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Fates of Love: Catfight

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Summary: With permission, this is part of bighead's Fates of Love series: Buffy Meets Catwoman

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
DC Universe > Batman > Buffy-CenteredcmdruhuraFR181424,51347652,2457 Feb 0812 Nov 14No


Author: cmdruhura with permission of bighead for his Fates of Love universe
Rating: R - Mainly for language
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I receive no profits from this. It is just for fun.
Archiving: Please ask.
Feedback: Constructive Criticism desired.
Beta: greywizard & bighead.
Summary: Buffy Meets Catwoman.

AN: Thoughts (\\Good abs!//)


Selina Kyle exited her bathroom after a long hot shower. The grit and grime of her fight with the illegal alien smugglers washed away with most of the minor aches and pains obtained during the fight. It wouldn’t have been so bad if the takedown of the gang had actually occurred in another two days like she’d originally planned. However, some hot shot security guard had spooked them into deciding to waste their human cargo rather than take the chance any of them might give their descriptions to the authorities.

After all the trouble she had been through in the last five months dismantling the entire child prostitution, white slavery, drug, and smuggling cartel that operated mainly out of Southeast Asia, she was not going to allow this last group to literally get away with murder.

The news was on the TV, describing the arrest of the gang, though her name was not mentioned, for which she was both thankful and slightly miffed. While she hadn’t done what she did for praise, a small part of her would have been pleased to receive some positive recognition. However, the practical side of her reminded her that anonymity, especially in this case, was preferred.

Adding to the list of people that might be gunning for her was not conducive to longevity. There were enough already looking to nail her hide to their trophy wall as it was.

Once the news finished about her exploits earlier in the day, they switched to a lighter topic -- specifically, what was going on with Gotham’s movers and shakers. She was about to turn off the TV when a video clip narrated by the local gossip maven showed a well dressed man escorting a short blonde woman in a short, gorgeous designer dress into one of Gotham’s more prestigious restaurants.

The anchor woman announced, “Our roving camera spotted Gotham’s own Bruce Wayne entering L’Elegante Crepe with an unknown female escort. Though not confirmed, from what we can see, Mr. Wayne’s companion is the same one he has been seen with twice before. Considering that he rarely is seen with the same woman more than once in a given year, the fact that they have been seen together on three separate occasions over the last three months makes this reporter wonder if Gotham’s resident playboy is thinking of settling down. Given the fact that her name is not known and no good photos of her are available everything seems to point to a semi-secret romance.”

Selina turned off the TV and nearly threw the remote against the wall immediately thereafter. Though she and Bruce did not have an exclusive relationship, she did have proprietary feelings towards him, Vicki and Talia not withstanding.

The reporter was right in that Bruce rarely dated the same woman twice, mostly because of his other nocturnal pursuits. Therefore, something must be up and she resolved she was going to find out what it was.

For Bruce’s own safety, of course.


After using a disguise to scope out that her quarry was still there, Selina changed clothes in the ladies room and re-entered the restaurant from the direction that would have Bruce’s back to her so she could approach almost all the way to their table before being detected.


Buffy was enjoying her outing with Bruce. She and Xander’s boss had become good friends since she had met him upon her return from Themyscira. He was witty and charming and she felt a kinship with him that she didn’t quite understand. It was different from what she felt with Jason, but similar all the same. She tried not to over-analyze it too much, even though it seemed strange that such a renowned playboy would have that type of vibe. Since he wasn’t her boyfriend, she just decided to go with the flow of his friendship. Besides, like Jason, he knew all the best places to take a Slayer when she was hungry.

They had finished their entrees, hers being a bottomless bucket of Snow Crab legs that she had limited herself to only three refills, and were waiting for one of the restaurant’s signature desserts when she noticed the dark haired woman approaching their table. The floor length gown she was wearing was slit to the hip on one side and the top half was just two strips of cloth that went from the waistband to tie behind her neck like a halter, thus showing a large expanse of skin from her neck to her navel while barely keeping her from being charged with indecent exposure in a public place.

While the woman looked familiar, Buffy couldn’t place her right away. She did get the feeling that her pleasant evening was about to come to an end, though, especially since the only way the woman could have gotten that close before Buffy had seen her meant that she hadn’t come from the front of the restaurant, and Buffy knew she hadn’t been seated at any of the table from that direction. The woman’s approach also put Bruce’s back to her, so Buffy assumed he was the woman’s ‘target’. Deciding not to take any chances with her date’s welfare, Buffy got ready to intervene if necessary.

Bruce immediately noticed her shift in posture and asked, “Buffy, what’s wrong?”

Although he had said it in a low voice, the woman apparently heard him in that she nearly laughed out as she stepped next to their table and looked down at Bruce while keeping her back to her, “Buffy!? Buffy!? God, Bruce, I know you really like to go over the top with your playboy image but to actually be dating someone named Buffy is just too cliché, even for you. Is she also a cheerleader from California as well?”

“Selina!” was Bruce’s startled reply, not expecting to find her back in town for another day or two. A quick look at Buffy showed that she was not at all pleased with Selina’s attitude about her name but was not going to make a scene at the moment.

However, that didn’t mean she was just going to sit there and do nothing.

“As a matter of fact, yes,” said the slowly seething Slayer with a bit of menace in her voice.

“That’s nice, dear,” said Selina condescendingly, totally ignoring the tone of voice Buffy had used and barely even turning towards the petite blonde before continuing to talk to Bruce as though the girl wasn’t there.

“I mean really, Bruce, it’s so gimmicky. No one in their right mind names their child Buffy.”

The shift in the look of Buffy’s eyes when Selina inadvertently disparaged Buffy’s mother had Bruce wondering if he could retrieve the special syringe dart he had in his belt and use it before Selina became a permanent part of the restaurant’s décor. Before he could act, though, there was another shift in Buffy’s eyes. This one made him wonder if he had enough liquid capital to pay for rebuilding all of Gotham City, ‘cause now he didn’t think the drug in the dart would be strong enough to keep her from razing the city to the ground in the pursuit of making Selina pay for her faux pas. Maybe he should signal the rest of the League?

“Bruciekins,” came a sugary, sweet, little girl voice from the severely ticked off Slayer, though one couldn’t tell from looking at her. “Is this the OLD maiden aunt you told me about? The lonely OLD one that lives with all those cats?”

Buffy had finally recognized the woman, having been clued in when Bruce said her name. She knew that Bruce had previously dated the sometime crook, sometime heroine and that Selina had apparently spotted them and was there to re-mark her territory.

Selina stiffened at hearing what the young woman said. Her demeanor also changed to that of a pure predator planning a strike.

Dismissing his idea to call for help because even Superman couldn’t arrive in time to stop the imminent explosion, Bruce decided something drastic was needed before things *really* got out of hand.

Standing, so as to be able to have more options open to him, including simply getting out of the way of the two women, he said, “Selina Kyle, I’d like to introduce you to Buffy Summers, Queen of The Alexions, ally of the Amazons, and member of the Board of Directors to an organization to which I contribute. And since it was her late mother who gave her her name, I suggest you apologize before you become the center of a diplomatic incident.”

\\Actually that would be safer than what Buffy was planning you to be the center of,// he thought.

A small pout started to form on Buffy’s face because of Bruce’s intervention but was quickly replaced with regal air instead, as a shocked Selina whirled to take a closer look at the young woman.

Selina was, of course, aware that the Amazon Nation was eschewing centuries of isolation and seeking recognition as a sovereign nation. She had even read in an interview given by Princess Donna, AKA Wonder Girl, that they had undertaken the action after another Warrior Society she called The Alexions pointed out the advantages for doing so. Apparently, while The Alexions were not known by the masses, several governments had known of their existence and had been dealing with them for quite a while. That this mere slip of a girl was their Queen was beyond anything she could imagine.

That is, until she looked into her eyes. Those eyes were old. Not years old, but ages old. Possibly even older than the look that sometimes came to her own eyes, or Bruce’s. She also saw a fire that rivaled what she had once seen in a Bengal Tiger getting ready to defend its territory from an intruder.

\\Oh sh*t!!!// thought Selina. \\You’ve stepped in it this time for sure. Despite her outward appearance and the empty-headed blonde routine she had pulled, this girl . . . young woman is not to be taken lightly. The fact that Bruce spelled out exactly who she is, instead of who I am just reinforces that. He obviously believes she could take me. ‘Til I know more about her, it would be foolish to go against such a professional assessment.//

After a few heartbeats where she thought of and rejected several apologies, Selina just said, “Sorry.”

Buffy cocked an eyebrow and replied, “A bit lacking in the sincerity department, but since you didn’t add that you didn’t mean to be so hurtful with your comments, ‘cause we all know you did, I will accept your apology. Of course, the proper thing for me to do would be to apologize for my comment as well, but since it would be a lie, I won’t as you rightly deserved it. I will, however, be magnanimous and invite you to join us for dessert. You did, after all, get dressed up to scope out the competition, didn’t you?”

“Thank you, but I’ve had a long day as it is and don’t wish to intrude further,” Selina replied, avoiding the question Buffy asked.

Turning towards Bruce, she said, “Have a good evening. We’ll get together sometime.”

Selina then left the restaurant.

“You really didn’t have to imply to her that we’re dating,” said Bruce as he sat back down, relieved that there had been no bloodshed.

“I didn’t. I just let her know that I was aware of her true purpose for being here. I can’t be held responsible if she continues to think we’re an item,” the petite blonde smirked as she looked at her dinner companion. “The fact that you told her I was a high ranking member of an organization you dealt with should have clued her in that there’s no funny business going on between us. Besides, it won’t take her long to find out I’m dating Jason and she can go back to focusing her jealousy on your other paramours. Who knows, she might even show you her appreciation when she realizes you prevented her from having a prolonged hospital stay followed by a protracted rehabilitation period.”

“Now, let the waiter know we’re ready for dessert,” she continued, since the restaurant staff had been discreet and kept their distance. “That confrontation brought the hungries back again, so I’ll need a second helping.”

Knowing that a hungry Slayer was a cranky Slayer, Bruce quickly got their waiter’s attention and actually ordered Buffy a third dessert, just to be on the safe side.


Of course, Buffy wasn’t the only person who was a bit hyped up from the adrenaline rush Selina’s visit had caused.

Selina herself was in need of an outlet for having to back down from the other alpha female without getting into a physical contest first. She wasn’t in the mood for doing the superhero thing, so she settled for rousting several of her contacts for any info on Buffy Summers, The Alexions, and the organization Bruce had mentioned. To her continued frustration, there wasn’t much that her usual contacts knew.

She did not get the restful night’s sleep like she had planned on.


AN: Vicki Vale, Talia al Ghul

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