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The proper way to handle a house full of slayers

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Summary: Chapter 1:Tony Stark learns two things. 1. NOT talk to Steve Rogers on the phone when in a certain house in Cleveland and 2. Sometimes charm isn't the answer. Chapter 2: Harold the intern learns that sometimes it's best to keep your fool mouth shut.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Marvel Universe > AvengersrandomguyFR1521,1532388,56328 Apr 128 Sep 12Yes

Chapter One

Author's note: Warning, honestly not sure how funny this is. It's another plot bunny born from male stupidity and maybe a bit offensive to women.

Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS or any of the Marvel Characters, doing this strictly for the extermination of plot bunnies

Crossover: Avengers (For those who don't know Steve Rogers = Captain America)

Note: Edited to fix grammar and threaten the British Government, cause we just don't do that enough in the fics around here.


"Steve I don't know what to tell you, if the girls are sick they are sick, they are teenage girls, superhuman demon fighting teenage girls, but still teenage girls, they get sick." Tony and Happy Hogan walked into the Cleveland slayer house to see most of the girls lying around the living room obviously not feeling good.

"They're not sick Tony, it's just that time of the month! They need to stop using that as an excuse and buck up and fight! this is an apocalypse and America is in danger." Steve Rogers had slipped into PR speech mode and his voice carried away from the phone.

"Steve," Tony said slowly, "they can hear you", looking around Happy, Tony saw the slayers turn to glare at him.

"GOOD," Steve started with the speed spiel again, "They need to hear this, AMERICA IS IN DANGER AND THEY NE-"

"STEVE" Tony interrupted, "they are going to rip my body parts off!" Before Steve could respond Happy reached from behind Tony and grabbed the phone and hung up.

'When did Happy get behind me????' Tony thought and then he saw why, Buffy was slowly walking towards him. Normally Buffy walking was an enjoyable thing to see, however now all it produced was fear. Tony tried to back up but couldn't as Happy was holding him in front of him. "Happy what are you doing?" he whispered.

"Using you as a human shield boss."

"It's not that time of the month, it's just a spell that makes all slayers feel like crap." Buffy growled out.

"Well Buffy-" Tony started to use his charm.

"Shut up Boss!," Happy interrupted, "Buffy will chocolate help?"

Buffy looked wary, "Yea"

"Well you hold the boss as insurance, I'll get the chocolate outta the car and then we can talk about anything else you need."

"HAPPY!!!, what do you mean 'hold the boss as insurance'!, WAIT, why do you have enough chocolate for thirty girls in the car?" Tony was perplexed.

"Boss we came to a house full of super strong teenage girls, of course I brought chocolate." Happy rolled his eyes and muttered "big brain, teeny tiny common sense."

Buffy was laughing, "he's cute, first time I've laughed today."

"Wait a minute, Happy is not the cute one, I'm the cute one," Tony gave Buffy his lady killer look (patent pending).

Which just made Buffy laugh harder and one of the other slayers commented as Happy walked in with a big box, "He has chocolate he's the cute one."

Happy handed Tony the box, "Hand out the chocolate boss, so sayeth the cute one. Ok, Buffy what else do you need?" He asked as he led her back into the kitchen.

"Well I won't be able to pay you back till Xander gets paid tonight."

"Wait, you're running this house to defending the hellmouth on what Xander brings home."

Clearly uncomfortable Buffy replied, "Well Giles is having problems freeing up the old council's funds...."

Tony walked up, "Happy, is this a problem I can solve by throwing money at it?"

"Yea boss it is."

"Good, I love those problems, commence throwing, buy out a grocery store, order lots of Pizza, call Ben and Jerry and have them open a factory next door whatever it takes." Tony opened his phone and called his company president, "Hi Pepper, yea, I need you to contact a Mr Giles, number is on my contact list under boogieman. Yea, offer him our legal department to help with some money problem he has, we may need to threaten the British Government so use the body armor they want as leverage. Also Happy's gonna be making a bunch of charges on the cards please don't block them like you did that Victoria Secret order I had him make for the Tropicana Tan bikini team."
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