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WoW Will Ruin Your Life

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Summary: Against their better judgement, the Scoobies let Andrew pick the post-Slayage activity.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Games > Fantasy > Warcraft(Past Donor)SnagFR1858,8530208,13726 Jan 072 Mar 07No

Andrew's First Patrol

This is, possibly, the most godawful idea in the history of fanfiction. I clearly must be shunned. ;-)

BtVS characters are property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. World of Warcraft is owned by Blizzard Entertainment. I own a nice, shiny nickle!

*Note: Rating has been changed to FR18 - I just didn't see myself getting too pr0ntastic with potential romance.

"Do I have to go all the way to the cave?" Andrew Wells whimpered nervously, as the small group of moderately armed people made their way toward a hillside, opening barely visible through the natural growth in the area. He was clutching a pair of knives awkwardly, (sheathed, thankfully), as if he was afraid of falling and somehow managing to stab a small piglet.

Buffy Summers carefully repressed a long-suffering sigh, "You're the one that said he didn't feel like he was doing enough to help out. Besides, it's time you started learning how to handle yourself during a crisis. It's not like you can fight the forces of evil with oven mitts and a spatula." She didn't have any practical objections to a resident of the Cleveland training grounds that was keen on overseeing the cooking and housekeeping. However, she stoutly maintained that anyone that was going to live in the dorms and work with them guarding the Cleveland Hellmouth, needed to be able to contribute to the defenses of said dorms.

And really, who was going to argue with the head Slayer?

"Maybe we should give him a sharpened spatula, B." Okay, so Faith would argue with the head Slayer. But that seemed to be strictly a recreational thing.

Xander, being Xander, had to pipe in with his own two cents, "Besides, maybe we'll get lucky! Andrew'll get some kind of non-lethal neck injury, and he'll be mute for the rest of his life." The whiny nerd-chef of the house did rather seem to lack the bone in his head that told him when it was a good time to shut up.

"We can only hope," Willow snorted, adjusting her messenger bag and peeking inside it to ensure that the spell components she needed were where she'd intended for them to be.

"Children, please." Giles had no such compunctions about suppressing his long suffering sighs; he's been suffering longer than Buffy has. "Need I remind you all, that this particular demon has some technological defenses, and Andrew's expertise may come in handy, especially if Willow is otherwise magically occupied-"

"Yeah!" Andrew blurted, having been recognized for more than his culinary and janitorial skills.

"-however, the peace and quiet would be very nice," Giles finished, a bit irritable at the interruption of the overzealous nerd. "Dawn, do you have the translation for the incantation Willow needs?"

The slender Summers sibling promptly whipped out a sheet of paper with a bit of a flourish and presented it to the resident witch. "You guys are lucky I love you. How come these things are always in ancient Sumerian, ancient Sanskrit, ancient Swahili... what do they have against good old-fashioned Latin?" Dawn was a touch on the grouchy side, after having spent the better part of the night getting the translations hammered out for Willow.

"Yes, how thoughtless of them to write a spell in their native tongue, rather than a language from a continent that they hadn't heard of." The senior Watcher's dry retort earned him a string of barely audible grumbling from his linguistically talented research protogé. Giles, apparently, wasn't supposed to respond reasonably to fatigued ranting.

"Guys, shut up." Buffy was making the shift into Slayer Mode, wherein all banter was to be temporarily disrupted. At least, until they confronted their target. Then it'd be open season on puns again. The seven of them carefully slid their way into the cave, Buffy and Faith taking point, Xander and Giles behind them. The former was carrying a crossbow, (paradoxically, being blinded in one eye had made Xander's marksmanship improve, for he no longer needed to close one eye to aim), while the latter toted his favorite battle-axe. Behind them was Willow, having gone silent while keeping potentially useful spells in the front of her mind, and bringing up the rear was Dawn and Andrew.

Slowly picking their way through the tunnels, the Scoobies (and Andrew) had to pause occasionally to deal with either a minor demon threat, a magical trap or the occasional bit of technological surveillence. Except for Andrew, the ease with which they bypassed the safeguards was evidence of their ten years of association and working together.

Eventually, they came across the chamber that their demon had made the center of its lair. It was hunched over a computer desk, forced to sit in an uncomfortable looking posture while it typed furiously at a computer keyboard with hands that were disproportionately small for its frame. It was very gaunt and skeletal looking, though humanoid-ish in shape. Wearing robes that were quite incongruous with the technology that was literally at its fingertips, it was extremely focused on the computer.

"Y'know, if you stay like that too long, you're bound to end up with carpal tunnel." Buffy announced, after everyone had taken positions in the cavern.

"Plus, all that hunching over can't be good for your back," added Faith, not one to be outdone in the Slayer-esque punning.

The demon spun around and gurgled at them in whatever passed for its own language, punctuating its objections with a venomous hiss. "I bet we caught it lookin' at demon porn," Xander decided. This was met with a series of rolled eyes, and one, "...ew!" from Dawn.

Given a window of opportunity to act, the creature poked viciously at the 'enter' button and grasped at some kind of rope or line before it began to stalk towards the group, hissing in a repetetive sound that might have been its own version of laughter.

Buffy and Faith jumped forward to double-team it, Faith currently toting the Slayer Scythe. Buffy reached the demon just before Faith and swung at it with a devestating combination of punches. Or, that was the idea at any rate. Buffy's first punch connected and a large spark of energy knocked Buffy back. Her back hit the wall before she slid down, hair sticking up in random directions.

"Faith, be careful! It's--"

Before the warning could be completed, Faith had already tried to swing at the creature with the Scythe, missing as it ducked. Her attempt to follow up with a kick got her jolted a few feet away, her hair only slightly frizzy and one boot smoldering slightly from the rubber soles.

"--electrical." Buffy finished in a small voice.

"Thanks for the tip, B," Faith retorted wryly.

Giles snapped into commander mode, "Girls, keep it busy and don't touch it. Xander, take the shot when you have one. Dawn, Andrew, protect Willow!" So saying, Giles abruptly whipped around and planted his axe in the forehead of a couple of guards that had nearly snuck up on them all, and the fight was on.

The group jumped to their assigned jobs, with the two Chosen taking turns keeping the main demon occupied. They couldn't manage more than a hit or two without getting zapped, however, so it was slow going. Xander was alternating between shooting at the demon and at the minions trying to come in from behind. Dawn was backing up Giles by making sure anyone who got past him didn't get to Willow.

Andrew, however, noticed something. The length of line that the demon was holding, was hooked up to its computer somehow, and the computer itself had a cable running to the wall of the cave. "It's plugged into a live power line somehow!" Andrew cried, pointing at the power culprit.

"Well, go unplug it, NerdBait!" Xander had less patience with Andrew in the middle of a fight, as he stepped in front of Willow to slam the butt of his crossbow into a creature that was trying to sneak around Dawn to get to Willow.

"Me..?" Andrew squeaked, staring at the electrified demon that stood between him and the power socket. Granted, it was being kept busy by two Slayers, but it was still something that gave him substantial pause.

"Go!" Dawn shrieked, giving the well-intentioned geek a solid boot to his backside in an attempt to propel him into action.

Stumbling forward, Andrew began to timidly skirt the main battlezone, inching his way towards the source of power for the demon. It was just less mystical power in this case. There was a moment where Andrew seemed likely to begin hyperventilating, as the battle between the Slayers and the demon ranged a little too close for his comfort, but Buffy and Faith drove the demon away from him.

Gathering his courage, he took a deep breath and dove frantically for the plug... and heard a resounding smack, as his forehead hit the leg of the table that the computer was on. Taking a moment to watch the little stars dance in his vision, he rolled over and seized the power cord with both hands, planting his feet on the wall before giving a mighty yank--

--and smacking the back of his head on the table leg as well. "It won't come out!" he shouted in tones of panic.

"Then cut it, y'rocket scientist!" This from Faith, never the coolest of heads, even less patient when her favorite boots were having the soles melted from them a bit at a time.

It occurred to Andrew that he did, in fact, have two knives on his person. Snatching one of them out, he reached over to hold the line tight while he reared back and slashed at it with all his might. Which wasn't that substantial, but a knife in a house full of Slayers tended to be kept very sharp. It sliced through the cord with minimal resistance, and the demon shot a glance over its shoulder, affixing a malevolent glare onto Andrew and growling furiously at him.

"She told me to do it!" Andrew, in his panic, pointed at Faith to try and divert its attention and take that unhappy glare off of him. The demon seemed not to care about whose fault it was. However, this was the point at which Willow's chanted seemed to come to an abrupt conclusion.

"Expugno!" The redheaded Wicca announced, guesturing imperiously at the demon. From above its head, a small blue swirl of light winked into being a second before it began to pour water down on the electrified demon's head. An unearthly scream resonated in the chamber as it began to spark and crackle, convulsing wildly. Faith wound up with the Scythe, jabbing the wooden end into its chest and spinning away before she could get more than lightly zapped. Buffy picked up where she left off, catching the handle as the demon spun away from Faith. Buffy ripped the Scythe's stake out of its chest again and spun around, the Scythe singing as she cut off the demon's head. It landed with a meaty thunk on the ground, rolling slightly until it came to a stop, where it seemed to be giving Andrew a rebuking stare.

"...I did it!" Andrew declared, jumping triumphantly to his feet and trying to ignore the demon head. As one, the six Scoobies turned to glare at him.

"Um... I mean, we did it." He amended meekly. Andrew backed away from their combined stare, brushing against the demon's computer, a slight spark lighting briefly between the computer case and the PDA on his belt.
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