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I wouldn't exactly call that sitting

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Summary: Xander is chosen... To babysit Dawn while Joyce joins Giles searching for Buffy in LA following the Alcatha incident. Unfortunately for Xander, Dawn has a plan, The Mayor has a spell, and TV has its first live broadcast Reality Show!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Multiple Crossings > Xander-Centered(Current Donor)dogbertcarrollFR182049,492248733197,50417 Jan 1024 Mar 14Yes

Sitting Epilogue Tying up Loose Ends

Reruns

Buffy froze in the street in front of a window display of televisions as she saw Dawn and Xander on screen; she'd spent days as a slave in a hell dimension but she forgot all about that as she stared at the screen while Xander told her story … From his point of view. “Don't tell her that!” she groaned as she recalled the frat house episode.

“I gotta get to Sunnydale,” she muttered as she watched Xander yell at Dawn to run a few minutes later.

“When are the tapes coming out?” a teenage girl asked a young guy, making Buffy realize there was an entire crowd standing around watching.

“The show just finished a couple of hours ago,” the boy replied. “So, I'm guessing a quick release on Friday and then a set with all the bells and whistles a couple of weeks later.”

“The show's over?” Buffy asked, wondering what was going on.

“Yeah, this is just the highlight reel,” the boy said. “Personally I think filming everything live and posting it was brilliant. The last two days probably had more people watching than anything since the moon landing.”

“Ted!” Buffy whispered in horror as he made an appearance ten minutes later.

“I love Ted!” The boy said with enthusiasm. “He's what an android should be, none of that crappy terminator stuff.”

“I think I'd rather have a copy of the X-bot,” the girl replied with a leer.

'X-bot?' the blonde slayer thought, her face scrunched in confusion.

“I prefer Faith,” the boy replied. “Now there's a slayer I could get behind.”

The girl laughed. “You'd die from exhaustion.”

“And how's your heart health?” the boy flirted back making her blush.

The crowd cheered as Dawn reloaded the gun, making Sally wet herself and flee from the diner.

Buffy paled as she saw Xander release the Primal and it went after Dawn, only to snicker as Dawn proved to be too much for it.

Xander's on screen death made her feel faint, but his resurrection a few seconds later came as less of a shock than she would have thought it warranted; she knew just how stubborn he could be.

Her eyes lingered on X-bot's … frame while she watched the climax of the show.

“I wonder if they'll make a show about the Slayer?” the girl asked.

“Faith: the Vampire Slayer?” the boy mused thoughtfully. “Gotta be better than Buffy.”

“You're just saying that because there would be more sex and nudity,” the girl teased.

“Less pointless drama,” the boy argued. “The whole Angel disaster was beyond obvious before it began.”

Buffy winced at that but silently argued that it was only obvious in hindsight as she hurried to gather her things and head home.

Thought and Memory

Cordelia and Harmony were both laid out on a pyre, someone had dressed them in black leather with plain white shirts underneath.

The sun sank below the horizon while hundreds of bikers stood silently in the surrounding desert waiting for something.

With a gasp Cordelia and Harmony awoke and sat up. They'd been laid side by side with their feet at each other’s head so the first thing they saw was each other. As their eyes met they each recalled their last moments and groped around for a wooden stake. Simultaneously they staked one another and smiled as they realized their friend had chosen to spare them the fate of being a vampire over saving themselves. As their breath stilled they fell forward with their heads coming to rest on each other’s shoulders like embracing lovers.

Groans came from half the bikers while the other half laughed and wads of cash changed hands.

Loki tossed a torch, lighting the pyre and turned to Thor, “I can't believe they did that.”

Thor chuckled.

Odin popped a beer and the three waited while the party started around them and the flames climbed up the pyre to lap at the two girls bodies.

“Ahhhh!” the two screamed, scrambling out of the flames with stakes still in their chests.

Odin roared with laughter while Thor and Loki got out sticks and marshmallows.

“What the hell?!” the girls chorused.

“You fought and died bravely,” Odin said. “So we bent some rules and pulled a crow on you two.”

The girls pulled the stakes out of their chests and watched the wounds slowly vanish.

“So we have to avenge our deaths?” Cordelia asked.

“Nah, we dusted those bastards,” Thor said as he roasted a marshmallow.

“So what do we have to do?” Harmony asked.

“Party, have fun, wear black leather … stake vamps...” Loki listed off.

“I'm not spending eternity wearing black leather,” Cordelia firmly denied. “For hunting vamps? Sure, but not the rest of the time.”

“Hey!” Harmony said suddenly. “We can hit on Xander and not have to worry about Dawn shooting us!”

“I've got a better idea …” Sunnydale High's ruling queen said as she waved at someone to toss her a beer.

Wolf in Iron

“Am I a bad friend?” Willow asked Oz.

“Just for a minute there,” Oz demurred. “Happens to everyone. Most of the time I'm sure Xander would describe you as his best friend.”

Willow squeezed his hand as he sat beside her hospital bed. “You are such a good boyfriend.”

“I try,” the blue haired werewolf replied modestly. “I am thinking about starting a local chapter of the Church of Al though.”

“The Church of Al?” Willow asked, obviously confused.

“It’s based on the idea that god loves us and created things so we could be happy,” he explained. “It’s a new religion.”

“That sounds nice,” Willow murmured, slowly falling asleep once more.

Watch and Learn

“Now all we have to do is find Buffy,” Joyce said.

Giles nodded. “I know where she'll be tomorrow possibly, but not today.”

*Knock Knock*

“Who could that be?” Giles asked, opening the door and finding Buffy there along with several people in suits.

“Buffy!” Joyce exclaimed before sweeping her daughter up in a hug that made Buffy wonder if she really got her strength from being a slayer.

“Can I help you?” Giles asked, eying the suits cautiously.

“My name is Lilah Morgan, I'm with Wolfram and Hart's Entertainment team. I have a couple of papers I need you to sign so we can handle the release of The Show. The college students who filmed it forgot to get your signatures so your minor children could perform in public.”

“Wolfram and Hart?” Giles asked coldly, eyes narrowed.

“Yes,” Lilah agreed, seemingly unaffected by his attitude. “We need the paperwork filed so we can take care of all the legal details; like making sure the cameramen are paid and the special effects crew patents their work. For instance Xander's paperwork for being adopted by you is just waiting for a final check. We handle everything honest and above board with no-fault clauses for the four of you.”

Giles glanced at the contracts she handed him with some surprise.

“No legalese, just one percent for contracted work and only on The Show so it doesn't get lost in … Limbo,” she said pointedly.

“I'd hate to have cameras pointed at the wrong things,” Giles agreed, signing the contract and passing it on to Joyce. “One percent is more than reasonable.”

Joyce nodded and signed, not letting go of Buffy.

“I'll take care of everything else,” Lilah promised, accepting the contract back before turning to the rest of the suits who'd been waiting. “Gentlemen if you'll follow me we'll get everything handled quickly.”

“So this was an accidental broadcast of a college film?” one of the suits asked.

“Yes, and we aren't going to gouge anyone unless they try and screw my clients by low balling them,” she warned.

“I'm actually here to see about signing Xander and Dawn to a three movie deal,” one of the others spoke up.

“Once I take care of these gentlemen I'll look at what you're offering. If it’s a good deal I'll be more than willing to forward it for their consideration,” she promised. “Now, everyone follow me.”

“Contracts?” Buffy asked as Giles closed the door. “What's going on?!”

“Somehow Xander and your sister had their last couple of days broadcast live,” Giles explained. “Wolfram and Hart are quite evil, but much like us, don't want to see the world destroyed by chaos and panic unless they cause it of course. They're going to cover everything up for 1% of the money Xander and Dawn make off the broadcast.”

“And adopting Xander?” Buffy asked.

“They're protecting Xander's interests by removing his parents from the equation. I would've adopted him long ago if I thought it would pass.”

“Now that all that's been taken care of, can I fall apart?” Joyce asked.

Mark the Spot with X or G

X held a hand up and tilted his head to the side. “I got a call, hold on.”

The other three in the car fell silent.

“Dad, I've got a request from Harmony and Cordelia for their own copy of me, since they seem to have been empowered and put into the vamp hunting business,” X-bot said.

“How'd they get your number?” Faith asked.

“They asked Thor and Loki,” X-bot replied with surprise a moment later.

“I have a backup unit for you in Sunnydale,” Ted said thoughtfully from the driver's seat. “I suppose I can handle making another backup for you back home.”

“Backup?” Faith asked.

“My main repair bay is underneath the house in Sunnydale; I made sure to transmit all the data I've gathered back there so if these two bodies were destroyed we could reactivate and continue on.”

“I'll send them over to pick him up,” X-bot said.

“Have them alter his looks a bit so he doesn't get confused with Xander.”

“Will do,” X-bot agreed.

Faith looked at X-bot. “So … I could have two of you?”

T-T-That's all folks!

Dawn smirked as they entered the exact same motel room they'd had earlier. “How's the shoulder?” she asked Xander curiously.

“A little sore,” Xander admitted. “Too much time firing with too little time resting, then there was the spear through the chest and Cake & Toast kicking me for a field goal.”

“How about a back rub?” Dawn offered.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Dawn said. “I rub you good and long,” she said with a bad Chinese accent.

Xander laughed and stripped off his shirt before collapsing face down on the bed.

“Just what every good story needs,” she grinned.

“Huh?” he asked, not moving.

“What does every good story need?” she asked, tossing her shirt aside and straddling him; more than happy to get her hands on him.

“A happy ending?” Xander guessed.

“Bingo,” she purred. “Massage first though.”

THE END

AN: Typing by Godogma, ignore whatever he says there is no sequel! This is IT!

TN: Sure … That's what he says now …
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