Blue Jeans – A Gummi Bear Story
Disclaimer: Do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or the Gummi Bears. The song my title comes from is Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey.
A/N: I was writing another story and I suddenly had a flash of inspiration to mention the Gummi Bears. After which, I felt like reading a Gummi Bear story. Alas, none were to be found on TTH. So I made one. I wouldn't normally release a story this shoddy, but I figured this was better than nothing and I hope to inspire others to write something better. A Gummi Bear Challenge
“Grammi Gummi! Grammi Gummi!” came the cries that accompanied human footsteps to the Gummi living room.
Grammi Gummi was no expert in humans. But she was pretty sure that the frantic call came from Princess Cala and not Cavin, who was male and had a slightly lower pitched voice. Having only two humans knowing where they lived made it much easier to guess. “Hello Princess. Is something wrong?” she asked.
“Is something wrong? Is something wrong? Look at me!” Princess Cala called.
“Oh, hi Cala!” Sunni Gummi came out of her room. “What's all the yelling about?”
“I was about to ask the same thing.” Gruffi Gummi entered in a huff, which was normal for him.
“Look at me!” Princess Cala ordered again.
The Gummis looked but no one could see any reason for the princess to be upset. “Ooo! You're not wearing your crown!” Zummi Gummi proudly observed.
Cala's shoulders slumped. “I never wear my crown outside the castle. It's too dangerous, you know that. No, look at my clothes.”
“Oh! They're blue!” Grammi Gummi observed at last. “There's nothing wrong with blue though, deary. It happens to be my favorite color!”
“Not the color. They style. I'm wearing boy's clothes!”
The Gummi Bears were silent for a bit as they looked from her and then to each other.
“What's the difference?” Cubbi Gummi finally spoke up.
“Well- well, they're boy's
clothes for starters.” Princess Cala huffed.
“Do you know the boy that you took them from?” Grammi tried. “Is he upset in some way?”
“No! That's just it. They're my
clothes, but they changed into boy's clothes when I put them on!” Cala cried.
“Couldn't you just, you know, buy some more clothes?” Sunni suggested.
Cala sniffed. “Father had a dress made for me just this morning.”
“Well, why aren't you wearing that?” Sunni asked.
“I am.” Cala said. “It changed on me by magic.”
The Gummis looked horrified. Magic meant Lady Bane, who was a much worse human than Duke Igthorn ever was.
“And no,” Cala went on, “it wasn't Lady Bane. The guards checked her cell and found her dressed in men's clothing and ranting about catching the witch who did this. And on my way here, every woman in the land was dressed in trousers.”
“Another witch?” Gruffi sagged. They'd only just barely beaten Lady Bane. He didn't think the Gummis were capable of beating another witch. And he wasn't to let them try. Not when said witch hadn't attacked them
“It's okay, deary.” Grammi was hugging and patting the Princess. “We'll find who did this and stop them.”
“We most certainly will not!” Gruffi spoke up.
“Gruffi! How can you say that?” Sunni whined.
“Easy. N-O. No. Anyone who can out witch Lady Bane is not
someone I'm interested in going up against.” he countered.
“You have to!” Princess Cala begged. “If you don't, they're going to release Lady Bane to find and put a stop to this!”
“They- they- they'll release Badey Lane? I mean, they'll release Lady Bane? Oh dear.” Zummi cringed at the thought. “Gru- Gruf- Gruffi, I don't think we have much of a choice. If they release Lady Bane...” he left unsaid what might happen to them.
Gruffi sighed. “You'll have to delay them setting her loose. How much time can you buy us?”
“I can have one of the nobles accuse her of casting the spell. It's pretty obvious it wasn't her, but it should tie things up for a couple days.” the Princess thought. Looking much more princess like and much less like a scared, little girl.
“You do that then we'll see what we can do.” Gruffi nodded for her to go while the Gummis thought and planned.
There was a new cabin in the Gummi Bear's forest. And even though it wasn't a sure thing that it belonged to the new witch, it looked completely out of place where it was. None of the Gummis could fathom how it had been built. All the Gummis and Princess Cala watched the house and the strange woman who appeared to live there.
They huddled in conference behind some bushes.
“I say we come back tonight and bounce her out of the forest.” Gruffi said.
“Are you sure we have to?” Tummi asked. “I mean, she looks nice.”
“Tummi's right. How can we even be sure she's the witch?” Grammi Gummi asked.
“Well- well- well I suppose I could find a pell we could spuse. I- I mean, a spell we can use to make sure she really is a witch.” Zummi said.
“Why can't we just ask if she's a witch and see if she'll lift the spell?” Sunni asked naïvely. “I mean, I know Cala's upset, but this isn't exactly like someone trying to steal all the gummi berries. That lady was wearing trousers too but she didn't seem that upset about it. Maybe it's just some spell she brought with her by accident?”
“And give up the element of surprise?” Gruffi asked astounded.
“If I have to cast a spell to see if she's a witch and she is, she's going to know about it.” Zummi said. “Sunni might have the right idea. Ask her first and see if we can find the magic causing this.”
Gruffi crossed his arms. “Fine. But who's going to ask her?”
Sunni kicked a stone as she walked. “Just because it's my plan, I have to be the one to ask her.” she said with trepidation. It had seemed like such a good idea until she was the one walking up to the door of the supposed witch. She knocked softly. “Oh well, guess nobody's home.” and turned to leave.
Then the door opened. “Yes?”
“Um...” Sunni stammered. “I'm-really-sorry-to-disturb-you,-but-you-wouldn't-happen-to-be-a-witch-or-know-why-every-girl's-clothes-turned-to-boy-clothes-would-you?” Sunni let out in a rush.
The woman looked dumbfounded for a moment. “A talking bear. Interesting. And I think you just broke my record for babbling speed if not for longest babble ever.” she gave Sunni a kind smile. “And yes, I am the witch who turned all the clothing in this kingdom into male clothing.”
Sunni promptly fainted.
“Gummis Attack!” Gruffi called as soon as he saw Sunni fall. He hadn't seen what the witch had done to Sunni, but it must have been magic. He bounced into action.
The red-headed witch looked up at the battle cry and gave a small chuckle. She waved her arm slightly. Gruffi had only a moment to wonder what she'd done before he bounced off air as solid as any wall he'd ever hit.
Grammi was the first one up. “Listen, missy. If you touch one hair on her head-”
“I never touched her. She just fainted when I admitted to casting a spell on the clothing around here.” the witch said.
“You give her back this instant!” Cubbi demanded.
A smile played on the witch's mouth, she was clearly underestimating them. “Tell you what. You agree not to attack me any more and you're free to take her.”
Grammi Gummi nodded. The witch did another hand wave then nodded at Grammi who marched forward and bounced Sunni back to the group.
“Would you like some tea?” the witch asked civilly. “I have some snacks if you're interested too. Then we can talk about this spell and why talking bears are trying to stop a spell that clearly didn't affect them.”
“We're not talking bears. We're Gummi Bears!” Cubbi said proudly.
“And I am Princess Cala. Princess of Dunwyn.” The Princess stepped forward in her new outfit.
Willow only just barely stopped herself from saying something like “like the Gummy Bear snacks?” That probably wouldn't have gone over well. She remembered how upset she was when she'd heard about some demons eating 'human treats' even though in the end, they hadn't turned out to be made of humans at all. She magicked up a table with six Gummi-sized chairs and one human sized on one side but she made the tea and put the cookies on the tray and carried them out the old-fashioned way. While she was setting up, the little yellow bear woke up and confirmed that she had fainted. Willow poured eight cups of tea and passed them around. The bears looked at it warily so she took the first sip. Then there were introductions all around.
“Perhaps it would help if I explained why I cast the spell in the first place, that would clear things up.” Willow offered.
There were nods around at that idea.
“I haven't been in this... area long. But I'm here now and more or less settling in. When a little bird told me that the king was contemplating a new law banning women from wearing trousers.” It actually was literally a small bird she had be-spelled to tell her about news around the land. She also didn't mention that she was here from a completely different dimension. Most people did not handle news like that well.
“What's wrong with that?” Princess Cala asked. “What woman would want
to wear clothing such as this? It's unnatural.”
Willow sighed. “There's nothing natural or unnatural about women wearing dresses. A couple thousand years ago, men and women all wore what you would call dresses. Then people – or men – started riding horses and trousers were invented. Now I don't care if you never want to wear trousers again after the spell wears off, but I've seen what happens when there's legislation over what women can and can't wear and it's never good for the women.”
“When- when- when the spell wears off?” asked Zummi hopefully. The strength of the magic the woman had used without a word worried him. He really hoped they could come to a peaceful solution.
Willow nodded. “Yes, the spell will last 30 days. After that, things go back to the way they were. Unless... that horrible legislation gets passed. Then I make the spell permanent. Tell your father that, princess.”
Princess Cala stood up, incensed. “My father does not bow to blackmail, witch!”
“This isn't blackmail. If he chooses to pass stupid laws, then I will cast spells to negate them.” Willow said calmly. “Tell me princess, did you walk so far from the castle or did you ride? Was it better riding a horse wearing trousers that it was wearing dresses?”
“That has nothing to do with it! I am able to wear trousers when I wish-”
“And that! Is exactly what I'm trying to preserve. For all women in the kingdom, not just the princesses.” Willow smirked.
“Well then, the spell will end soon enough on its own. That's good enough for me.” Zummi said as he stood up.
“What?” Princess Cala was nearly in tears by this point.
“It's never a good idea to mix magics unless in dire emergency.” Zummi patted her arm since he couldn't reach her shoulder.
“Don't cross the streams.” Willow nodded.
“Yes. Well since the spell will end on its own, it's best to simply let it. Besides, I'm pretty sure I couldn't go head to head with this witch even if I wanted to.” Zummi said as an asside.
“You really couldn't.” Willow confirmed. “And trust me. No one will be harmed by this spell and the kingdom will be better off for it. Isn't that what a princess should want for her kingdom?”
After they left, Willow made sure to set up some wards that would warn her if anyone approached her house. She wanted to make sure she could defend herself just in case this King Gregor decided to send his army after her. Then she sat down to figure out why the Gummis weren't affected by her spell. She decided that it might have something to do with the fact that none of them wore any pants. Or 'trousers' as they called them here.
Alicia Keys singing Gummi Bears theme: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW2NuxOC8fU