Attack of The Slayers
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Stargate or Star Wars.
Author's Note: I didn't originally plan to write a sequel to 'Duel of the Fates,' but various reviewers encouraged me with enough good ideas that such a thing became inevitable, so here it is. This story will probably have 5-7 chapters, each around 2000 words long, and will alternate between BTVS and Stargate centric chapters. Hopefully, I'll be able to post one a week, although this is story is not my primary focus right now. Please let me know what you think of the first installment once you've finished it. Chapter One Fairly recently, in a state capital near you... It is a time of unrest within the American Republic. After Andrew Wells laid waste to much of downtown Denver, before being stopped by Teal'c and Jack O'Neill, Earth's defenders at Cheyenne Mountain's radar telemetry facility were forced to both try and explain to the American President and Congress just what they saw on the news that day and where Teal'c got himself a lightsaber. At the same time, the secretive Watcher's Council, led by the mysterious Buffy Summers, has gathered in Cleveland, Ohio in order to discuss these recent events. However, in the darkness, oh, who am I kidding? Nothing's hanging around in the darkness except for the usual assortment of vampires, demons and false Gods. Are you still reading this? We're done here. Get on with the story.
“Right. So let me see if I've got this straight,” Buffy declared, looking around the table at the Watcher's Council's North American headquarters in Cleveland.
“You and Andrew,” she pointed at Xander, “were at some sort of geek convention-”
“Ah, actually it was a Star Wars convention, Buff,” Xander interrupted his longtime friend.
“Sure, sure, whatever,” Buffy replied breezily, waving away such trifling distinctions.
“So, anyways, at this geek convention, you met these two other geeks-”
Buffy was interrupted again, as Willow piped up this time.
“Actually, Buffy, both Murray and Jack O'Neill are supposed to be part of the American military.”
Buffy Summers adopted an extremely skeptical expression in response to this claim, raising her left eyebrow in order to make her disbelief clear to everyone.
“Sure they are. What was it you said their unit did again, Wills? TV repair?”
Giles cut in at this point, rubbing his glasses with a handkerchief.
“Actually, the records Willow accessed show that they're involved in radar telemetry, not that I have even the foggiest idea what that might be.”
“Right. Anyway, so you and Andrew,” she glanced pointedly at Xander, “were getting shown up by the big, tough, tv repair guys, so you decided to unleash an army of demons on Denver, Colorado.”
“Hey, that was so not my fault,” Xander replied, holding up his arms defensively. “Andrew unleashed those crazy flying monkey things all on his own. I had nothing to do with it.”
“Sure you didn't, Xander. Anyway, after that, you left the tv repair guys to fight the demons, while you decided to skip town.”
“No way! I fought those things for practically a whole day. Then I figured that maybe I should, you know, do a tactical withdrawal before anyone remembered that I had been with Andrew before he unleashed those demons on the city.”
Dawn began humming an old Monty Python tune.
“Brave Sir Xander ran away.”
“Hey! That's not how it was!”
“Bravely ran away away.”
“I didn't! I fought those demons for nearly an entire day!”
“When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.”
“That's enough,” Xander finally shouted, placing a hand over Dawn's mouth to stop her singing.
“When did you watch Monty Python anyway?”
“Fighting off his restraining hand after a moment, Dawn replied, rolling her eyes, “Well, I needed to do something while Buffy was making out with her latest older than dirt boyfriend.”
“Hey,” Buffy responded poutily. “I don't make fun of your boyfriends.”
“You so do,” the teenager replied saucily. “Remember what you said about Arthur?”
“He was a troll in disguise!”
“You didn't know that at the time, though, and you still said he smelt funny.”
“He smelt funny because he was a troll!”
“I never noticed anything.”
“That's because he had you under a spell, Dawn. Remember, he cast that love spell on you, so that you would be his virgin sacrifice to the troll queen.”
“Right, but that's all stuff that happened after! You didn't know any of that when you started making fun of him.”
The two Summers sisters glared at each other.
“Hey guys,” Willow interrupted the staring contest, trying to calm things down. “Let's try to get back on topic. We were talking about saving Andrew.”
The rest of the table stared at Willow as if she was insane.
The table simply continued to stare.
“Oh, come on guys. I know Andrew can be a bit, okay maybe extremely annoying, but there's no way we can just leave him to whatever horrible things those radar telemetry guys are planning, right?”
The silent staring continued, as Willow began to look more uncertain.
“I mean, Andrew's a valua- well maybe not. He's an import- no, not that either. Well, he's someone we care abo-” she looked around the table, “or maybe not. Okay! But none of that matters. Andrew's a Scooby! Sort of. In some sense. Maybe honorarily. I mean, we can't just abandon someone who's kind of distantly related to us like that, right guys?”
Willow deployed her resolve face, only slightly weakened due to her not really caring about Andrew either. It was more the principle of the thing. Even so, against her friends, who weren't really that bothered by the idea of going after the US military's geek squad anyway, the potent expression still proved more than sufficient.
“Okay, fine,” Buffy gave in, sighing dramatically. “So we're sending some slayers after the tv repair guys. Xander, do you know anything about them?”
Xander mulled over the little he had learned while fighting alongside two members of the radar telemetry unit, and then shrugged.
“Not really. They both looked pretty tough to me, but I figure a slayer'd still make mince meat out of them. Oh, and I guess you saw the footage on tv, so you probably know about Murray's lightsaber.”
“His what?” Buffy replied, nonplussed.
“His lightsaber. You know, his laser sword thing.”
“Buffy, you did see him on the news, didn't you? I mean, this was like the top story for an entire week.”
Buffy simply looked a bit embarrassed at having been caught out.
“Okay. No problem, Buff. Willow taped some of the highlights, so you can watch.”
Walking over to a nearby tv, Xander placed Willow's highlight reel into the VCR and pressed play.
Seconds later, Buffy was mesmerized. That black guy, Murray or whoever he was, had an actual laser sword. That was so cool. Sure, she'd take her scythe over that thing in a second, but sometimes a girl needed a back-up weapon, and laser swords trumped troll hammers any day of the week. She wanted one.
“Where can I get one?” Buffy asked, practically salivating as her eyes remained glued to the screen.
“Huh?” Xander replied. “You mean a lightsaber? Well, nowhere. I mean, Andrew had one, but Murray destroyed it, so I guess Murray probably has the only one in the world.”
“I want one.”
“Buffy,” Willow cut in. “You can't just steal Murray's lightsaber.”
“Why not? We're already breaking into a military base. How much worse will it be if we add grand larceny to the rap sheet?”
Buffy had a point, although none of them really wanted to admit it. Fortunately, Giles had another tack they could pursue in order to dissuade the slayer.
“Well, Buffy, obviously you cannot go yourself. You simply have too many responsibilities to the newly awakened slayers at present.”
Buffy waved her right hand dismissively.
“Faith can take care of that stuff while I'm gone. Or even better, we could just dump everything on some of the slayers who've been with us since Sunnydale for a couple of days while we're gone. Hasn't Kennedy been saying she wanted more responsibilities? So now she can have some, and Vi and Rona can stick around to make sure she doesn't kill any of the newbies.”
“Buffy, you cannot simply abandon your responsibilities whenever it suits you. The Watcher's Council needs-”
“Giles,” Buffy interrupted her mentor, expression serious. “This isn't just about me. Think about how much good that sword could do in the right hands. We need that thing for dusting vampires. What good is it doing with those tv repair guys, anyway? What are they using it for? Carving up tv antennae?”
“Buffy,” Giles replied, not buying Buffy's explanation in the slightest. “I'm not sure you really understand what this mission is about. Our goal is to rescue Andrew.”
“Hey. I can do that too. Isn't multitasking like an important slayer skill anyways. Giles, seriously, I can do this.”
The watcher merely rubbed his brow in exasperation. There was no stopping Buffy when she was in this sort of mood.
“Fine. You may go, but I'll not have you captured by the military, so make sure you take enough personnel to ensure your success.”
“Yes!” Buffy cheered, jumping out of her seat and punching the air. “No problem, Giles. I'll just grab Faith, Willow, Xander and a bunch of the minis, and then we'll go to town on these tv repair guys. It'll be no sweat.”
“What about me?”
“You're not coming, Dawn.”
“Um... well... school! We're going in two days, and that's a weekday, so you'll have school!”
Dawn glared at her older sister.
“We could so go tomorrow instead, or I could miss school. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time.”
“Dawn, you know the rules.”
“Yeah, I know, I know. No missing school except for apocalypses.”
“Right. Mom would never forgive me if you turned into some kind of delinquent.”
“You mean like you?”
“Hey, I wasn't a delinquent. I was more like a super hero or something.”
Dawn rolled her eyes.
“Anyway,” Buffy continued, ignoring her sister's grumbling. “I guess now we just need a plan. I mean, it's a military base, so we probably can't just walk up to the front door and knock.” Two Days Later
“Buffy, I just want to say, one more time for the record, that this is a horrible plan.”
Buffy scowled at Xander, glancing back at the young girls she was leading who had been dressed up in Girl Scout uniforms.
“Well, I didn't hear any better ideas from you, Xander. Besides, what's so bad about this plan?”
Xander raised an eyebrow.
“Are you kidding me, Buffy? Any plan would be better than this plan. No one's going to believe that we're a Girl Scout troop which got lost and is looking for directions back to Colorado Springs. Even Faith's stripper plan would have been better than this!”
“Faith's stripper plan!?! Xander, some of these girls are twelve. Even Faith wasn't serious about the stripper plan.”
Xander sighed gustily.
“Buff, just so you know, if I die due to your terrible planning skills, I will come back and haunt you. I swear it.”
“Don't be so melodramatic, Xander. Anyway, look up ahead,” Buffy directed, pointing towards a large, heavily defended gate just a few hundred metres up the road. “We're almost there, so try to look like a responsible Girl Scout leader, okay? We need to at least talk the guards out of their little hut thing, so the girls can lay the smack down on them.”
Xander's shoulders slumped, before he forced himself to straighten and tried to look like a responsible, one-eyed pirate. He could already tell that this could not possibly end well.