Disclaimer: I own nothing. All Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters and Armour of God characters are the property of their original owners.
It was easy enough for the utterly silent pair of Slayers to escape anyone’s notice. Skulking through the shadows of the massive cavern they’d just been sent into by Willow’s book, Buffy and Chao-Ahn adroitly avoided the attention of a waiting mastermind and his army of robed minions. Instead, the young women joined these same baddies in watching an unknowing hero start to remove a mystical weapon and its accessories from a display stand. Carefully keeping their gazes on the nasty piece of work running the whole show, both Slayers quickly stuck their fingers in their ears when this villain drew, aimed, and fired a pistol.Bang!
Flinching away from the ricochet which had struck the side of the display stand to zip further away into the cavern, Jackie Chan, alias the Asian Hawk, whirled around. He warily stared into the cave’s darkness where this bullet had come from. Ignoring the five Armour of God pieces he’d just been about to steal back, this mercenary adventurer advanced, correctly figuring if whoever was out there had wanted him dead, this would’ve already happened. In a sudden flare of lights, the marital arts expert now saw who was waiting for him.
To be more precise, Jackie didn’t see Buffy and Chao-Ahn, and neither did anyone else. Taking advantage of the opportunity now presented to them, these Slayers again crept past any potential observers, who were themselves eagerly watching and listening to the defiant conversation between their leader and his latest adversary. It took mere moments for the two superhuman women to arrive at the display stand and its presumably supernatural contents. There, while being overlooked by everybody, Chao-Ahn and Buffy coolly purloined all five pieces of this centuries-old and immensely valuable set of arms.
Giving an approving swing of the large sword she was holding, Buffy felt a faint tingle in her fingers clasping the hilt, indicating there might actually be some truth to the rumor this weapon had magic laid upon it to help its wielder in battle against mystical evil. She silently grinned at Chao-Ahn holding open Willow’s book, getting in turn an equally gleeful smile from her game partner. The blonde woman then effortlessly inserted a blade nearly as long as she was tall into a six-inch book.
Closing the Red Witch’s tome now successfully containing their latest accomplished challenge, Chao-Ahn tilted her head at the noise of rising voices further on, sounding as if things were about to start in this specific part of the movie. The Chinese Slayer nodded at Buffy, who responded by willingly turning and making her way, followed by her companion, towards the closest place in the cavern where they could watch the coming excitement in complete privacy.
Indeed, the next few minutes were really entertaining for the pair of Jackie Chan fans. They thrilled to the real-life contest of the engaging Asian hero against four female killing machines, who were all dressed in clinging black leather outfits, tights, and high-heeled shoes. When the last of these unsuccessful assassins bit the dust, Buffy glanced over at Chao-Ahn’s beaming face. It was clear the other woman felt pure joy at finally seeing one of her most favorite movie characters in action. Buffy herself had to admit it’d been fun, but after watching Jackie now face off against his enemies by suddenly ripping open his shirt to produce a dynamite vest, she dryly whispered to her game partner, “Chao-Ahn, I’d take that guy on right away as a trainer for the baby Slayers, but not for anything else! He can’t keep his mind on the job!”
Ruefully wincing at seeing Jackie accidentally light a stick of dynamite and then begin his frantic efforts to extinguish this, Chao-Ahn got Willow’s book ready for them to go onto the next challenge, if they had time for this. Together giving one last amused glance at Jackie hurling the lit dynamite away and then finding out the rest of the fuses on his dangerous vest were ominously sputtering away, the Slayers disappeared from the cavern. This was lucky for them, since the exploding dynamite began the process of causing the entire room’s stone ceiling to collapse behind Jackie sprinting for safety. All without this hero ever bothering to realize he’d just lost under uncounted tons of rock the whole reason for his daring actions!
Author’s Note: Well, it’s true. After spending most of the film called Armour of God
trying to get his hands on this treasure, it ends with Jackie at the finale squandering his entire purpose of the last ninety-plus minutes! What’s even worse, because our hero talked the owner of three priceless pieces of the complete set of arms to use these valuables in exchange for a kidnapped friend (it’s complicated, okay?), now that those parts of the set were buried and/or destroyed due to his carelessness, Jackie’s on the hook for every penny!
It’s kind of like Luke Skywalker still managing to blow up the Death Star, only for the tremendous blast in outer space to also take out the planet he was supposed to be protecting besides…