Fic: Dual employment
Rating: 15, femslash, torture
Category: BtVS/Stargate crossover
Summary: USMC Gunnery Sergeant Alexander L Harris has two jobs. One is a secret assignment to SGC, the other an even more secret assignment as 'liason' with the Scoobys. The two jobs coincide at unexpected times.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters here except for Xanders teammates. I am not profiting from this in any way.
Authors note: American Military University is a real organisation that really does offer a graduate certificate in Explosive Ordanence Disposal. And yes, I am thinking of getting one to liven up my resume.
Feedback: Please be kind, my muse has been highly unco-operative of late and I need positive re-inforcement.
Alternate BtVs season 6, Stargate unspecified.
“Gunny, I don't see the problem.” Jim Hodder said in a puzzled tone. “Lots of people are doing correspondence courses at SGC, with all the moving around it seems to be practically a way of life in the military.”
“Yes, but you're getting a Graduate Certificate in Explosive Ordinance Disposal by correspondence.” The only actual member of the United States Armed Forces in the team responded. It was a good team, really, and it was an honour to be commanding it at his rank. But he understood why Colonel O'Neill got so frustrated with scientists some times, he really did.
“From American Military University.” The first man countered. “Its a legitimate institution.”
“Jim. Buddy. Pal. MATE.” Smithson the geologist, responded, his Yorkshire accent coming out stronger under stress. “Don't you think that before you make yourself the guy likely to be asked to disarm a bomb you should have touched one at some point?”
Hodder stared at the cell bars for a while and thought about it. Rice had been taken away immediately after capture; the conversation at least distracted everyone from their worries about her.
“I just thought it would be cool, ya know.” He finally responded. “Something to liven up my resume. I mean, what am I going to do, put 'Designed Naquadah mines on alien worlds while battling Egyptian Gods' in my employment history?”
“Security would be less than thrilled.” One of the others finally commented.
Stargate Command, same time
“No Ms Rosenburg, I'm afraid I can't tell you when your friend will be available.” General Hammond said. Normally the family support officer handled this sort of thing, but he had orders about Harris and friends, particularly Willow.
“Missing, what makes you think Sergeant Harris is missing?” He was, after all supposed to have gone on leave immediately upon his scheduled return to Earth days ago.
The control room staff studiously ignored it all and focussed on their jobs. They would be told what they had a 'Need to Know' to do their part of the job. Which didn't seem to include very much when it came to Gunny Harris.
The missing Marine got messages from 'friends' and then disappeared for days with no explanation asked or offered – especially not by General Hammond - except for a written report sent directly to SOCOM. In a base full of 'black ops' veterans the fact that more often than not he came back looking like he had been dragged through a hedge backwards was not even remarked on. That Teal'c had accompanied him on several occasions, both of them armed with staff weapons, was also carefully not commented upon. Need to Know, and all that.
“Well if you find them tell your friend to give me a phone call ok?”
Meanwhile, back in the cell…
The sight of Jacinta Rice standing outside the cell with a Jaffa escort had the rest of SG29 holding their breath. First because she had been taken away with massive injuries and now had none. Therefore she had either been in a sarcophagus or was now a goa’uld, or both.
Second, she was wearing a harem girl outfit, and looked incredibly sexy and feminine and vulnerable. Which was as out of character as Colonel O’Neill resigning to become the new head of Princeton’s theoretical physics department. The civilian geophysicist was a tough, capable woman who had, and often wore when off duty, a t-shirt reading ‘Dyke and proud of it!’
“Not a word about this guys.” Jacky, as she preferred to be called, said in a menacing tone. She was not a small woman, and the outfit was designed to show off, rather than hide, the wearer's 'female assets'. The panties were deep blue silk, but the rest was a sheer fabric that put everything on display. She felt ridiculous but also angry enough to rip the snakehead's throat out with her teeth. “Not a fricking word about this once we get back, ok?”
“Your god has decided your fates.” The Jaffa who seemed to be in charge stated as the door was opened. “You will come with us now.”
“Ok guys, put your eyes back in their sockets and move, lets not keep the megalomaniac parasite waiting.” The former Zeppo ordered.
“SILENCE TAURI DOG!” The Jaffa shouted. The holding cell was in the open with guards around it, a big metal cage that allowed no privacy or, if they escaped, access to vulnerable parts of a ship unlike the usual setup. The goa'uld still lived in his ship command vessel though.
The Ha'tak attack carrier of this particular system lord – a pretty small time one apparently, who claimed to be a Assyrian god with an unpronouncable name – had attacked the world the team was working on and stopped there. Probably with the aim of doing what they had been doing, mining it.
Certainly they seemed to be settling in for the long haul, with building going on all over the valley and permanent fortifications to defend the stargate rather than the usual minimal to no security. SG1 was NOT going to be coming through to save them on this one. Just what the universe needed, a snake with tactical sense.
“So, Jacky, what happened?”
“Well gunny so far I feel like something entered in the 'best of breed' category in the state fair.” She began, looking straight ahead with a look of stoic determination. “Tockytu or whatever his name is keeps a group of female servants around partly dressed like this, it fits the theme and the Jaffa are two disciplined to stare at their gods concubines tits. They seem to think I'm something special though.”
“Hence the new look.” The former Sunnydale resident responded. He tried not to think about what capturing the special attention of these things could mean.
The throne room.
“KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GOD!” commanded the individual with the glowing yellow eyes.
“YOU?” The former Zeppo responded angrily. “You're not a god. I killed a god a few months ago. You're a tapeworm with delusions of grandeur.”
The rest of SG29 were standing to one side wondering if the stress had finally gotten to the dark haired man. Going out of your way to piss off a system lord when he had you in his power was, as far as they knew, not recommended procedure. And then there was the rest of the statement to consider.
“Gunny, when did we kill a goa'uld?” Smithson asked cautiously. Which was natural, they had seen very little combat, as a technical team composed almost exclusively of civilians.
“Not a snakehead, a real god.” Xander answered, turning away from the goa'uld to answer someone he clearly thought more important. The infected human reached for its ribbon device to torture the insulent Tau'ri as he continued. “Well a hellgod actually, name of Glorificus. Me and Teal'c ring transported her to where she would have opportunity no astrophysicist would miss.”
Xander screamed in agony as the ribbon energy tore into him, but refused to turn away from his teammate while doing so. Eventually it stopped, he pushed himself off the floor and spoke.
“As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted we gave her a chance any astronomer would kill for.” Getting Carter to modify the transporter so the hellbitch didn't materialise until they could pitch her into a solar impact orbit - without explaining the situation - was the tricky part. Scientists never take 'you don't Need To Know' well, and Majors don't take it well from Sergeants either.
“Finish human wretch, so I may know what more I need to punish. What opportunity did you give this so called God?”
“The chance to study sun spots from underneath.” While he waited for the ribbon energy to hit again Xander carefully avoided looking directly at the individual he had noticed as they were brought in. No one else here would know her, but there was no point in taking chances, was there?
“YOU DARE TELL THESE PATHETIC LIES TO YOUR GOD!!” The others could only watch their leader writhing on the floor in agony from the alien torture impliment. “Your female will be my wife's new host. She has a love of inflicting pain, as you wil find out!”
“Ooh, Kinky.” Came the response, barely audible as the former Scooby pushed himself up into a kneeling position again. When the screaming stopped he was on the floor again and couldn't find the interest to get up off it. He did notice though that while the rest of SG29 were all looking on in horror Jacky seemed even angrier than before and the person he had spotted was looking directly into his eyes with professional interest.
“Do I get a last request?” Gunnery Sergeant Harris asked in a pleasant, hopeful tone.
“LAST REQUEST?” The goa'uld ruler's host had been young and fit, and the regular use of the sarcophagus had kept him there, but even so he was about ready to burst a blood vessel at this point. Actually he was grinding his teeth so hard another stay in the alien healing device would be needed to repair them. “LAST REQUEST!”
“A custom where I come from.” Any of the old Scooby gang would have recognised the goofy smile instantly. “Hey you can't be a good all powerful ruler of us Tau'ri without learning some of the more important customs can you.”
The would be ruler of the galaxy fought down the rage that had pushed his blood pressure to the point where his every heart beat threatened to blow his ear drums out. 'Control, reason, and cold analysis' it thought to itself 'I have them and so many of my fellow gods do not. It is why I have risen so far and fast and they keep failing against the slaves.' He maintined a stony expression while forcing calm upon himself. 'The creature is doing this deliberately, why? Ra and so many others did not ask these questions and they are gone now. I will not fail like them. I will learn and conquor.'
“Very well, what is your last request before I have you taken away to scream away the rest of your life in unspeakable agony?”
“I just want to say that I and my team wish that all your and every other goa'uld's subjects would realise that you aren't gods.” Xander finished quickly as the hand held torure instrument rose again. “Say you all wish it, that's an order.”
Jacinta Rice, PhD, had well and truly had about as much of this shit as she was ever going to take. She certainly didn't want to be alive to host the thing that worked over Gunny. Who was ok, for a male, and had actually invited her to the birthday party he would have been attending if they had gotten home on time.
“HELL YES I WISH IT.” She shouted, not noticing the change in one of the harem women as she spoke the critical word. “I wish the Jaffa would realise just how much they've been conned and take you all apart and I could hear about it lying next to a hot woman with a cold drink in my hand.”
“Wish Granted.” Came the voice of Halfrek, closest friend of Alexander Lavelle Harris's prom date, who he had met at Anya and Jonathan Levinson's wedding reception.
Casa Summers, Revello Drive Sunnydale
The pain was gone. It was the thing that hit him first. The pain was gone and his body seemed to be none the worse for his recent experience. Then he noticed the red headed figure of his oldest friend looking at him.
“You are in so much trouble mister.” She said while waving a finger at him. “First you have us all worried sick about you and then you just appear here like nothing happened. Explain yourself.”
“Hey, I was held up by a work problem all right?” Which had the beauty of being true and the disadvantage of being totally unsatisfactory to a resolve faced Willow.
“Gunny what happened?” Hodder asked, looking around at the perfectly normal scene with the look of a stunned ox. They were, after all, still dressed exactly the same way they had been when the wish was granted. Giles was quietly taking drink orders, which just added to the surreal nature of the situation.
“And where's Tara's birthday present?” Willow added with a smile. Her girlfriend had gone upstairs a while ago, and had really not been enjoying the party due to worry about Xander. The lesbian care bears had done locating spells and failed to find him, causing real fear he was dead for the last few days. “Don't tell me. You forgot.”
The birthday girl ran down the stairs at this point, led by Dawn who had gone to fetch her. She was trying to give him an angry scowl to match her lovers worried glare when she noticed Jacky, standing on the other side of the new arrivals and unseen by Willow, who was focusing on her old friend. Ms Maclay however noticed her, in particular the way the spectacular set of breasts was supported without being concealed at all and how her attentions were being recived.
“Xander, for me?” She said, taking the gay woman in the mainly see through clothes gently by the hand. Quickly she wispered into the new arivals ear, and got an enthusiatic nod – Airforce regulations and workload having ensured the geophysicst had slept alone since starting at SGC - before continuing at her original volume. “You always know exactly what to get me.”
“Tara?” Willow said, slightly confused.
“Sweetie, why don't we go upstairs and unwrap Xander's birthday present together?” The red head leaned over for a quick, wispered conversation with the other two women. Then the three women headed towards the staircase arm in arm. Jacky turned back to face her teammates with a huge smile and blew them a quick kiss.
Xander Harris looked around the room at the collection of people who knew and trusted him. All of them were clearly awaiting a better explanation than 'its classified and you don't have a need to know,' even if that was true. And then there was General Hammond, who he had to report to or be technically AWOL.
'So, lay on the Harris charm and calm everyone down so you can call in. Something intelligent and incisive to disarm the hostile mob.' He thought. 'What would Colonel O'Neill say in a situation like this?'
“So, anything interesting happen to anyone else?”