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War of the Worlds Actually

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Summary: Alien demons invade Earth, will characters from BtVS(Dawn, Faith, Sam Finn, Kennedy), Love Actually(Karen) and Tom Cruise's War of the Worlds find love and not get turned into blood thickshakes?

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Love Actually
Literature > Sci-Fi > Author: H. G. Wells
(Past Donor)KiwikatipoFR15714,7381302,38329 Sep 0813 Jan 09No



Newark, New Jersey, Saturday

Screams and explosions filled the air along with a slight smell of smoke and brick dust.

In the back yard of their former sanctuary Faith and Kennedy scrambled over to their Italian trail bike.

The lipless mouth lacking Faith breathed carefully through her nose, she’d never been a mouth breather, as long as she didn’t hyperventilate or nothing she’d be dandy. (She was carefully focusing on remaining calm and serene like a prison shrink had taught her to back in NCWF, and not dwell too much on the fact that a giant three legged robot thing could be seen approaching over the roof tops at the far end of the block.)

On the other hand Kennedy was now a slayer power free zone, she tried with full little old lady might to shove Faith up on the passenger seat of the bike and failed dismally, she proved to be a bit creaky upon getting back on the bike as well.

An amused Faith itched to say ‘C’mon, Grandma.’ Except she couldn’t fucking speak because of that wicca-dyke- geek-stalker, Willow Rosenberg.

The sounds of buildings collapsing around the corner began to be heard. Kennedy wrapped her hands around Faith’s waist. “Since when did demons start to use NASA technology?” Kennedy complained in a frail elderly voice. “A heat ray is kinda more high tech that normal, don’t you think?”

Faith shrugged as she steered the trail bike through the backyard. She needed to get the spell that had been placed on them reversed pronto, because she had superpowers sure, but she wasn’t exactly a hot chick still from the neck up.

Aberdeenshire, Scotland, Saturday 2pm

Being asked to accompany her twin sister and honeymooning couples Harriet and Colin, and Carla and Tony, on a weekend tour of the Scottish Highlands had seemed like a fun idea at the time. Sam found Scots people real cute if their food real inedible, but their whiskey made up for all dietary shortfalls.

Coming back from answering a call of nature in nearby heather overlooking yet another scenic river, Sam found that a limousine had stopped to assist her travelling companions in fixing the engine in their broken down converted nineteen-sixties double decker bus.

Sam’s sister Stacey was flirting shamelessly with a Welshman named Terry poking in the bus’s inner oily workings.

Colin was engaged in a sparring match with the limousine’s dark haired female occupant Natalie the vampire slayer, Downing Street’s tea-lady, and the prime minister’s sexy young lover, or ‘thunder thighs’ if she’d pissed off the tabloids that week.

“I said to David and Terry don’t stop or nuffink because you lot might be fuckin’ terrorists and you might as well ‘ave been, Colin.” Natalie had one hand on her curvy hip and the other hand with a pointed index finger jabbing in Colin’s chest.

“Darling,” Britain’s Prime Minister tried in vain to calm his girlfriend down, “I’m sorry this man wrecked your science project deliberately in First Form, but his wanton destruction was over fifteen years ago surely?”

“I worked all blinkin’ week on that Papier Mache model of a preying mantis’s life cycle.”Natalie leaned into Colin’s face, she had loathed the clumsy sleazy git’s guts all through their shared secondary schooling at the local grotty comprehensive. How Colin had managed to score the beautiful American vampire slayer Harriet as his bride, fucking baffled her knickers off.

David Lemon gave it all up as a lost cause, he wished there was mobile phone coverage in this remote highland area, because he wanted to remind his sister gently that seeing Downing Street was a historic building etc, Bernie his nephew truly needed to refrain from cutting strips off curtains and then setting fire to them in the state bathroom’s claw foot tub,for ‘carbon dating’ purposes.

He sighed ruefully and unscrewed the lid of his tea thermos, and to think he was only on this back road in the first place because he thought travelling from Edinburgh by car would be more romantic than flying, seeing how Natalie always came over all queasy in mid-air.

“I’m glad the Armageddon turned out to be a false alarm,” Harriet mentioned chattily to Sam as they leaned against the bus and enjoyed the fresh Scottish breeze wafting across their faces. “I’ve always wanted to see a red deer and stroke a haggis.”

“Yeah,” Sam was constantly astounded at how sweet and yet dumb Harriet was. “All the danger omen s disappearing on Friday night must have meant a slayer or a demon hunter somewhere stopped the latest end of the world happening.”

“Or the demons trying to destroy the world put up a magical cloaking device so they could carry out their plans of evil without being detected and crap, that thought has been bugging the dickens outta me all morning.” Harriet pulled out a stick of gum from her cowboy jacket and offered it to Sam, “Spearmint?”

Harriet might not know haggis from hogget but her slayer instincts were top notch.

Over their heads a flight of RAF jet fighters flew like metallic swallows, heading straight towards a distant castle, the flag flying turrets of which could be seen over the surrounding forest.

Harriet used a tourist brochure as an impromptu eyeshade so she could see them more clearly against the sunny spring afternoon sky.

Behind the jets came a huge flying saucer noiseless, inhuman and fast. It blasted the RAF Harriers from the sky one by one with a high powered green death ray.

To everyone’s horror the flying saucer next directed a huge laser beam at a nearby grey stone thirteenth century castle and slowly razed it to the ground.

Their pathetic adolescent feud forgotten, Natalie and Colin instinctively clutched hands in mutual upset shock.

A thought struck her, Harriet rifled through her tourist brochure to confirm her suspicion. Yep. “Holy crap! The Queen of England’s holiday home just got blown up.”

Giles flat, London, United Kingdom, Saturday 2pm

Seeing no one had any concrete idea where Giles was at the present time, the four adults decided to evacuate London immediately. Dawn found herself grabbing bottles of soda water from Giles drink cabinet and hastily packing a sturdy wicker picnic basket with packets of dried fruit and cans of baked beans.

“Baked beans make Daisy fart.” Bernard announced helpfully as he hovered at Dawn’s side while she ransacked Giles larder.“Put in those fancy chocolates, they’re the dairy bit in the food pyramid.”

Dawn rolled her eyes and included the Belgian candy Giles was partial to in the emergency rations; chocolate was good for shock or something she guessed.

Mark and Xander had stripped Giles wardrobe of all lightweight rain jackets.

Mia had grabbed clothes from Dawn’s closest to redress herself and the kids in at a later date.

It only took them all fourteen minutes to pack and leave. They departed the street with a moving camouflage spell surrounding them cast by Mark and Dawn combined, Mark rode on Giles ancient ten speed, Xander doubled Daisy on the courier’s bicycle he had managed to acquire somehow to reach Dawn as soon as possible, a protesting Bernard rode on Daisy’s pink handled bike, Dawn was allocated Bernard’s too small for her bicycle and Mia peddled determinedly on her own sturdy machine.

“Shouldn’t we be trying to fight these demons, put their machines out of action or something?” Dawn pointed out again.

“Seeing how none of us are slayers or warlocks or uber witches like Willow Rosenberg I think that is a foolish suicidal idea.” Mia rejoindered with accurate summation of the situation at hand.

“I knew you were a witch,” Bernard accused Mia in belated triumph.

“Not a very good one.” Mia smiled enigmatically.

Xander grinned at her, Mia and women like her were way out of his league, but he admired anyone that could get covered with dust from dead people and have regained their composure twenty minutes later. “So do you know Will?” he asked conversationally.

“No, but I had a friend in a coven here who worked with her three years ago was it?” Mia swerved to avoid a pedestrian who had suddenly emerged between two parked cars.

“We’ll make for the Thames,” Mark instructed everyone, “Just like in the Blitz.”

“Don’t you mean the underground?” Mia corrected, her grandfather in the Luftwaffe had cheerfully dropped bombs on London in 1941 all summer.

“No, I mean the Thames.” Mark insisted, “It’s our best chance of getting out of London quickly.”

“Everyone will be making for the Thames.” Xander pointed out, “And all ships motors will be dead thanks to EMP.”

“Good thing, I know where rowing boats are then.” Mark announced smugly.

“Rowing... is that how you keep your arms so strong, Mark.” Mia purred in approval.

Dawn wondered where invading alien demons with death rays were when you truly needed them.

Outskirts of Newark, New Jersey,

After negotiating her way ruthlessly through the nearest freeway filled with stalled traffic and people on foot trying to beg steal or borrower the two slayers trail bike, Faith passed through outer suburbs that still had their lights working.

“Check into that motel.” Kennedy urged Faith in her ear, “We need to call Cleveland, get all the slayers they can up to Newark and I’m busting.”

Faith swung a uey. She turned into the driveway of the motel. She went to dismount before realising that someone with no mouth couldn’t communicate with a bellhop.

Kennedy hobbled inside rubbing her non perky butt.

She came out again in three minutes. “Line isn’t working.” Kennedy explained. “I want to go to Boston, check up on Blair.”

Faith shook her head and followed Kennedy into the motel unit she had booked. Her eyes lit up at the sight of a pen lying on a table.

We need to go to Athins .” Faith wrote firmly on a take out menu.

“Athens?” Kennedy did a quick decode of Faith’s terrible spelling. “Greece or local? And why?”

Athins on the river. I now a which there. She can reverse Willow's spells

“You mean you hope she can reverse Willow’s spells.” Kennedy sighed, “Yeah, okay, but then I’m going to Boston.”

Washington DC

Glowing lights on the map of the world on a huge screen in a bunker under the Pentagon showed where the tripods were attacking which was basically all four corners of the earth.

“Nifty that the Bahamas hasn’t been invaded yet, I was thinking of going for a week in August there.” Willow confessed to one of the president’s aides.

Willow had cast a spell that gave Washington DC an impenetrable bubble of protection not a minute too soon.

Ominous clouds had gathered over the United States of America’s capital city and things had looked grim for Washingtonians until Willow had pulled her witchy-poo mojo.

There was however a slight problem for those in Washington. The alien demons had erected their own forcefield over the top of Willow’s ten minutes ago and no one in Washington could get out of the city aerially.

London, United Kingdom, Saturday 2pm

Harry Williams had only intended to pop out for five minutes to the corner shop and buy a copy of The Guardian and a pint of milk, instead he had been caught in an earthquake following a power cut and was lying dying underneath a pile of rubble in the local dry cleaners.

He was in excruciating agony and all alone as he breathed his final breath, and in a way by cheating on his wife Karen he had brought his gruesome lonely death without any human kindness or comfort all upon himself.

His last thought was of his kids, he hoped to God that Mia would look after them properly until Karen came for them.

Outskirts of Woking, United Kingdom, Saturday 6pm

Trudging through damp spring grass, Karen and Giles made their way back to London in the twilight, trying not to trip over mole hills or fall into rabbit burrows. They didn’t talk to each other at all, Karen was trying to take everything in and all she could think of was the kids, the kids, for all his recent bastard behaviour Harry was a great dad, they’d be all right as long as they had Harry. Maybe Mia would get killed by an alien death ray, and with that cheerful heartening thought Karen picked up her stride.

Giles didn’t think going back to London was a good idea, but everything he needed was back there including young Dawn, he could never face Buffy again if anything happened to Dawn.

The End?

You have reached the end of "War of the Worlds Actually" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 13 Jan 09.

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