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Review of chapter "The Encounter" from (Past Donor)Ponder
Review:
Are you still around? Can you add more to this? Pretty please? ;) If not to add more, at least to fix the problem you have with your dialog punctuation? Not just on this one, but also your other stories.

You're punctuating your speech tags as if they're separate sentences, when they're not. For post speech tags, like this:

"Speech goes here," she said.

When you've got a "said" or drop-in equivalent, you replace the period with a comma, and don't capitalize the start of the post-speech tag.

This is a nice basic guide that covers the right way to punctuate tags: http://mrbraiman.home.att.net/page25.html

Not every way to attribute speech is a dialog tag, however. There are methods known as "stage direction" or "action description" that are separate sentences, and shouldn't be punctuated as tags. That last link doesn't cover that issue, but this one does: http://www.itsuckstobejoe.com/Jdn/writing/punctuation.html

And this one: http://www.rachelsimon.com/wg_appendix.htm That one also has a bunch of other good stuff about grammar and punctuation. Mid-page it goes more into opinions about workshops and writing excercises, but before that the grammar/punctuation advice is spot on.

*** Ponder
Review By [(Past Donor)Ponder] • Date [28 Apr 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mother and daughter" from pnrocco
Review:
Interesting, I would like to see how this plays out.
Review By [pnrocco] • Date [5 Sep 06] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Mother and daughter" from BigRedX
Review:
Another excellent view into your version of the Buffyverse. Your stories are some of the best I've read.

Would it be too presumptuous to hope for more chapters of "Judge, Jury, Executioner" or "The Key, The Smurf, and the Boy who what?" soon?
Review By [BigRedX] • Date [16 Apr 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mother and daughter" from war
Review:
good story looking forward to more of your work.
Review By [war] • Date [16 Apr 06] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Mother and daughter" from YademosEbyam
Review:
So the Sunnydale Monument, it's from "With a Star"?
Does this mean that Dawn will visit Barrayar?
Will she meet "The Vor Slayer", Mile's daughter Helen
through whom she can contact her sister again?
Is Illyria destined to show up there too?
And will Ivan Vorpatril survive meeting "Blue"?
Will Hellboy confess an attraction to "Fred"
leading to purple children of both "Blue" and "Red"?
Comments from author:
Purple demons? There's a a thought? :-)
I think the monument would be built in many realities. I was actually thinking of different Baenverse.
Thanks for the reivew and the laugh.
Review By [YademosEbyam] • Date [16 Apr 06] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Mother and daughter" from supernaturalfanatic
Review:
Oh.. that ending was sweet... though a little scary with Mr. Grabby Hands Harris!

I hope there's another story coming.. Or, finishing ones you have now.. Judge, Jury Executioner, perhaps?
Review By [supernaturalfanatic] • Date [15 Apr 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mother and daughter" from Thedruid
Review:
Cute little story, thought we would get to 'see' what happened to that immortal who killed Dawn, not just the aftermath. Glad your writeing again in this universe!

Tech note - Hellboy does age, if only at 1/2 the rate that a normal human does. Even if his ageing slowed down later in his life, he would probably have a full bead and ear hair problem by now, not just a goatee.

One question, are you ever going to explain why Illyrina calls Dawn 'Oriens'?
Comments from author:
In "The Key, The Smurf and the Boy Who What?" Dawn actually tells the sorting hat what oriens means.
Review By [Thedruid] • Date [15 Apr 06] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Mother and daughter" from Vld
Review:
Cool! You should write one in Illyria's point of vue on when she caught the Immortal.
Review By [Vld] • Date [15 Apr 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Homecoming" from KingHenrytheV
Review:
Interesting story, but the over-use of long names is a little ... bothersome. Not everyone has 3-5 names.
Review By [KingHenrytheV] • Date [15 Apr 06] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Homecoming" from PATM
Review:
the first chapter was a real grabber for me. Meeting a immortal and falling victim to some one who is probably delusional because of being alone for so long and perhaps so fearfull of losing his head,does something terrible to an innocent and is
now....? Thanks for continuing and gathering other stories and genre to this tale. I'm now disappointed that I have to wait
for the next post.
Review By [PATM] • Date [15 Apr 06] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Homecoming" from (Past Donor)Vega
Review:
I'm so happy you're writing again. Stories to finish, plots to unfold. Keep it up, please!
Review By [(Past Donor)Vega] • Date [15 Apr 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Homecoming" from Vld
Review:
Hey, I resent that!!! Okay, Hellboy is blunt! Granted, but he's certainly NOT Illyria blunt! Saying he's "almost as bad" is SOOO wrong!!! His bluntness is due to his unease at dealing with the emotional, which is understandable, he's a guy! And I speak of experience, I'm a guy too. Illyria's bluntness is due to her not understanding human nature, and always needing to show that cold exterior of her. See? much worse!!!
I loved that part. Figured a child from Dawn would look just like Joyce. Does another look just like Buff? And I hope none of them looks anywhere near like Hank.
Review By [Vld] • Date [15 Apr 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Homecoming" from supernaturalfanatic
Review:
Please more!
Review By [supernaturalfanatic] • Date [15 Apr 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Return" from Vld
Review:
It must be so confusing, having some memories of the future, while mostly remembering what happened when you where fourteen!!! I loved that part.
Review By [Vld] • Date [14 Apr 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "The Return" from supernaturalfanatic
Review:
You continue to amaze me with your stories... Please more!
Review By [supernaturalfanatic] • Date [13 Apr 06] • Not Rated
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