Just A Little Peril!
Spoilers- This is set in a fuzy AU’ed timeline, therefore there are no specific spoilers except for the movie ‘Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail.’
Disclaimer- None of the following characters belong to me, I am characterless. Lol
Note- One should never combine alcohol/sugar and Monty Python, it leads to things like this…
Wesley blinked the water from his eyes. It really was a horrible night. The rain hadn’t let up at all and it hadn’t helped his mood when his rental car broke down.
Wesley sighed. Willow and Angel would probably be going spare by now. He had left this morning, wanting to scout the territory and meet with a few of his more sensitive informants. He was actually on his way back to the hotel after meeting with a hydrophobic demon when the car broke down. This being rural Europe and a rather secluded area, Wesley had spent the last two hours looking for a house, or even a phone booth.
Splattered with mud, chilled to the bone and wet clothes clinging to him like a second skin, he walked towards a strange light. Wesley practically ran up to the ancient looking castle, the light that drew him still shining on its roof. He knocked heavily on the door.
Surprisingly, the door opened immediately revealing a lithe blonde woman.
The woman blinked rapidly. “Oh, hello.”
“Hello, um… I was wondering if I might possibly use your phone?”
The woman looked Wesley over and smiled as she ushered him inside. “Of course. Please, do come in. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax. My name is Zoot.”
“This rain is wrecking my hair,” Angel grumbled.
Willow shot him an exasperated glare. “We’re almost there, Angel. Honestly, up to his ass in demon gore… but don’t mess with the hair,” Willow mumbled.
“I heard that.”
Willow smirked. “I know.”
Willow linked her arms through his. “Come on. My little green lights say Wesley went this way.”
Angel pulled up short. “Willow, you’re sure Wes went this way?”
Willow watched the horde of little green lights of her locater spell dart forward and then dance back, encouraging the two to follow them.
Angel tensed. “We’ve got to hurry. Wes’s in trouble.”
Angel tugged Willow forward, lifting her into his arms when she stumbled.
“He’s at the Castle Anthrax. It’s full of women. I stayed there once, back when I was Angelus.”
“But, women… why…?”
“They’re demons, Wills. The black widow type.”
“Yes, you must give us all spankings! And then the oral sex!”
“Yes, the oral sex!”
“I- well, I… that does… I mean-“
Angel paused at the heavy wooden door. “C’mon, Wes, put that big brain of yours to use.”
“It has been many years since we have seen a man. We’ve been ever so lonely.”
“Oh, well in that case…”
Angel kicked the door open and burst into the room. Willow followed closely behind him, magic sparking over her outstretched fingers.
Wesley stared at his friends in bemusement. “Hullo, what are you doing here?”
Angel pushed his way through all the girls and grabbed Wesley’s arm. “We’re getting you out of here.”
“But why? They are such lovely girls.”
Zoot smiled at him, her teeth slightly longer and pointier then they had been before.
Angel growled lowly. “You’re in great peril.”
“No, I’m not!” Wesley defended desperately, as he tried to tug his arm out of Angel’s firm grasp.
One of the blonde women sidled up to Willow. “You have such lovely hair. Are you sure you want to take your friends and leave? We could all have so much fun!”
Willow grinned goofily. “Did I hear something about oral-“
Willow shook herself. “Right. Pheromones, sex and a messy, messy death. I’m back.”
Finally tired of arguing with Wesley, Angel punched him. Wesley slumped forward, dazed. With little effort, Angel hauled the semi-conscious man over his shoulder and ran for the door. He paused to grab Willow.
Wesley struggled weakly as he watched the women disappear.
“Wait, please! Just a little peril!”