: Dawn's Belgian TuesdayAuthor
: Buffy the Vampire Slayer belongs to Joss, et al. Highlander belongs to Davis/Panzer, et al.Feedback
: Is like a Chakram of the War Lordess Xena.Fandom
: Buffy the Vampire Slayer/HighlanderIn Canon
: Post-Series (Both)Characters/Pairings
: Dawn Summers/Methos Word Count
: ~875Author's Note #1
: So, everyone always decides Methos was the Immortal, but I decided to completely ignore the logic of that and just play with the concept of The Immortal. Because Duncan is way more Buffy's type.Author's Note #2
: The summary ad title reference Buffy's line about Dawn being kidnapped, must be Tuesday and
"If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium", a cliche in the area of McTourism, with strict schedules and such.Summary
: Dawn's in Belgium. Must be Tuesday.
Dawn glared at her kidnapper for the tenth time in half as many minutes. She was wet, cold and bound by the itchiest rope she had ever been tied with. And she was a girl who had some experience with rope.
Adding insult to injury, however, was that on this particular occasion, her nose itched. For what was possibly the hundredth time, she tried to explain to her captor, "J'suis l'American."
The man failed to even spare her a glance.
"Ich bin eine Amerikaner," she tried. When he did not react, she sighed and gave up. Her French was bad, her German was awful and she knew far less about Belgium than anywhere else she had ever been. Including the dimension of Cartaga, ruled over by an anthropomorphic prawn named Burl.
Finally, a door opened and a well-dressed man strode in.
She lit up again. "J'suis l'American!" she yelped at him.
The man seemed disinterested in her citisenship.
"Do you speak English?" she asked, thinking (not for the first time) that she should have bothered to learn a living language or two.
"Of course," answered the man in a clipped accent she failed to identify. "I am Paul Kragen."
Hmm, thought Dawn. That did not sound
overtly evil, like Angelus or Anyanka or Kennedy. Of course, neither did Harmony Kendall, William Pratt or Darla. So, she figured, it was not such a good way to gauge the situation.
"You are the lover of the famed and fabled Immortal!" he announced triumphantly.
Dawn blinked in his face, which seemed to bother Paul Kragen a great deal.
"Uhm..." She looked up slightly, and then down, and then burst into unappealing guffaws.
"I demand to know what is so comical," demanded Paul Kragen.
When she did not answer, he commanded, "Why do you engage in such hearty laughter? I command you to answer me!"
Dawn shook her head, willing down her uproarious outburst. "I just," she choked out. "No. Not ever." She shook her head. "He boned my sister, like, twice and then," she started before running off into another fit of giggles. "She decided he was too needy." She sobered slightly, willfully. "Which, like, take a mo to marvel at someone being too needy for Buffy."
Paul Kragen stared at her in unhidden confusion.
"Duncan was a total chick. I mean, he made Angel look like a well adjusted individual."
"Angelus, plus soul," she offered. "Total broody, whiny buttface. Duncan or, sorry," she went on, a smirk pulling at her lips. "The Immortal
? Way higher in the maintenance."
"Oh." Paul Kragen looked contemplative. "Well, I suppose..."
"You should totes let me go." She nodded. "Duncan doesn't have much interest in my well-being at all," Dawn added. "He doesn't even remember my name."
Paul Kragen considered her seriously. "Well, then, I have no need to keep you in such pristine condition." He turned to the henchman who had ignored Dawn entirely. "Peck, see what price you can get for her."
Shit, thought Dawn. This was a very good reason to never, ever associate with the Immortal Most Wanted.
"One thing you don't know about me, Mr Kragen," she started, stalling for time as she fidgeted. "Is that I am far more valuable than what my body could get for you."
He looked as though he did not believe her in the slightest.
"I am actually the embodiment of an artifact."
When he said nothing, she continued, "I am the Chakram of the War Lord...ess Xena."
Paul Kragen looked confused.
"I see you know of my greatness," she said with an amount of certainty she did not feel.
"I know of the television show which you have tried, unsuccessfully, to reference as actual events."
Dawn nodded. "Figures. But, on the bright side, there is something you don't know."
"And what would that be?" he asked, looking straight down his nose.
She held up her hands. "I get tied up. A lot." She thrust a foot out at his knee. Leaning back on her hands quickly, she hit the other foot to his scrotum and launched herself onto her feet. She made a mental note to thank Xander for making her watch classic Shawn Michaels matches.
On her feet then, she rammed the heel of her hand into his nose and watched as his hands moved from his crotch to his gushing nose.
"So," she started, staring at him as menacingly as she was able. "My sister is a Slayer, I've lived with a bunch of Slayers, one of my best friends is a witch and I'm a power older and more dangerous than the world itself...do I really need to tell you the smart choice to make here?"
"He just let you go?" Adam Pierson asked.
Dawn smiled secretly. "Just like that. I'm telling you, though, no weirdos for me." She nodded seriously. "Unlike Buffy, I plan to keep all of my boyfriends strictly in the normal guy category."
Adam wrapped an arm around her shoulder as she settled against him, hitting 'play' on the remote. As the opening title of Blazing Saddles
sounded, he took a pull off his beer.
Dawn snuggled up to her boyfriend. This was the life; normality and averageness were just the things.