Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
using
 paypal
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

A New World

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking
Review of chapter "21" from (Current Donor)Listener
Review:
I think you have the "art" of storytelling down. Everything I've read of yours moves super-fast, the plot rarely (if ever) lags or has stuff in it that doesn't need to be there, and you don't bog us down with unnecessary tracts of explanation.

Where I'd like to see more improvement is in the craft. To wit:

* Faith's last name is pretty much universally accepted as Lehane.
* Like many fanfic writers, you tend to use a character's stats as dialogue tagging. For example instead of saying "Angel said", to change it up, you say "the Irish vampire said". Thing is, when it comes to dialogue tagging, you can be repetitive. It should be as un-detailed as possible.
* You do the same thing when describing action -- instead of "Xander did x" you might say "the former Sunnydaler did x". That's not something you want to do when you're 15+ chapters into the story. You can sort of get away with it in the beginning, but that's it.

All that said -- I tore through this story in a matter of about an hour, maybe a little more. As I said, it moves quickly and efficiently, and I felt what you as the author intended me to feel with the deaths of Buffy, Willow, and the other slayers. And Spike. I was kind of expecting Willow to have survived somehow -- would be a very Whedon-y move -- but it makes sense that she didn't. I'm not complaining, just saying. I also very much liked your characterization of Illyria.
Comments from author:
My bad - I usually do have her name as Lehane (except in my Mithras Chronicles but that's
a conceit of mine). But this story was originally written before her surname was written,
but I should have remembered to change it. :D

I'm aware that some people don't like my dialogue tagging and action, I just find
the other way of doing it repetitive.

I am glad you like my way of explaining stuff, I've been told in the past I
info-dump (which is a very valid complaint).

Thanks for the considered and detailed review.
Review By [(Current Donor)Listener] • Date [8 May 13] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "21" from OlBear
Review:
A great story though a bit darker than I normally like. Faith really caught it in the neck in this one, especially when it looked like she was turning her life around. Thank you for sharing.
Comments from author:
That's one way of looking it. I look at it as Faith
finally getting her redemption.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [OlBear] • Date [7 May 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "21" from trongod
Review:
Really like your writing, but gotta say that I was hoping for a different version - well, at least the ending anyway, from the story over at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2070203/1/....

Which reminds me, are you posting the same stories as are on fanfiction.net here, or are you making subtle changes for this site? Much as I like you, I'm /far/ too lazy to do a line by line comparison, so I thought I'd bring it up...

Speaking of you and your stories, if anyone who reads the reviews like I usually do, I heartily recommend The Mithras Chronicles for the truly fantastic ride it provides.
Comments from author:
The old ones are just that, reposts (largely because a) ff.net is dead as regards reviews) and b) tthfanfic has a much better interface for posting (ff.net takes out half your formatting and you have to put it back in manually).

Thanks for the review and thanks for the recommendation. :D
Review By [trongod] • Date [7 May 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "21" from JoeDineen
Review:
Excellent story, darker than I normally read but well done. I do hope to see a sequel. Personally I always reckoned that the spell to activate the slayers would bind Willow, Buffy and Faith to scythe.
Comments from author:
Sorry no sequel, poor Faith got the short end of the stick.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [JoeDineen] • Date [7 May 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "21" from banditdoz
Review:
Wait the end? I hope there is another story coming :D Thanks for writing
Comments from author:
Sorry no sequel.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [banditdoz] • Date [7 May 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "20" from SnakeFox
Review:
Just a quick observation, but isn't it a bit misleading to file this under "Cast: Just about Everyone" when you killed off a large chunk of major characters in the first couple of chapters?
Comments from author:
Not really - Giles, Faith, Xander, a bunch of Potentials,
Andrew, Riley, Drusilla, Dawn, Connor, Illyria, and Angel are all in it.
That's a fair part of the cast that are continually in it,
and a number of other cast members make fleeting
appearances.

Thanks for the review, glad you enjoyed it.
Review By [SnakeFox] • Date [15 Apr 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "20" from JJDudeman
Review:
Poor Riley. Tied with Wood for 'Most likely to be a jerk' on this site. At least you gave him a REASON to be bitter towards the council, even if that resentment is still a long cry from being okay with mass murdering a bunch of young girls...
Comments from author:
Most of the time I portray Riley as a decent if
not particularly interesting character, but
in this case losing his wife really snapped his
mind.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [JJDudeman] • Date [15 Apr 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "20" from banditdoz
Review:
you make me want to be their slaughtering the gits with them thanks for a great update
Comments from author:
They are gits aren't they?

Thanks for the review.
Review By [banditdoz] • Date [15 Apr 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "20" from grd
Review:
How about vamping Roger and leaving him locked up for a few centuries without any blood as punishment?
Comments from author:
He deserves a foul end for sure.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [grd] • Date [15 Apr 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "19" from grd
Review:
I really really hope you make Roger's end painful, humilating, and funny. After a monologue like that he deserves to be the butt of jokes for the next eon. Too bad Wesley isn't around to beat up bad dad. Love Angel's pep talk with Xan.
Comments from author:
Roger is a grade A dick.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [grd] • Date [2 Apr 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "18" from Ghostrider
Review:
Good to see Giles going 'Old School' on Andrew. The little git had it coming and more. Personally, he got off light. Now, I'm wondering what else is going to happen now that the enemy has made their second move. And another thing. Faith jumps to conclusions too fast. Guess it's a Slayer thing. Or a female thing. Xander's reaction to what he said, proves that. After all, most of his friends have been female.

Looking forward to the next part.
Comments from author:
Andrew is the git amongst gits. Faith has a good heart, but hair trigger temper etc.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [Ghostrider] • Date [18 Mar 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "17" from mendenbar
Review:
Loved it. Especially the Faith/Eliza Dushko bit.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review.
Review By [mendenbar] • Date [11 Mar 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "17" from DarkLee
Review:
I think I have a good idea who "Agent F" might be from the clues you've been leaving. But the only reason I can see him doing that to the scoobies, especially Buffy, would be if he thought they had something to do with his wifes death. Well good chapter, cant wait to see what happens.
Comments from author:
They did indirectly. Giles refused the use of Slayers with Agent F's missions, Agent F's wife died on one of the missions, Agent F was convinced she wouldn't have if they had Slayer help, and blames the Council.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [DarkLee] • Date [11 Mar 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "17" from Letomo
Review:
Enjoying this one so far. Nicely done. Love that Andrew can't stay away from Comicon, even in the middle of a major operation. And love that Angel has to stay in the sewers [though, aren't there any costumes that would have covered him completely, like an Iron man set?], and gets the KO!
Comments from author:
Andrew isn't the smartest geek in all Nerdom... I suppose Angel could have worn a Klingon outfit or something, but I'd imagine they're a little ungainly.

And let's be honest, given the choice to dressing up as a Klingon or Wookie, Angel would probably take the sewer.

Thanks for the review.
Review By [Letomo] • Date [11 Mar 13] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "17" from grd
Review:
I hope Xan still get intoduced to Eliza. Wonder what Faith and Eliza will think of each other. Very nice use of Angel.
Comments from author:
The world might very well implode if Faith & Eliza meet. :D

Thanks for the review.
Review By [grd] • Date [11 Mar 13] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Page: 1 of 3 next end
StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking