How I Spent My Summer Vacation:
~ A Buffy: TVS / Murphy Brown Crossover ~
Summary: During his road trip, Xander manages to save a man's life. He is offered a temp job as a reward. Somehow, being Secretary #467, probably wasn't he had in mind. He's managed to survive vampires, demons, & high school, but can he survive Murphy Brown?
Disclaimer: I am not associated with the owners or creators of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer or Murphy Brown. No harm is intended to the copyright holders. This story was written for my own amusement and hopefully the enjoyment of others.
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"Well, I don't know how I can thank you."
Xander considered the phrase for a moment. It wasn't one he heard often. He always tried to help when possible. No one ever said thank you, of course, he didn't do it for the thanks. He hadn't set out to help this guy. He had just been enjoying his road trip, found himself in Washington D.C., and just happened by when the guy was about to become some vampire's midnight snack. What else could he do?
The guy looked at Xander for a moment. "Hey Kid, don't suppose you need a job?"
Xander looked up kind of sheepishly. "Actually, I have been looking for something short term." He was running short of funds and was hoping to pick up an odd job so he wouldn't need to call the trip short.
The man grinned, a truly evil smile, with a look in his eyes that should have sent Xander running back to Sunnydale. "I have a perfect job for you."
"What kind of job is it?" Xander asked curious despite himself.
"Ah, I don't know how to type."
"I'm not good at taking messages."
"Don't worry about it." The man patted Xander on the back.
"We can give it a try." Xander answered not sure he really should. The offer seemed too good to be true.
"Great." He pulled a card out of his pocket. "Go to this address in the morning and tell them that Gene Cansella sent you."
"You understand, I am only looking for something temporary?" Xander wanted to make sure that point was clear since the man was being nice enough to offer him a job.
Gene looked as if he was picturing some event somewhere in the future. He shuddered a moment. "Kid, I don't think that will be a problem."
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Xander stared up at the building it read 'CBS News – DC Bureau.' He rechecked the paper that the man had given him and the address matched. He was going to work for CBS News?
He walked in. He checked his clothing, fixing his slacks and his polo shirt. It was the best he had with him; although looking around the lobby he really wished he had a suit.
He walked over and checked in at the security desk where there were two guards.
"Your name, sir?" The first guard asked
"ah, Xan. . . Alexander Harris, I was told to come here by Mister. . . "
"You are Mr. Harris?"
Xander nodded, surprised at the assumption.
"My condolences." The other guard spoke
Before Xander could ask why he was receiving condolences, the first guard spoke, "here is your temporary employment identification card. Make sure you brink this back when you leave today. Go up to the twelfth, just tell the first person you see that you are the
"Take the elevator there." The other guard added pointing at the main elevator.
Xander thanked them and walked over to the elevator, noticing that everyone was looking at him as if he was going to an execution - his own. For a moment, he was sure everyone was waiting for him to drop dead on the spot. He stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for the twelfth floor. The door shut. Xander pulled his shirt down and his pants up. He straightened his watchband and checked his hair, all more from nerves about working at CBS then anything else.
As the elevator door opened, he walked onto the floor.
A very perky blonde woman walked up to him. She looked familiar to him. "Can I help you?" The voice had a slightly southern accent. He did know that voice. He looked up at the woman. "You are Corky Sherwood Forrest."
She smiled brightly at him. "Why yes, I am. Are you a fan of the Miss America Pageant?"
"Not really, but my girlfriend - ex-girlfriend - use to say that you were the best dressed newsperson. She loved to see your clothes." Xander managed to tell her remembering the multiple times Cordy mentioned the woman in front of him.
"Well, isn't that sweet. Now, how can I help you?"
"I . . ah . . . I'm the new secretary."
"Oh," she started to frown. Xander was sure it wasn't an expression she used often. "Your desk is over there." She pointed to a desk next to an office door. "Murphy should be here in another hour." She then patted him on the hand and smiled at him sympathetically before walking away.
Xander let the name roll around his head for a moment 'Murphy'. He should know that name. Shouldn't he? He started to walk to the desk.
"Hey, you there. You the new secretary?" Xander turned around and looked at the nearly bald man that had stood behind him.
"You're that guy from Streethawk. Aren't you?"
The guy kind of looked around quickly to make sure no one had heard. "Nope, but I get that a lot." He looked around one more time. "Let's not mention it again, ok?" He said with a half grin, partially blushing. "I'm Frank Fontana." He offered his hand.
Xander shook it. "Xander."
"Hey, I've been friends with Murph a long time. Let me give you a little advice. Okay?"
"Duck." Frank said with conviction. "Trust me, duck." He walked away.
Xander was slowly trying to decide if everyone in this place was possessed or just crazy. He sat down at his desk. There was a small, simple, to do list, which he began to sort through.
Nearly an hour later a man came hurrying out of the elevator. He stopped and took a swig of the bottle of Mylanta in his hand. He just looked at Xander, shook his head the way someone would when they are witnessing an accident waiting to happen, and hurried away as he took another swig of the medicine.
A few minutes later, Corky and Frank came and sat down at the table not far from Xander's desk. A few minutes later Mylanta man joined them, turns out his name was Miles and he was the news producer.
Xander then noticed an older man walk in; it was Jim Dial. Even Xander knew that Jim Dial was up there with Morrow, Cronkite, and maybe even Ted Baxter. Jim walked by, looked at Xander, and kept walking. When he sat down at the table, he looked back at Xander before sighing. "Oh for criminy's sake, another sacrificial lamb for the funeral pyre that is Murphy Brown." He paused another moment. "The Slugger is not going to be happy, he barely looks out of high school, probably has never even worked as a secretary before."
"Miles, where did you find him?" Corky asked.
"Not me, Gene."
"Explains a lot." Frank rolled his eyes. "So, where's Murph?"
The elevator door burst open and Murphy Brown appeared, her hands full of files, her bag, and her coat still on. She didn't even glance at the gang at the table. She breezed past her secretary into her office. After a few loud bangs, which seemed to be her trying to put her stuff down, she came out of her office with a hand full of files.
"You, new guy. Did you get anything on the list done?"
"Were you able to get a hold of Senator Kelly's aide to get the press release on the Wymar Initiative?"
"She wasn't available. However I did get to speak to Senator Kelly. He said that 'you win' and he will give you the interview."
to Senator Kelly?" She was surprised and didn't seem to believe him.
"Yeah, shouldn't I have? I knew I was going to louse-up this job as soon as I realized where I would be working." Xander realized what was about to happen. He was going to get fired. "I guess you want me to leave now."
"No, well, not yet. It's just that even I
haven't been able to get in touch with Senator Kelly."
"Did you get anything else done?"
"Yeah," Xander handed her the list and folder with everything she asked for.
"Well, that's good." She glanced through a few things. "Very good. You seem good at research?"
"Lots of practice," Xander muttered more to himself than his new lady boss.
Murphy handed him the folder she had in his hand. "Get this stuff taken care of, okay?"
"Sure, no problem-o," he grinned
Murphy started to walk over to the group.
"Murph, where are the donuts?" Frank called out.
"Oh, Geeze." She had forgotten. She turned to Xander. "New guy, go get some donuts, there is a place around the corner."
Xander did as asked. Well, at least it was one thing he was sure he knew how to do. He could get donuts with the best of them. As he arrived back, he couldn't help but over hear their meeting.
"Look Slugger, I think you are going to have to drop the piece."
"Yeah, Murph, there is just no news getting out of Sunnydale about what happened at the High School or the death of the Mayor."
"But, I know there is a story there." Murphy was convinced.
"They're right, no story there, none at all, just kids on PCP." Xander blurted out.
The newsmen and women all turned to him. "How would you know?"
"Sunnydale, born and bred, class of 1999."
"You're from Sunnydale?" Murphy asked evenly.
Well the day went down hill from there for poor Xander. Murphy didn't believe him that there wasn't more going on, but was worse was when her informants from Sunnydale showed up, Ashley and Harmony, two of the former Cordettes and new members of the undead. Harmony got away, but Xander managed to stake Ashley effectively 'killing' Murphy's lead and her story. Murphy had certainly fired people for less and by mid-afternoon Xander had gotten the boot. Before he left though, several people congratulated him. Apparently, most of Murphy's secretaries didn't make it past mid-morning.
Somehow, Xander didn't think his day spent as a donut get-er for Murphy Brown that ended with him ruining her story by staking her main witness was a story he would share with the gang when he got home.
By late-afternoon, he already got a new temp job with a housepainter named Elden, but that was a story for another day and another story that Buffy and Willow would never hear.
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I hope someone enjoyed this story.