Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.
Again... Major Spoilers for Iron Man III!
Thanks to Sparrow for some dialogue help.
And, yet again, thanks to Ithildin for the title.
Darcy stepped up to the small platform in front of the room and calmly placed a remote on top of the podium. She re-adjusted her glasses and gave a small nod to Clint, who was leaning against one of the side doors of the room.
"Thank you for joining me. I'm Darcy Lewis, head of SHIELD's science department. This briefing is required for all new agents. We have a short video to demonstrate why you shouldn't mess with a) Tony Stark, and b) any of my scientists."
"Why? Because they'll come crying to you and you'll set Agent Barton on us?" an agent in the middle of the room sneered with his arms crossed.
"And, your name?" Darcy asked with raised eyebrows.
The agent smirked in reply. "Conrad, Jeffrey Conrad."
"Well, Agent-in-Training Conrad, Agent Barton here isn't here as a deterrent or for protection." Ignoring Clint's snort, she continued. "Agent Barton is here because he likes watching this footage. The reason you are in this briefing is because if you mess with the scientists, they will, and I quote, 'screw your excretions up'. Now, pay attention, there may be a quiz."
Pressing a button on her remote, Darcy went to lean against the wall next to Clint. Ignoring his giant grin, she watched the faces of the agents-in-training.
"As we start this footage, please note, all these items can be purchased at any home improvement store," Darcy stated as they watched security footage of Tony Stark invading the Mandarin's compound wearing a hoodie and carrying a backpack.
"This bit?" Darcy said with a grin. "This is why a taser is my favorite weapon of all time." Leaning closer to Clint, she muttered, "Twenty bucks says Conrad washes out."
"No bet," Clint replied softly, his lips barely moving from the wide grin he had on his face as he watched the video.
A few moments later, the riveted agents watched as a blue glass ball bounced towards two guards. "This is my favorite part! Christmas decorations as mini-grenades!" Darcy exclaimed as the ball exploded.
As the footage ended, Darcy pushed herself away from the wall and back towards her podium. "I wanted you to note that all of Mr. Stark's pretty gadgets were created in a hotel room."
"There is no way Tony Stark could do anything like that. This was faked so we'd leave your precious geeks alone," Agent Conrad scoffed.
"Oh?" Darcy asked with raised eyebrows. "Then why is he currently right behind you? And, has been this whole time, staring down your neck. Without any of you noticing."
Tilting his head back, Conrad saw Tony Stark leering down at him.
"Boo!" Tony exclaimed.
Squealing like a girl, Conrad fell out of his chair and started to scoot backwards.
"Clint's right," Tony said as he glared down at the cowering agent in training. "No bet."