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The Slayer, The Avatar & The Guardian Of Light

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Review of chapter "CH1 - Guardian?" from (Current Donor)DeacBlue
Review:
I apologize if this isn't the right forum to say this.

buffyrazz - I give what I want, as a writer. Constructive criticism that is more precise than, "U rokkk!", or "This sux!" is scarcer than hen's teeth in the world of fanfic. The fact is, I found the author's use of a Mary Sue (and the Guardian is the EXACT definition of such, at least to the point that I read) had so thrown off any enjoyment in the work or compassion for the characters that I felt he wasted the rest of his writing, however good or bad. If it was an aberration, then he needs to work on his intro. If not, then we disagree about what a good fic should be.

I like reading good fics, and so it's my responsibility to give my opinion when someone has put that amount of work in.
Review By [(Current Donor)DeacBlue] • Date [28 Sep 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH117 - Angelic Messenger" from buffyrazz
Review:
well 1stly.. Wow deac.. any longer on ur review? (can it be a review if u only read 1 chapt?- n apparently that 1 chpt was sooooo bad u felt compelled to draft ur 6 point thesis)

2nd Love the story, always get excited to see an update, i hate the categorisation of Mary/Gary sues, n it really doesnt apply in this case, yes adams extrordinarly old n powerful - but compared to some so is Dumble.

3rd. u have taken the 2 universes n made ur own, thats what fic is! There is humour, a logical take on what "might" have happened - cmon, after 5 years of harry / dursleys someone in the wizarding world really shoulda done something.

4th - looking forward to the rest of the story

buffyrazz
Comments from author:
thanks, next chapter will come as soon as I get my computer fixed
Review By [buffyrazz] • Date [14 Sep 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "CH1 - Guardian?" from (Current Donor)DeacBlue
Review:
Yup, you wasted your every night of the last year...mostly because your beginning is so bad that I couldn't get beyond the first chapter or so.

To start off, you have Buffy very much underachieving against opponents that she should be blowing out of the water, with only a wishy-washy, "it's the First" excuse. With Buffy's skills in this period, the only way that she would be in a position that you have her in is deliberately throwing the fight.

Then you have her reaction when she's saved. She hears a demon, likely a vamp, call out "Guardian!" and no on thinks to call Angel, and see what he might know?

Then comes the big hiccup. You introduce the world's biggest Mary Sue/Marty Stu, who among other things, is:

- Older than the Universe(Universe is less than 14 billion years old, he's 15 billion(and of course how can you tell someone's age when there is no one to say when he was born?))

- So adept at fighting that he leaves Buffy in the dust.

- Has weapons that are so powerful that they can kill vamps and demons easily without any chance at all of killing innocents.

- Is a much better witch than Willow at this time.

- Apparently so good looking that he turns confirmed lesbians in love with each other straight simply by seeing him.

- Well, apparently has one negative trait - seems to be as dumb as a post when describing himself, at the very least. He doesn't use the name he is most often called by, "Guardian of Light," but stumbles over himself and lies when asked to describe what he actually guards ("Everything" includes demons and vampires). He speaks English in a more than fluent manner, so he doesn't have the, "second language," excuse.

- Oh, and apparently sees the future.

If I were Buffy Summers, and faced with such a paragon, I'd be walking, no running away and thanking my lucky stars that there was someone to take up the load that I had carried and that had gotten so many people that I cared about killed. I'd also be cursing the guy for watching the first vampire being made and not stopping it.

The appearance of this character made it impossible for me to continue reading with any kind of pleasure, so I stopped reading.

In addition, although it was a minor irritant compared to the salt in the wound that was your Mary Sue, using five lines every time there was a small scene change detracted from your work, and Buffy's reaction to how old he was was not true to character.
Review By [(Current Donor)DeacBlue] • Date [3 Sep 09] • Rating [3 out of 10]
Review of chapter "CH117 - Angelic Messenger" from dawnieelf
Review:
You have to update soon!

I'm glad the Scoobies left, I like the dynamics without them. And I like the plot with Dawn, Harry and Fleur I think its brilliant, especially now Dawn's pregant!! Amazing twist!!!

UPDATE PLEASE!!!
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [9 Aug 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "CH76 - Lord Of The House" from dawnieelf
Review:
I read you author note at the end of this chapter so i decided to review you ALOT

Great Chapter
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [9 Aug 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "CH77 - Surprises" from dawnieelf
Review:
I loved this chapter, I thought the end when Harry got the Order of Merlin for Cedric was brilliant. I loved the Character and he died a noble death, but it was never really recognised in the book. I feel that the only thing he was used for in the actual books was another source for Harry to feel guilty.

Great Chapter!!
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [9 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH97 - Gryffindors Cheerleaders" from dawnieelf
Review:
hehehehe like the idea of the cheerleaders. Good chapter, even if it is just a filler.

Look forward to more
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [9 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH88 - The Otter Revealed" from dawnieelf
Review:
OKay so I am assuming the otter is Hermione seeing as her patronus is an otter, not sure about the rest, but i have my suspicions. A prophetic Dream, guessing part of the powers Adam gave her. A very cryptic message indeed to quote Buffy 'I hate cryptic'
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [8 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH86 - The Balance Of Power" from dawnieelf
Review:
Good chapter, I was sad that Seamus dies, but it was good for the plot, I think this chapter really turned the plot serious, we are starting to get in to the real war now. I was just thinking as well, you said the Valkyries joined Voldermort, but i thought that all Elementals followed the Avatar, he's their messiah?

Brilliant chapter.
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [8 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH85 - The Element Of Fire" from dawnieelf
Review:
And the gang finally find out that Harry is an Elemental! I LOVE COLLETE!! I think she is hell of a funny and a brilliant character.

She also shows that you were able to make a character form scratch and make her part of this universe and make it seem natural. She is kinda like buffy with a dash of Faith. LOVE IT!
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [8 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH84 - Fangs, Fangs And More Fangs" from dawnieelf
Review:
VAMPIRES!!! goodie! I love vampires, i dont know why, i guess its my thing.


Very good chapter, you are good at action and well as humour. You are turning out to be a double threat!
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [8 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH83 - What Goes Up, Might Come Down" from dawnieelf
Review:
Okay I like this chapter, but i hope that Buffy gets her Slayer strength back soon, She still kicks ass but she needs to be able to fling a Basilisk around like it was nothing!


Another Great Chapter
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [8 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH82 - Practical Jokes and Ominous Meetings" from dawnieelf
Review:
I laughed my head off during this chapter, very good twist.


comedy suits you.


Great Chapter
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [8 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH81 - A School Of Death Eaters" from dawnieelf
Review:
This chapter is my favourite. I love Draco so much and I like the fact that you haven't made hom goody goody, because he isn't. Draco will never be another Harry Potter, but he doesnt like being controlled, and he really doesnt like his Father. I think you showed that in this chapter.


Favourite so far, so yet another good chapter!!
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [8 Aug 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "CH80 - The Equinox Ball" from dawnieelf
Review:
Another great chapter.

I think i get what the necklace does now.

I love the fact that Mrs. Weasly and Harry made up, because honestly I dont think that Harry would have treated her like he did. She was the closest thing to a mother he had, and he appreciated it. he may be all powerful, but he is still 16 and needs a parent.

Other than that the story is coming along really nicely, I dont know how you have this much!

Brilliant Chapter yet again!
Review By [dawnieelf] • Date [8 Aug 09] • Not Rated
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