Disclaimer: I don't own so don't sue.
Author’s Note: This fic was inspired from challenge # 840 located at The challenge is to basically have a Wizard of Oz/BtVS crossover, but with BtVS characters and this is what I did… at 3 in the morning.
A/N2: This is set at the end of season 6, before Spike leaves for Africa.
The characters are as follows:
Tin man: Xander
Wicked Witch: Ethan Rayne
Wizard of Oz: Jonathan
“That’s it!” Spike yelled as he stomped into his crypt and promptly started packing all of his possessions. Twenty seconds later Spike was finished packing and left the crypt, probably for the last time. He didn’t own anything except for the clothes on his back and the pack of fags in his pocket. It took him twenty seconds to pack nothing because that was how long it took for him to realize that he didn’t own anything to pack. The crypt wasn’t his to begin with; he was just sharing it with the current occupant. After all, he was sure Mr. I’ve-been-a-dead-corpse-longer-than-I’ve-been-alive wasn’t going to object. Besides, it wasn’t as if Spike could just fit the crypt into the pocket of his leather duster; the crypt was much too big for that.
“I’m not going to be the Slayer’s doormat any longer just because I can’t kill her,” Spike muttered to himself while stalking through the graveyard. “It’s not like I wanted to have this chip in my head… I probably can’t even pick flowers now without getting a migraine. Not that I would pick flowers anyway because I’m a big, bad vampire and big, bad vampires don’t pick flowers. It’s not manly.”
Spike was almost out of the graveyard when an earthquake started, knocked him off his feet, which caused him to his head on a headstone, and become unconscious. Several hours later when Spike awoke he was very confused. For one, it was daytime outside and he wasn’t a big pile of ashes. Secondly, he was not in a graveyard. In fact, he was sure he wasn’t in the same universe anymore.
“I don’t think I’m in Sunnydale anymore,” Spike said aloud as he took in his surroundings.
“I wasn’t in Sunnydale to begin with,” a voice beside him said.
Spike turned around and saw a slightly shorter person than him with multi-colored hair that stuck up in all directions.
“Hey, aren’t you Dog-boy?” Spike asked him.
“I usually go by Oz,” Oz said.
Spike was going to ask him how he got here and where here was but tiny, little people interrupted him. All around midgets in funny little clothes and pointed hats were dancing and singing.
“Ding dong, the witch is gone. The wicked witch, the evil witch,” they sang. “Ding dong, the wicked witch is gone.”
Spike and Oz looked over to where the vertically challenged people were pointing and saw two high-healed shoed feet sticking out from under Spike’s crypt.
“Who’s that?” Oz asked.
“Looks like Glory,” Spike said.
“Evil Hell Goddess. Thought she was dead.”
“Looks like she is,” Oz replied. “I wonder where we are.”
Then out of nowhere, a bubble-yum bubble appeared and out stepped a skinny nerd wearing a pink tutu and holding a pink, sparkly, plastic wand.
“You are in the land of Oz,” the nerd informed them.
“Who are you?” The vampire and werewolf both asked.
“I am Andrew, the good witch of the North,” the nerd replied.
“Who?” They asked again.
“I set flying monkeys loose during Romeo and Juliet senior year,” Andrew said. When he received nothing but blank stares he continued. “I’m Tucker’s brother.”
This elicited an “Oh” from both parties.
“How do we get out of here?” Spike asked Andrew.
“Just follow the yellow brick road to Emerald City and talk to the Wizard of Oz,” Andrew told them.
Just then a yellow, brick road appeared out of nowhere and the midgets began to sing…again. “Follow the yellow brick, follow the yellow brick, follow the yellow brick road…”
Since Spike and Oz had nothing better to do they started on the yellow path to the Emerald city. They started walking until they came to a patch of farmland where a scarecrow was singing horribly off key.
“…oh, Mandy,” The scarecrow sang.
“Bloody hell, peaches!” Spike shouted while covering his ears with his hands. “Shut the hell up already! What are ya trying to do: kill us? ‘Cause it’s working.”
“No,” Angel the scarecrow replied. “I’m trying to scare away the crows.”
“You killed the bloody crows with your singing,” Spike told him. “They can’t go away due to the fact that they’re dead. Don’t you have any brains?”
“Actually, no,” Angel told him. “I don’t.”
“Figures,” Spike muttered. “Your poofter hair gel probably melted away whatever little bit you had to begin with… Well come on, maybe the wizard can give you a brain. Then maybe you’ll learn how to shut up.”
So Oz, Spike, and Angel continued walking down the path until they came to a small clearing in the woods. It looked like a carpenter had once lived there a long time ago. In the small clearing stood a tin man that was trying unsuccessfully to talk to them. Oz, seeing an oilcan, oiled the tin man up so he could move and talk once again.
“Oh, this feels so good to be able to talk and move again,” the tin man said, stretching his arms. “I’m Xander by the way. Who are you all?”
“I’m OZ, that’s Angel, and that’s Spike,” Oz told him. “How’d you get that way anyways?”
“My girlfriend said I was heartless so she turned me into a rusted tin man. I used to be a carpenter, you know,” Xander replied.
“Harsh,” Oz said. “What happened?”
“I left her at the alter,” he replied. “She didn’t like that too much.”
“Hmm,” was all Oz said.
The four of them went on their way down the yellow brick road. Spike and Oz trying to get home, Angel to get a… he doesn’t remember, and Xander to get a heart. After a while it started to get dark like it does when night comes. Soon enough they came across an ugly lion with matted fur that tried to bite them. But before the lion could bite them the sun fully set and Oz turned into a… werepuppy?
“I thought he was a werewolf?” Spike asked no one in particular.
“So did I,” Xander answered, equally confused.
Angel was confused to begin with so he didn’t count.
Spike and Xander turned and saw that the sorry excuse for a lion had been chased away by the Oz-puppy.
“Hey,” Xander said. “Wasn’t that Riley?”
“Think so,” Spike responded. “But I don’t bloody care.”
Since it was night and the smelly lion was gone, Oz-puppy, Xander, Spike, and Angel decided to sleep there for the night. After all, what’s the worse that could happen?
Well, evidently the worse that could happen happened. Spike, Angel, Xander, and now human Oz woke up and found themselves surrounded by nothing other than a horde of teletubbies. They were trying to figure out who could be this evil when they looked up and saw-
“You’re the wicked wizard of the west!” Xander pointed out. “You’re evil!”
“Well aren’t you the bright one, bricklayer,” Spike taunted.
“I prefer to go by Ethan if you don’t mind,” the wicked wizard told them. “Wicked wizard of the west is just so over rated now a days.”
“Wait a minute,” Spike said. “Ethan Rayne? The one who turned the watcher into a demon?”
“The one who cursed the band candy?” Oz asked.
“The one and only,” Ethan said. “I see you’re fans of my work. Would you two like an autograph?”
“No, thanks,” Oz said.
“You bloody wanker!” Spike yelled at him “I’m the one that had to drive demon-watcher around ‘cause he couldn’t drive his own bloody car! I’m going to kill you!”
“Hey, hey, wait,” Ethan said while backing away from the deranged vampire. “Kill me and you’ll never get rid of the teletubbies.”
“Then get rid of them before I rip your throat out,” Spike growled, advancing on the wizard.
Ethan said a quick reversal spell that made the teletubbies disappear but Ethan disappeared as well before Spike could kill him. Since there was no evil wizard to kill the odd group went on their way to Emerald City. Once they reached the gates and found out it was a beauty salon they quickly left.
Finally they came to the building where the Wizard of Oz resided and went in. What they saw was a giant, green, floating head.
“Who dares to disturb me?” The Wizard of Oz roared out in a booming voice. But Spike wasn’t at all intimidated. He sauntered over to the curtain with the feet sticking out and pulled the curtain away to reveal another short, nerdy person.
“Jonathan?” Oz asked.
“Hi, Oz,” Jonathan squeaked out. “What brings you here?”
“Not sure,” he said. “Just woke up here.”
“You’re the powerful Wizard of Oz?” Spike sneered at the nerd.
“Yep!” Jonathan cheerfully replied.
“Then you can send me back?”
“Once you get me-”
“I don’t have to get you anything, whelp,” Spike growled at him. “You got that?”
“Y-yes,” Jonathan whimpered while backing away.
“Then send me home.”
“I said send me home!”
“But what about the others?” Jonathan asked timidly.
“Why should I care?” Spike said. “I’m an evil vampire remember?”
“Oh, right,” Jonathan replied. “Okay, just click you heels together three times and say there’s no place like home.” When Spike just raised an eyebrow Jonathan started talking again. “O-or just close your eyes.”
As stupid as that sounded Spike closed his eyes anyway. When he opened them again he had an enormous headache from where his head hit the headstone and he was once again in the cemetery.
“That’s the last time I have cheesy poofs with my blood,” Spike said, getting up and making his way out of Sunnydale and on his way to Africa.