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Summary: An overheard conversation in a small diner in a small town.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > Buffy-CenteredjakedamanFR1811,751042,82216 Oct 1216 Oct 12Yes
Disclaimer: Some are not mine. Some are. I'd like for you to decide which is which, but I'm required to list 'em. So, Buffy belongs to Joss and SG1 belongs to ... I can't remember but I do know it ain't me.

I live on reviews. They are like Schawarma to me.


"Hello. Do I know you?"


"Ok, can I help you?"

"Yes.... I'm in a 12 step program, of sorts."

"Ah, I see."

"You do?"

"Yeah, been there, done that, got the coffee mug."

"Tee-Hee! Yeah, coffee is of the good!"

"True. So young lady, What is your story."

"Wellll.... Mmmm, good coffee here. You've probably been told this before, but it's a unique story. It could change your world view."


"No, really!"

"Don't worry. I'll keep an open mind."


"Before you begin.... Nurse! Pot-O-Gold please!"

"Yes sir, be right there."

"Ok young lady. We are about to be fortified and...."

"Here is your coffee sir."

"Could you leave the mug please? Thank you."

"As I was saying.... my loins are girded. Please continue."


"Heh, heh."

"Ahh. Thank you. I needed that laugh."

"You're Welcome."

"So, to start.... Vampires, demons, and things that go bump in the night are real."

"You don't say. Leprechauns?"

"Not so much."


"A-hem. 'The world is older than you think' is the way the tweed set usually start it. To sum up in twenty words or less? Demons ruled the Earth. The Garden of Eden? Not what people think."

"Oh, when did the Garden happen then?"

"It's now actually. Compared to the way the world was before? After the demons and the fire and the brimstone, well, anything would seem like Eden. OH! The Island of Atlantis? That was actually aliens."


"Well, not really Aliens per say. They were the first evolution of man on this planet. They became pure energy as Mr. Spock would say and I have been hanging around Andrew waaaayyy too much!"

"Hmmm, you mean like in that Episode in the original series where the Organians became pure energy?"

"Channelling your inner geek?"

"He sneaks out now and then. Please, go on."

"So, these aliens, but not-aliens evolve to an energy state. Some are called Ancients and others are called The Powers That Be and then, to top off the trifecta, there are the Ori."


"Oooo. That was a stranger-danger growl. Very well done. I give it an 8 out of a 10."

"Heh. I'll have to work on that then."

"Oh no. It's not you, it's me."

"Are we breaking up already?"

"Silly! No!"


"You're cute when you blush."

"Uh, Thank you."

"Where was I? Oh. right. After the pure demons and old ones where kicked off or imprisoned, man, humankind, took over. Through hard work, perserverance, some magic, and A LOT of luck the world became as close to paradise as it could be. Humankind had even made it to the stars, and beyond (but thats a different story). For many millenia mankind knew peace. Advances in science and basic magic were made. Any battles fought were with either some demons or aliens trying to make with the world take-overage or end-age."

"Yeah, that sounds like a Garden of Eden alright, except for the battles. However, you said there were two evolutions of man and I presume we are the second, right?"

"Give the man a cigar, only smoking is bad for you, especially with the yellowing of the teeth."

"Um, ok."

"Hee-Hee. You're cute when you're confused too. Anyways, when the pure demons were kicked out, remeber?"


"Those last demons? They bit a human or dozen, mixing their blood and creating Vampires. Yes, Vampires. They are destroyed using the SSD..."


"Sun, stake, and decapitation."

"I see. No garlic, good to know. Ok."

"Now a days there are other types of Vampires but the original? The person dies and the soul leaves the body. The demon takes up residence but is a blank slate. The dead person's memories, persona, and quirks are absorbed by the demon. Make no mistake though, it IS a demon. There are rare instances where the Vampire is able to reclaim that person's soul or they can be 'cursed' with one as well. It doesn't happen very often though."

"What about the Vampire's that still have a soul?"

"Caught that didn't ya? Well, some enterprising Mage/Scientist was able to create a non-magic virus using Vampire blood. These Vampires don't live forever, they can actually have children. Aside from that, they also can be killed with the SSD. OH! They are a bit more immune to fire though. And anyone turned into their kind of Vampire can actually be cured of it like... anti-biotics for the fang-face set."

"Wow, it's like Baskin Robins."


"Ok, that was lame. I'm a little freaked, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!"

"Hee-hee, ha. Now that's funny."

"What about the myth of Vampires needing an invitation?"

"Good question. The soulless variety need an invite. The virus guys? Not so much, but they have a 'Nation' and have rules and vampire police."


"I know, right?"

"All right, some do, some don't. I'm removing my WELCOME mat ASAP."

"Good Idea."

"Now there was a bunch of men. Shamans, Wizards, and Mages, Oh my! They were such big and brave men too. The essence of an unknown demon was used to empower a champion of their choosing to fight the demons and monstors, called a Slayer. Wanna know who their Champion was? Huh? Wanna know?"

"Oh yes. Please to tell!"

"Ooh, a 8.5 on the snark-o-meter!"

"Thank you."

"It was a girl. A 15 year old girl."


"She lasted maybe four years."


"When she died another girl was 'called'. Sometimes younger, sometimes older. Very few Slayers made it to their twenty's."

"I have no words ... to describe the ... rage ... that I feel right now."

"I know. You'll like this next part though."

"Ok, deep breath .... please continue."

"There used to be only one. It passed on at death. So, what would happen if, say, a slayer drowned, was 'dead' for a couple of minutes and then was revived using CPR?"

"Ummm, hmmm, wait, don't tell me! I know this one!"

"Har, har! Very funny. Ok, there became a Chosen Two."

"A spare?"


"Ok, not of the funny. Here let me refresh your coffee."


"So, There are two Slayers, with a capitol 'S', running around out there keeping us all safe from the Boogey Man and Vampires. Some Vampires are Demon's-O-Cadavers while others are a virus. Magic must be real for all this to happen. Oh and lets not forget there's aliens. Also, beings evolved to pure energy making with the Good, the bad, and the neutral."

"I hear the Snark, with a capitol 'S', but you aren't running screaming for the hills. Why's that?"

"I'm not as young as I look. I've seen and done... things you may or may not believe. But what you've told me so far? Hindsight being 20/20 (and a royal bitch), a lot of things that didn't make sense do now."

"So, Wills was right. You are an old soul."


"Friend of mine. Big with the Mojo."

"All right. Which part of the story are we at? We've done the beginning. I'm pretty sure we've hit the middle, just not sure which part of the middle we're at...."

"We're about the middle of the middle, short stuff."

"Short stuff?"

"Aaaannnyway. It was the Chosen Two for a few years. Just recently, my friend with the Mojo was able to unlock the Potential of any woman whom was destined to be a Slayer. Now, there are a few thousand of us worldwide. We've marshaling our resources and bringing them together in a few select areas."

"Very good. I can hear the capitol letters from here. Sounds like a heck-uva job."

"Yep, but the dust has settled. We're pretty sure we've gotten everyone. Now though, not all Slayers are 'active duty' if they don't wanna be, ya see."

"Ohj? Why not?"

"They are all aware of the Night Life. Not all want to be on the front lines of the battle. Since we have such a surplus... well, they don't have to, ya know?"

"That begs the question though. Why did all the Potentials have to be unlocked? Was there a Big Bad of some kind?"

"Are you sure you weren't a Scooby in a previous life?"


"We were going up against something calling itself the 'First Evil'. It had an army of Turok Han Vampires that made the modern Vampires look like a warm, fuzzy kittens."

"Ouch. Nasty."

"Yeah, they didn't bathe much."

"Bet the halitosis was just as bad."

"Yep. So with the help of a en-souled Vampire wearing a special pendent we were able destroy the First Evil's army and close the Hellmouth."


"Oh sorry! Forgot to tell you about that. A Hellmouth is a Mystical point of Convergence, to use the Tweed-set words. Hmmm, you remember the episode where Spock wore a Goatee?"

"Mirror-Mirror. They used the theory of Alternate Universes as the Plot Device for their story line. Unfortunately it's been done to death since then. So, a Hellmouth... which sounds like there is more than one (and isn't THAT a happy thought!) is a 'Mystical' doohickey, like the Bermuda Triangle, whatever, to other Realities. Only I get the impression that their version of a cute fuzzy puppy has incisor's, scales, and beady little eyes with drool that will eat through linolium and the wood underneath, right?"

"Yeah, not with the happy, fun, time there. I still personally think the Tele-tubbies came from one of those realities."

"I know! right?"

"That also explains what has happened to some of my friends recently. Looks like I personally know a slayer or three."

"Yeah, we know."

"Yeah, we know that you know."

"And We know that you know that we know."

"All right! I concede the round!"

"Yay! I win!"

"Oh sure, rub it in."



"You know I enjoy making you blush too much to ever stop."

"So, Slayers. As in plural from all walks of life."


"Explains a rash of disappearances and service woman going AWOL."


"Looks like we're at the end of the middle and the beginning of the end."

"I concede the round to you, Mr. O'niell"

"Thank you. How can the SGC be of Assistance Ms. Summers?"

This plot bunny was running around in my head and bouncing off the walls. Now maybe I can get back to my other stories. Maybe? please? Bad Plot Bunny!

The End

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