Large PrintHandheldAudioRating
Twisting The Hellmouth Crossing Over Awards - Results
Rules for Challenges

Wrong Way 02

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking

This story is No. 3 in the series "2012 Fic-a-Day Challenge". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Follow up to Wrong Way. Jack has to find out about – ugh – magic.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > General > Theme: HumorMissEFR1511,1880154,8914 Aug 124 Aug 12Yes
Disclaimer: Don’t own or claim rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Stargate SG1

Author's notes(if any): I wrote this as something of a challenge: it’s dialogue only. No labels to say who says what, to whom, or how. Hopefully I’ve written it clearly enough so you can pick it out what’s going on. And hopefully I’ve managed to squeeze into Day 3.


“Sir, we really need to -”


“But we have to -”


“I think what Sam’s trying to say -”

“Nah uh.”

“Will not GeneralHammond wish to know of this event?”

“What he don’t know won’t hurt me.”

“Uh, a) that isn’t how it goes, and b) you know it’s going to bite you in the butt if you don’t tell him.”



“Besides, how can I ask them when I don’t even know where to look? Hah! Got you there.”

“Sam could search for them.”

“Right. I’m going to google ‘magic portals Dawn Xander Willow.’”

“Fine. I’ll go google ‘magic portals Dawn Xander Willow.’”


“So how’d it go?”


“Huh. And this is…?”

“‘Magic and the Formation of Stable Wormholes.’”

“Hell, Carter, when did this come out?”

“A few years ago, apparently.”

“Oh. And?”

“But, magic, sir! And wormholes!”

“It’s just jargon, Sam. Maybe she was directing the article towards the more … scientifically-minded, uh, magic people.”

“Yes, I know how that sounds, but look at it this way: she’s describing a scientific phenomenon using mystical parameters. Isn’t that fascinating?”

“I do not believe MajorCarter appears fascinated.”

“Ya think?”

“Do you know what’s worse? She even speculates in the article about the amount of power it would take to do this by ‘mundane means!’”

“And for the normal people here?”

“Mundane means normal.”

“Ah. Oh. Hey!”

“It looks like Ms Rosenberg figured out what it would take to power the Gate with, you know, power. Uh, electricity. Do those figures look right, Sam?”

“I know you opened your mouth, and I know you said something, Carter, but I have no idea what it was.”

“I said, ‘pretty much.’”

“Hey! That means she’s pretty much as smart as you!”

“I do believe that was one of those looks one is glad cannot kill.”

“Yeah, that’d be it.”


“Hey, guys, do you remember that top secret military base you dropped into a couple of weeks ago?”

“Yeah, with the cranky old guy, and the cute book guy, and the blonde who was having a fit about magic?”

“Hey! No perving on cute book guys who are totally too old for you! Your sister will string me up by my favourite parts if she hears you’re doing anything like that.”

“Why would she string you up?”

“And again for the hearing-normalised?”

“He said Buffy told him to keep an eye on you. Or else.”

“Oh, she did, did she? Well, she better take that back, or I’ll tell Giles about that expense report from Milan.”

“Just so long as you tell her, not me. I may be all mojo-ed up – thanks again, Will – but your sister still scares me when she gets like that.”


“Yes, yes I am. So, to totally change the conversation: military guys.”

“Oh, right. Well, it looks like they found my ‘magic and wormholes’ paper, so I guess that means they’re looking for me. Us. Me and us?”

“Us. So does this mean we get to go and blow their tiny little brains?”

“I checked: the blonde is Major/Doctor Carter, who could be one of the top brains in astrophysics, if she was allowed to tell anyone, and the cute, geeky guy is Dr Jackson, with like a ton of PhD’s. Even the cranky old guy has a degree.”

“And the Oz-heavy guy?”

“Please: compared to him, Oz is Oz-light.”

“Point. Yeah, well, he was really hard to find, so I didn’t get anything on him from my quick check around. I could try -”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. So are we doing this, or are we doing the sensible thing and talking to Giles and the others, then doing this?”

“We could leave a message.”

“Do you know how long it takes for Giles to go through his voice-mails? And he mainly only does it because you help him. Why not send him an e-mail, or – better yet – a text.”

“No, we may want to be rescued at some point, or, you know, someone to actually know where we are.”

“Tell Faith?”

“She’d want to come with.”

“Tell Faith, and text Buffy. Then turn our cells off and go.”

“I like your mind!”

“I’d like other parts, but Mama does not like!”

“I thought we weren’t talking about that anymore.”

“Talking about what? What are you two talking about?”

“Don’t worry, it never happened.”

“Was it one of those Wish things?”

“Yeah. Let’s just say it was.”


“Call Faith now, and text Buffy as we’re leaving.”

“Okay, then.”


“So have we called them yet?”

“Sorry, sir, but it’s been a bit difficult finding contact details for Miss Rosenberg. I’ve found a company that she works for, or with, or owns – it wasn’t really clear – and I’ve found a Xander Harris and Dawn Summers with the same company, but, again, finding contact details for them short of calling the actual company is a little difficult.”

“So call the company.”

“I was going to do that soon, I just wanted to find some more direct method of contacting them.”

“Just a sec. Colonel O’Neill.”

“Mr Harris. You’re at the gate, you say? Yeah, sure, you bet ya. I’ll be right up.”

“They’re at the front gate.”




“Well, kids, let’s go … collect the witch and her minions.”

“I think ‘witch’ is a derogatory name, and she may not like you calling her that.”

“What about ‘minions’?”

“No, ‘minions’ is fine. That’s what they are, after all.”



“Magic-type person. Minions of magic-type person.”

“Theoretically-non-evil Air Force dude. Minions of theoretically-non-evil Air Force dude.”



“I’m sorry, but he’s really -”


“Do you think all mega-brains are like that?”

“All the ones I’ve met, anyway.”

“And you’ve met a lot?”

“Well, there’s Willow. Although Giles isn’t really like that, so maybe it’s the scientific/computer brainy types.”

“And Giles is…?”

“More your Dr Jackson, ‘dusty books are so cool’ type.”

“Ah. So we have matched pairs?”

“You even have an Oz-type.”

“Who, Murray?”

“Yeah, ‘cause that isn’t an alias. If he was something as simple as a Murray, then Willow would’ve been able to find him. Ergo: not a Murray. What?”

“You said ‘ergo’.”

“No need to Beavis and Butthead me for it. Kids these days!”

“She’s not that much younger than you.”

“Your point?”

“True. So. Now we need to go, sign some paperwork, and talk about things I really don’t want to know about just ‘cause someone couldn’t read a map right.”

“This looks like the beginning of a beautiful relationship.”


“Willow, something came up on that mobile phone you insisted on buying me. I need you to call me back to explain how to … do … whatever it is I need to do with the blasted thing. Thank you.”

The End

You have reached the end of "Wrong Way 02". This story is complete.

StoryReviewsStatisticsRelated StoriesTracking