Me? Own Buffy or The Avengers, upon which the character of Catherine Peel is based? It is to laugh. Buffy & Co. belong to Joss Whedon; The Avengers belong to, well, Canal+ and A&E, I suppose.
It was mid-afternoon, and Buffy Summers was sitting in the Sunnydale High School library, watching Faith give Giles a piece of her mind. The younger Slayer had just heard about Buffy's Cruciamentum, and was seriously hacked off.
"How could you do that to B? How could you betray her like that? I'm this
close-" she held up her thumb and forefinger less than an inch apart, "from kicking your ass all over this library! And by the way, you tell the Council if they ever try that crap on me, I'll stick their needles where the sun don't shine! Got it?"
Giles took his glasses off and sighed. "Faith, much as I would love to continue this lovely conversation, we still have some business to-" He broke off suddenly, as someone walked into the Library. A very unexpected someone. "Mrs. Summers?"
Buffy looked up. "Mom? What are you doing here?"
Joyce Summers nervously glanced back and forth between her daughter and her daughter's mentor. She hadn't been sure which of them she wanted to talk to first, but as luck would have it, they were together.
But they weren't alone. "Faith, dear, could we please have some privacy? I need to talk to Buffy and Giles about something . . . personal."
Faith looked at her curiously for a moment, then shrugged. "Sure, Mrs. S, whatever you say." She glanced over her shoulder. "We still on for patrollin' tonight, B?"
Buffy, somewhat distracted, nodded. "Umm-hm. Meet ya at the Benoit crypt around eight-thirty."
Faith gave Giles one final glare, then stalked away.
Joyce kept an eye on her until she was out the double doors and into the hallway. Then she turned around, very much aware that Buffy and Giles were both staring at her intently. "Oh dear . . . I don't know quite how to say this . . . Buffy, you know we both had some blood tests done the other night, after . . . " She glanced at Giles. "After we made it out of that old hotel. Checking for tetanus, things like that. Well, the hospital called this morning after you left, and had me go in for a full examination."
Buffy's face paled in alarm. "Mom? Did they . . . is everything all right?"
Joyce looked down at her feet. "Well, that's a matter of opinion. I was told that I'm in excellent health for a 40-year old . . . pregnant . . . woman."
There was a long moment of silence. Buffy had started to relax as her mother said she was okay, but then that word "pregnant" came along and smacked her upside the head, and her thought processes went a little haywire -- okay, a lot
haywire.Preg-yaaaah! Mother. Preg-yeeeyeeyee . . . Mom. Mother-to-be. Image wa too icky to think about. Mom. Mom, announcing . . . this . . . to me . . . and Giles?!?
Her eyes opened very wide, and she looked over at her former Watcher.
He was staring at her mother, wearing an expression of shock.
Buffy's mouth opened and closed a few times, but nothing came out. Finally, two words forced their way out of her mouth: "Band candy?"
The other two replied almost in unison. "Band candy."* * *
"So Giles and your mom did the nasty? No way!" Faith said with a grin.
wish I was joking. But you were conveniently not here when Ethan Rayne pulled his little teenager-itis stunt." She groaned, and scuffed the ground with her shoe. "I should've known better than to trust my mom with a guy whose college nickname was 'Ripper.'"
The other Slayer smirked. "'Ripper?' Giles?
Now I know
you're yankin' my chain, B!"
Buffy sighed, and gave Faith a quick run-down of what she knew about Giles' mis-spent youth. "I've only seen that side of him a couple times, Faith, but trust me, there's one deadly serious ass-kicker hidden underneath all that tweed."
"Damn. Who'd'a thunk it?" She was silent for a moment or two. "So now what? Is he gonna be, like, movin' in with you guys?"
Buffy closed her eyes. "Ugh! Don't even suggest it!" She rubbed her face to clear her mind of the ooky imagery Faith's question had evoked. "I don't know what
they're planning right now. They asked if I could stay over with Willow tonight so they could have some time alone together to 'talk,'" she said, with big, sarcastic airquotes around the last word. "I don't trust them one bit -- look what happened the last
time I left them alone together."
Suddenly she glanced over Faith's shoulder. "Oooh, demon. I got issues to work out; gimme first whack at 'im?"
Faith grinned. "Sure thing, B. Just save some for me!"* * *
"You mean Giles, he, your mom, she, uh, um, they, oh wow . . . "
"Slow down, Wills. Just breathe normally . . . in, out, in, ou-ohmyGod
, forget I even said that!" Buffy blurted as she turned a bit green. Willow, in contrast, turned beet-red and continued to hyperventilate.
Xander sat for several seconds with his mouth hanging open, then asked, "You okay with this, Buff?"
"About which 'this?' My mom's pregnant. My mom's pregnant with Giles' baby. My mom -- eeeuuugh! -- hadsexwithGilesandispregnant with Giles' baby. Which thing am I supposed to be okay with?"
Oz looked up from his wheezing girlfriend, whom he was attempting to calm down, and quietly asked, "Start with the first. You're gonna have a baby sister or brother. You cool with that?"
Buffy pursed her lips and thought. "I dunno. It's . . . weird. Almost as weird as becoming the Slayer. I mean, it's gonna change everything around the house. My mom is gonna have to be home a lot more -- none of those long out-of-town art-buying trips for a while. And Giles-"
"I thought we weren't talking about Giles," Willow said, getting her breath back. "We're talking about you and the baby."
Buffy gave her an are you nuts?
look. "Willow, there is
no baby without Giles. I know him; he won't just leave my mom to take care of the baby all by herself, not even if she tells him to. He's going to be Mr. Responsible and be around all the time. I may see even more of him than when he was my Watcher," she said with a sigh.
"Is that really so bad?" Willow said. At Buffy's glare, she added, "Oh, I mean, maybe it'll be very very weird for you at first. But . . . remember your mom's last boyfriend? Having a former Watcher around the house has got to be better than an evil robot, or some other Hellmouthy thing. And your mom's gonna need someone to help out with the baby -- and it should be the baby's father."
Buffy groaned. But then she frowned and reallly thought about it. Thinking of Mom with anyone these days -- even Dad -- was strange. Thinking of her with Giles was wiggy to the max. But she knew Giles would keep her mother safe from the things that roamed Sunnydale, no matter what happened to Buffy herself.
Not to mention the baby. Knowing the 'Ripper' side of Giles existed actually helped in this case. She knew if anyone threatened his child, Giles would take the offender apart, whether it was a human, vampire, or big ugly beastie.
The question she kept coming back to was, what would this mean as far as Giles' relationship with her?I'm still all freaked about Giles giving me that drug, then that Quentin guy accusing him of having "a father's love" for me. Who's the real Giles? The Watcher? 'Ripper?' Or what?* * *
In the end, Buffy couldn't say she was too unhappy with what her mother and Giles worked out. Not that she still wasn't wigged, but it was tolerable. Giles would be helping her mother out with medical bills and so forth, and she was even thinking about having him help out at the art gallery. As a former curator at the British Museum, he actually knew a fair amount about art, from an academic and historical standpoint at least. Whether he had the right kind of taste -- the kind to pick out stuff that would sell -- was still to be determined.
On the relationship side, it looked like things were going to move slowly . . . but they were moving. Giles wasn't going to be moving in with them, but her mother came right out and said that she liked 'Rupert' -- they had agreed that it was pretty ridiculous to continue to refer to each other by their last names, under the circumstances -- and that she intended to see if they could get past the band candy embarrassment and try things out.
Over the next couple of weeks, "trying things out" turned into Giles having dinner at the house one night while Buffy was out on patrol. a couple of dinners out together, and -- this sent Buffy into spasms of eeewwwwws
-- a tentative kiss on the front porch.
And then the crisis with the Sisterhood of Jhé went down, and Giles nearly got himself killed in the battle to close the Hellmouth again. The morning after, sitting at a table with him and the rest of the Scoobies -- minus Xander, who had been fortunately absent from that fight, and Angel, who was at the mansion recovering from his injuries -- she said to Giles, "I don't know how you managed. It was the bravest thing I've ever seen."
She wasn't surprised when his answer was a typical self-deprecating Giles response: "The stupidest."He
looked surprised, however, when she replied, "That too." When he stared at her, probably shocked that she had said such a thing, she added, "Giles, if I'm gonna have a little brother or sister, I want him or her to have a father around. And . . . I kinda like having you around myself," she added with a small smile.That grin on Giles' face is probably the biggest I've seen since that time he got all excited about researching werewolves
, she thought with a silent laugh.