Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

The Forgotten

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "Prologue" from Robby
Review:
Well, this is an interesting story so far.

I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Review By [Robby] • Date [4 Jul 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Prologue" from Xovervore
Review:
Just found this story. Interesting scenario. If Buffy left a will it might mention Dawn, and that is who the house is supposed to go to (unless Hank was still co-owner when Joyce still alive and full ownership defaulted to him when she died, but would expect her to leave house to Buffy).
Also, there wouldn't just be the photos but also Dawn's bedroom, and Giles would know that it is possible to do memory altering spells, so would be willing to examine the option that Dawn has been removed from their memories.

Are they still going to bring Buffy back about 5 months later (147 days according to Spike)?
It is also about this time (after Buffy back, so about 6 months after Buffy died) that Willow started doing her meddling with Tara's mind to make her forget their argument about Willow's magic abuse.
Review By [Xovervore] • Date [21 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from HMaxMarius
Review:
Interesting start with a plausible scenario. Also good craftwork on the writing itself with a nice balance of dialog and good descriptive. I think I would have liked to have seen the unravelign of the memories play out over a longer timeframe though. As things stand, your believability is bumping up against 'Sunnydale Syndrome'... namely, how come she was even noticed by anyone? Basically, there needs to be more linkage between the opening and how she came to the SGC's attention.

However, I am looking forward to more.

Out of curiosity though, were the Dawn memories anchored to Glory or were they anchored to Buffy. (Has an image of Wills bringing Buffy back and Buffy going 'Where's Dawn?'... and everyone else goes 'Who???')
Comments from author:
I'm glad that you liked the start. I realize that the opening probably feels a bit rushed, but there really wasn't that much interesting going on between those two scenes. Roughly put, the hospital tried to contact Dawn's dad - he said he had never heard of her - they tried to contact lots of other people - they said the same thing. Someone at Sunnydale Memorial decided that this might be a case of Health Insurance Fraud, and reported it to the relevant authorities, who do not suffer from Sunnydale Syndrome. Maybe 5-6 days after Dawn had been brought in, the situation ended up on Hammond's desk, as someone decided that it might fall under his jurisdiction. I'm not sure what I could have written about this, although it will be touched upon briefly in later chapters.

Dawn's memories were actually tied to neither Glory nor Buffy. The monks did not have the power to impose the false memories forever, but were able to impose them until after the Key could be used to destroy all of existence. So, as soon as the portal closed, the memories went poof. As for Buffy, she's dead right now, so who knows what happened to her memories.
Review By [HMaxMarius] • Date [7 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from Gideon
Review:
Fantastic start! I love it :) It is very interesting to speculate on how various "memories" and physical records could interact. Would Spike remember her, since he could remember that Ben was Glory, due either to his vampiresness or his chip. But then he and Angel both remembered Dawn when she was created so maybe the spell would work the same on him when it wore off. What would he remember Buffy asking him to do, if not look after Dawn? I guess the Buffybot would remember Dawn, because she has electronic memory not organic and other elctronic government records have survived. At least she would remember until Willow reprogrammed her at the first opportunity :(
I guess Riley wouldn't remember Dawn but she still remembers him so she could call on him as a trustworthy member of the military, one that she can talk to freely. He would not be likely to want to experiment on her even if she is not the innocent young girl she appears to be. Well, not painful torture like experiments anyway. I am sure he could think of many boring pyschological and memory experiments :)
In the meantime Cassie may feel some kinship for Dawn, She might think they are in a similar situation, and Dawn may be more likely to trust someone near her own age, and Cassie may be more likely to accept a secret like "Vampires are real" than most Earth born humans. And that isn't even Dawn's most important secret :( She would have to be very worried about the military finding out she is The Key.
I loved how you upgraded Dawn's injury from a normal "BBQ fork accident" to an even more rediculous "Knife and Fork" accident! Genius!
Comments from author:
I'm glad that you liked the start. Spike does not remember Dawn; all memories of Dawn vanished when the portal closed. I have not actually thought too closely about Spike, but as many people seem interested in what's happening with him, I should probably do so. As for the Buffybot, as you say, she is very reprogrammable. At the same time, Willow will almost certainly notice a reference to Dawn when the reprogramming occurs. :)

If Dawn even knows how to contact Riley, I doubt she would do so. She suspects that he has no idea who she is, and Riley is still with the Initiative, even if they have sort of reformed. Dawn would prefer not to end up a lab rat (even if Riley would not do that, I think that Dawn would be too afraid to take the risk). Cassie won't be showing up for a while, but when she does, it should be fun. I already have their first couple of meetings planned out, and am looking forward to writing some comedy again. However, I would not expect Dawn to immediately start handing out her secrets.

I'm also glad that you liked Dawn's knife and fork accident. Expect more zany explanations to come.
Review By [Gideon] • Date [6 May 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Prologue" from (Current Donor)ginvirus
Review:
It is a good story. I'm just not happy with the Scoobies, a teen wandering about injured and upset....
But that's how you wrote it and so it shall be.
I have a headache figuring out how the gang must have known what Glory was after and seen the portal known about the key so wont they make sure its not dangerous any more even if they don't remember Dawn. Research like a week or two after Buffy's funeral.
And you are including all the memories after her coming into existence to be forgotten all the people would have holes in their memory.
I'm over thinking I just don't like to see Dawn upset.


HAPPY WRITING
Comments from author:
I'm glad that you like the story.

I realize that the Scoobies do not come off looking great in the prologue, but we will get a bit more of the story from their point of view later. I'm not trying to set them up as 'bad guys,' just traumatized guys whose minds have been messed with. If they had caught Dawn, they probably would not have hurt her; they would have likely just tied her up somewhere, and tried to interrogate her the way they interrogated Andrew in Season 7. Most likely, they think that she's some kind of demon or witch who was planning a scheme to trick Buffy (so they're not too enthusiastic about her now that Buffy's dead). As for what the Scoobies remember, well, this will be addressed later, but I will say that their minds have constructed a fairly tenuous web of rationalizations for what happened with Glory.

I also do not like seeing Dawn upset, but it will be an unfortunately common occurrence during the start of this story. I will promise that things will eventually get better; it won't just be an endless angst fest.
Review By [(Current Donor)ginvirus] • Date [6 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from (Current Donor)DeepBlueJoy
Review:
Fascinating idea. I hope to see more... And I find myself wondering already.... what happens if Buffy comes back. Will she remember the sister she died for? What will happen then? Will she be unhappy with her friends for forgetting her sister? And Spike? Will he remember Dawn... after all, he's not on the 'in' with the others... If he remembers her, that should be an interesting conversation... For the answer to these and other questions... like what happens when Buffy or Spike encounter SG-7 or discover that Dawn is in the hands of the military... I'll definitely be tuning in. Please don't take too long.

Blue
Comments from author:
I'm glad that you're intrigued by the story's premise. As far as Buffy's return goes, *cue evil laughter* I won't say too much about this except that it's still a long ways off, and Buffy is going to be even less of a happy camper than in the original season six. Spike will not remember Dawn, as the forgetfulness is not limited to the Scoobies, but to everyone affected by the Order of Dagon's false memory spell. I'm glad that you're looking forward to what's to come. I'll try to update as soon as I can.
Review By [(Current Donor)DeepBlueJoy] • Date [6 May 12] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Prologue" from PATM
Review:
Those asterisks are standing in for a lot of story. I'm guessing you wanted to shit can the Scoobies as soon as possible to explore a bigger story. I hope you update soon so I can read how this works out.
Comments from author:
The Scoobies are still going to make appearances; they just won't be with Dawn. As for the asterisks, they don't actually represent that much story. Essentially, Dawn went to the hospital; the hospital tried to contact her family; the hospital failed to find anyone who had ever even heard of Dawn; the Scoobies were too distracted by Buffy's funeral and trying to pretend that Buffy was still alive to look into Dawn for a while; Hammond heard about Dawn and sent a chopper to pick her up. As for updates, well, Gods, Gates and Keys is next on my update list. After that, it may still be a week before I can get to the next chapter of this story, as I am trying to give my stories roughly equal attention.
Review By [PATM] • Date [6 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from MarcusSLazarus
Review:
The concept has definite potential, and I look forward to seeing how the SGC and Dawn interact, but I'd cut out the reference to Dawn's sister still being around; without the need to provide Dawn with a guardian, it would probably be more straightforward for the Scoobies to declare Buffy dead, set up some way of purchasing the Summers house, and just use the Buffybot to maintain the illusion that Buffy's still active as the Slayer, rather than go to the trouble of allowing the Buffybot to take Buffy's place in society (After all, it's not like vampires are going to notice if the Slayer suddenly isn't at college or lacks a job).
Comments from author:
You're right about the reference to the Buffybot, and I have now cut out the reference. Now, that I think about it, they probably won't keep the Summers house at all, as, from what I recall, the Scoobies don't have the money to buy it, and (provided it goes to him), Hank will almost certainly sell the house. I'm glad that you enjoyed this brief snippet of the story, and hope that you continue to enjoy it when the next chapter comes out.
Review By [MarcusSLazarus] • Date [5 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from Bobboky
Review:
very good
Comments from author:
Thanks.
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [5 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from VillageOrchid
Review:
An interesting story problem. Thanks for sharing.
Comments from author:
I'm glad that you like the idea.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [5 May 12] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Prologue" from AllenPitt
Review:
You should do a follow-on to this. Once they get over the shock of Buffy's death and all that, Willow & Tara & Giles are going to start wondering what's up with that girl "Dawn"-- pictures of her, a room full of her stuff, all the documentation, but they don't remember her. If it was an attempt to insert into their lives, it was very clumsily done. Next up: do any of them keep a diary? All documents on Dawn would still exist. If so... Not to mention noting what books they'd been researching on Glory, they might figure out that she is the Key.
Maybe Spike still remembers? He had no problem with the Ben/Glory thing that they all struggled with. THAT would make for an interesting storyline.
Meanwhile examining public records would show the SGC that there have been a lot of 'fork' deaths over the years.
Then one wonders what Dr. Fr. would make of Dawn. NOT a Goa'uld; knife marks on her stomach and all that. Dawn would probably clam up about the supernatural & just say she doesn't know why nobody remembers her. If Sam does some checking with scientific instruments, that whole green glow-y thing might register as radiation of some sort? Plus, what IS Dawn? Maybe an Ascended Ancient who de-Ascended & lost her memory? So, does she have the ATI gene?
Comments from author:
The Scoobies probably would not spend that much time wondering about Dawn, considering the trauma they're all suffering from Buffy's death. They'll also have to maintain the fiction that there is still a slayer in Sunnydale, which will also be a huge distraction at first. Most likely, considering that they didn't even get the chance to talk to her and they have many other things on their minds, the Scoobies will just put Dawn down to Hellmouth weirdness, or some kind of plot against Buffy which fell through, as she's now passed away. Of course, as you point out, we do know that at least one of them -- Giles -- keeps a diary in which he has written about Dawn. Even so, he probably will not look at it for some time, as his watcher's diary would be full of reminders of Buffy. Spike will not remember. He recognized Glory because the spell placed upon her did not effect vampires and demons. In this case, his memories are manufactured just like everyone else's memories, so they'll fade just like everyone else's memories.

As far as the SGC in Sunnydale goes, they'll definitely notice that something is up, although I won't spoil just what they're going to make of it. I'm also going to keep mum on how Dawn will do at the SGC for now. If you want a small hint, check out the challenge which I am writing for; I will not be deviating from its requirements. As for what Dawn is, I think that I have an interesting idea for this, which differs from what I will be doing in my other stories (I try to make the Key something different in each of my stories). Of course, as this is an important plot point (as the challenge requires), I won't say much more about this then that little pieces will be revealed as the story goes on (a few tidbits in 2010 and Absolute Power, a bit more in Ascension and Rite of Passage, and quite a bit more in Meridian).
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [5 May 12] • Not Rated
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking