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Trainer of the Hellmouth

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Summary: If you look long enough into the Abyss, it might follow you home.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Anime > PokemonJCHattenFR766,942089,01327 Mar 1022 Nov 10No

Chapter One

Be warned: This is a kinda silly story *g*

Note from Hawklan: Yes, you will probably find Grammar and spelling errors here, because even if it sounds right to me it dosen't have to be. So please skip a useless review pointing that out. I would be more thankful if you point out the errors so I can fix them or offer yourself as a second beta, which would be the most helpful because I only can do so much.

Trainer of the Hellmouth or something that should never have been told

Author: John "hatten" Carlsson
Beta: Hawklan
Disclaimer: I am the KING of the world if any one tries anything I will send my legions of mice on them or rather I don't own a thing here so do not be mad.
BTVS belongs to Joss Whedon and Pokemon belong to whoever created it.

Summary: If you look long enough into the Abyss, it might follow you home.

Note2: Fair warning this story is a bit silly and strange, so feel you self warned before reading *g*


Chapter 1

Riing, riing, riing. It's a early night at the Summers place and we see how Joyce is sharpening a couple of Stakes at the kitchen table when the telephone rings. She walked over and answered it with a peaceful expression.

"Hello, Summers residence, Joyce is speaking," she said into the phone.

Person on the other side, "----"

Joyce: "Hi Giles, what can I help you with?"

Giles: "-------"

Joyce: "No you are not disturbing me. I was just sharpening my stakes."

Giles: "------"

Joyce: "Me? Slaying vampires? No, I meant fixing a steak, not sharpening a stake, hehehe."

Giles: "-------"

Joyce: "Buffy? Something happened to Buffy?"

Giles: "--------------"

Joyce: "What do you mean? Keep calm, it's my child."

Giles: "--------------------------- --------------- ------"

Joyce: "Ooo well I see, actually I don't see. Why do you think being forced to watch Pokémon movie and the TV show for 48 hours nonstop can be dangerous to Buffy or how it can be an old Watcher ritual?"

Giles: "--------------"

Joyce: "So this Cruciamentum ritual you Watchers do to all Slayers, is to kidnap them, tie them up and force them to watch Pokémon nonstop?"

Giles: "-----------"

Joyce: "Okay, next time I would like to come and watch. I always liked anime, but what did you mean Buffy seems to be a bit crazy?"

Giles: "---------------"

Joyce: "So you are saying she captured Angel, trained him to do tricks and sold him to a circus. I still don't see what so bad about that."

Giles: "-------"

Joyce: "You are right. I didn't think about that, she will be extremely sad when she regains her mental stability again. Did she at least get good price for Angel?"

Giles: "--------"

Joyce: "I am impressed. If she continues with this she might actually have an honest work in the future."

Giles: "-----"

Joyce: "Well you naughty boy you, as long as you have the candy I have the whip. Well goodnight to you to Giles."



Joyce looked out of the window and quickly removed the stake and knife and put them in her pocket.


The door flew open and Dawn came storming inside, with a happy smile on her face.

"Mom it followed me home. May I keep him?" asked Dawn while she unlashed a cuteness attack on Joyce.

"I don't know Dawn. An Abyss is an endless pit of darkness and evil or chaos and we don't know if he is house broken," Joyce said with a firm voice, while on the inside she was thinking, *This is the Hellmouth, expect the unexpected. Giles in leather mmmmmmm*

Dawn said with a pleading voice, "But Mom, look how cute he is and you let Buffy keep Angel and Willow has a werewolf."

"If they jump off a cliff would you jump after? But he does look cute for a pit of darkness," Joyce had to agree.

"Yeah and look how sweet he looks while eating the garbage," Dawn added.

Abyss, "Graaoooooooooo" = Tastes like a virgin, translated from Soundofvacum, language of the Abyss.

Joyce nodded, "Well you are right, he is cute. Ok you can keep him, but be extra nice to Buffy she might be a bit sad after selling Angel."

Dawn looked like a question mark "??? Selling Angel ???"

Boom, the door closed.

Buffy yelled, "Mom, look he followed me home, can I keep him?"

"Hi luv," Spike said.

"Hi, who is that?" Dawn asked

Joyce moaned in annoyance, "Buffy, not another vampire. I hoped that you would try to find a nice werewolf like Willow or a cute demon, maybe a slime demon like that girl in my self-improvement class."

"But Mom, he followed me home and I am the chosen Vampire Trainer, extra ordinate, got to catch them all."

Dawn looked confused, "Trainer? I'm sure it was SLAYER not trainer besides you don't have a license as a trainer."

Joyce dragged Dawn to the side and explained the 48 hours of Pokemon Buffy had suffered through.

Dawn complained, "That's so unfair. When I am kidnapped they only look me up in a cellar or drag me up in a tower. I got to meet better kidnapers in the future."

Dawn's eyes slowly lost focus as she dreamed of a Pirate Xander kidnapping her and binds her up XXXXXXXXXX and XXXXXX more of XXXXXXXXXX

Spike asked, "Trainer, do you use whip? If not can you please?"

Joyce signed, "Well Buffy seeing that Dawn has a nice cute Abyss, you may keep Spike, but don't forget to let him out for a walk, feed him and see that he doesn't piss on the floor."

Buffy turned to Spike and said, "OK Mom. Come Spike want to play fetch the ball?"

Annoyed Spike said, "I'm not a bloody dog, you know and I can use the bloody toilet. Oho play fetch the ball. I shove your ball so far up your ass that you spit it out when you sneeze."

Buffy took up a small red ball from her pocket and threw it towards Spike's feet where it suddenly opened up and Spike disappeared in a sparkle of light. On the floor the ball glowed a bit and jumped around by itself and then it calmed down and laid still. Buffy picked it up and put it in her pocket.

Confused Joyce asked, "Buffy, Honey is that ball what I think it is and where did you get it?"

Buffy answered her mother, "It's a Demonball, and Giles didn't have any, so I asked Andrew, the local crazy genius to build me some."

Dawn asked her sister, "Buffy, doesn't the Vampire get angry in the ball?"

Buffy shook her head, "No, they come fully equipped with a behavior modification treatment."

Joyce was still confused and asked, "Modifier what? Are you talking about brainwashing?"

Buffy replied, "Mom, don't be stupid, vampires and demons don't have a soul and therefore they don't have a brain."

Dawn whispered, "Obviously neither has the Slayer."

Buffy growled, "I heard that butt-pain."

Joyce yelled, "DAWN, BUFFY behave."

Abyss added to the chaos, "Groo groo groo," which could be translated to ‘More fun than reading about Groo the barbarian.'

The girls of the Summers house all said at the same time, "Oho the Abyss looks so cute."


At the same time in the Harris cellar a dark sinister plot is being created by a master manipulator.

"So according to you, Whistler, a Pet is the sure way to get a girlfriend?" Xander asked the balance demon.

Whistler looked hurt as he replied, "Have I ever lie to you, Xan?"

Xander shook his head, "No, you were right about the clothing, it does make me look good."

Whistler snickered and said, "Exactly ask a balance demon about fashion and you get the best. Besides according to this ‘Playboy' a pet of any kind is a chick magnet."

Xander shrugged, "Well, where do we find one?"

Whistler answered Xander, "I don't know about you, Xander, but I am driving to LA and try a pet store. Besides you already have a tame and talking zombie head under your bed."

"Hrmm, that's not exactly my pet. It's more like a cheap alternative to an answering machine," Xander said to that.

"You can try calling forward a fear demon. They are only a foot long and I hear they are good pets, if you manage to survive the fear they give you," Whistler said after he thought about a solution for a bit.

Xander shook his head "No go. There are already fanfiction's with tame fear demons."

Whistler said in agreement, "You are right and to plagiate it makes no one glad, but you can always try the Hellmouth. They are filled with deadly beastys."

Xander smiled, "I think I do that and maybe I ask Andrew for help."
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