-term rewards that might come to use only later. Poor Giles will have to think properly what to do with the information.
Not sure about resurrecting Voldi, though I was thinking about it earlier too, but maybe rather someone else...
We'll see :)
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [8 Sep 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 21: Council matters" from LostDragon
Review:
Your story is great and very well written. Your style of introducing a plot line then putting off the back story for several chapters is just aggravating enough to make a reader NEED to keep reading. I look forward to finding out just what is messing up the Wand magic and why even Buffy causes spells to fail.
Comments from author:
Many thanks for the review and of course for reading this long story. I must admit it all got slightly out of hands as originally I intented to just write a simple romance between Giles and Helen and just wanted to add to it a few small plots purely to explain some of the backgrounds and now I got quite entangled in several stories (-the wand-stuff, the weird unusual working of the magic on the Hellmouth, the whole Council-Death-Eaters-trade...) I need to think to the end properly so that it will make some sense :) I hope I can keep up with the expectations. I'm sorry if it's a bit difficult to read :) I have to take it step by step :)
thank you again for liking.
Review By [LostDragon] • Date [30 Aug 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 21: Council matters" from AllenPitt
Review:
Hermione's been busy healing Helen...but now she should get very curious about spells not working on Buffy--will want to do a few tests, likely.
So... Quentin T was dealing with Death Eaters, the proof is pretty overwhelming. This has to be taken to the council. Very messy. Maybe the appointment of a tyro as Council rep was to get someone who wouldn't know what questions to ask? Big question--what did Quentin get in return for 100+ dark volumes? Huge risk there... so the payoff has to have been pretty huge in itself.
Comments from author:
Thanks again a lot for reading and commenting. Good thinking about the appointment of a young unexperienced witch - yeah, that was the idea, she would seem harmless enough to Quentin, no real threat, without any idea about the job...
the payoff will be hopefully revealed :) but it will take some time from now, I have too many loose ends to work on now I'm afraid, I really have to think it through :)
thanks again, I'm glad for every thought and hint.
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [27 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 20 - Helen's story II" from CrystalBlaze
Review:
Someone needs to SLAP Hermi-ego.
Comments from author:
:):) yes, maybe that would do her well :):)
(still, I hope I didn't write Hermione too much out of her character by letting her be so annoying at times...)
Review By [CrystalBlaze] • Date [19 Aug 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 20 - Helen's story II" from Eureka
Review:
Only one thing wrong with that idea. Moldy and Harry's wands were doubles. They DEF were NOT soul mates or anything else like that.
Comments from author:
thanks :) yeah, that's where I've actually got the idea, from the Priori incantatem between Harry's and Voldy's wands - their wands had the feather of the same phoenix in common, but nothing else, I thought more like - what if there were wands which had every ingredient matching, you know - not only one like Harry's and Voldy's but all of it, all three ingredients being the very same, being pretty much identical except maybe for the size... but thanks, maybe I should have mentioned that or made it explicit...
oh, and many thanks for the rating, and at all - for reading so far and reviewing.
Review By [Eureka] • Date [18 Aug 12] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 20 - Helen's story II" from war
Review:
Interesting idea about the wands.

Good story looking forward to your next chapter.
Comments from author:
many thanks, I'll try to hurry :)
Review By [war] • Date [17 Aug 12] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Page: 1 of 3 next end
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking